ok, Probably not.
Iwhyawli's been away for a long, long time. Almost forgot my password again. I've recieved a few emails (presumably from GWOPPERS) asking me to weigh in on expelgate, but I realized yeah, I have nothing to weigh in on.
Wait. Okay. I will weigh in.
Hey GWOPPERS, I offer you two options:
Option A: send me copies of your kids' report cards and I'll weigh in on those
OR
Option B: mind your own business.
I don't know much about expelgate except the GWOPPERS seem to think Kate is lieing about it. There's an opposing story from one of those anonymous insiders who not only knows the TRUTH but also (and not coincidentally) apparently breeds a whole lot of hatred. If I'm not mistaken, one of the little hate puppies might even be named Lil Cousin Benny.
Now y'all know that I don't have a single second of experience in school adminstration, but I am exceptionally talented in the common sense area. And I feel pretty confident that no private school is going to "expel" two kids when the parents might also opt to yank the other 6 tuitions. People willing to pay private tuition for even 1 kid is just too hard to come by these days.
So that's all I have to say about that. I'm feeling much more inclined to weigh in on the creepy WikiLeaks guy, who surely must be a GWOPPER given his love for sharing the TRUTH. I just finished reading his internet dating advertisement from 2006. BWAHAAHAAHAAHAAA !!! Too funny. If that ad didn't exactly personify the losers/serialkillers who have to find their "girlfriends" on the internet, I don't what does. When he wrote "Don't write me if your timid. Only write me if your brave." I feel certain he meant "Only write me if you're strong enough to defend yourself should I suddenly wig out and decide to cut your body up into small parts and stuff them into my mother's prized collection of felted purses."
I'm sure you'll tell me I'm wrong but I thank g_d everyday that I grew up, dated and married before this whole Internet dating thing caught on. It just seems so much easier (and safer) to leave your house every once and a while and meet people face-to-face.
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Does Jennifer Grey Have a Bad Neck?
I'm not sure. She's only mentioned it 945,000 times since the last commercial break.
I'd be voting for Bristol Palin right now but abc.com is having some sort of login difficulty right Quelle surprise.
Other random thoughts:
1. Far be it from me to judge any person or any lifestyle, so I won't. But for a group of sister wives who insist their lifestyle choices make them happy and better people, they sure spend a whole lot of time crying, whining, being angry, feeling lonely, feeling confused, feeling jealous, feeling sorry for themselves, second-guessing themselves, feeling gypped, sizing themselves up, fending for their due, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. Ay-yi-yi.
Now me, I don't have any sister wives. But I also don't feel any of what they're feeling on a routine basis.
2. Skating with the Stars? Ugh. Is anyone in Hollywood familiar with the phrase "beating a dead horse?" Excuse me whilst I rush over to my copyright attorney with a few fresh ideas:
Roller skating with the Stars
Synchronized Swmming with the Stars
Tumbling Runs with the Stars
Cheerleading with the Stars
Shriner Cars with the Stars
Wii Fitness with the Stars
This show is so painful I can't believe they won't yank it off the air in three weeks.
I'd be voting for Bristol Palin right now but abc.com is having some sort of login difficulty right Quelle surprise.
Other random thoughts:
1. Far be it from me to judge any person or any lifestyle, so I won't. But for a group of sister wives who insist their lifestyle choices make them happy and better people, they sure spend a whole lot of time crying, whining, being angry, feeling lonely, feeling confused, feeling jealous, feeling sorry for themselves, second-guessing themselves, feeling gypped, sizing themselves up, fending for their due, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. Ay-yi-yi.
Now me, I don't have any sister wives. But I also don't feel any of what they're feeling on a routine basis.
2. Skating with the Stars? Ugh. Is anyone in Hollywood familiar with the phrase "beating a dead horse?" Excuse me whilst I rush over to my copyright attorney with a few fresh ideas:
Roller skating with the Stars
Synchronized Swmming with the Stars
Tumbling Runs with the Stars
Cheerleading with the Stars
Shriner Cars with the Stars
Wii Fitness with the Stars
This show is so painful I can't believe they won't yank it off the air in three weeks.
Advice for Brandy
Yeah, I know I know. This isn't the 'DWTS without Pity' blog but I can't but help chuckle at all the worldwide outrage over poor Brandy's elimination last night.
That damn show (which I officially hate) plays people (including me) like a violin.
Don't get me wrong. I couldn''t care less that Brandy was booted from the show. I couldn't care less if Bristol Palin wins (or loses).
As soon as I heard that Bristol Palin would be on the show, I absolutely knew without question that DWTS would find a way to embroil her in some sort of nasty controversy (because they don't like her mother's politics). Afterall, Bristol is not a celebrity or public figure, or even trying to be a public figure. Not that most of the so-called stars (cough) are famous, but Bristol isn't even a reality TV person. Hell, GWOP's much beloved Jodi Krieder has been on more TV shows than Bristol Palin. Why sign Bristol before Jodi? DWTS wanted to stir the shit, that's why. The GWOPPERS are also outraged, aren't they?
Silly me. I just thought the show's attempt to slice and dice Bristol (or her mother) would surface far earlier in the season, far more overtly and obviously --- something akin to a completely disgusted Bruno giving her 2's every week and taking potshots at her mother whilst choking on his own vomit.
But to the show's credit, they were far more clever. See, they instead chose to create the appearance of cheating. Extra kudos to them for injecting race into the controversy by pitting Bristol against an African American woman.
I don't believe for a second that there was any cheating on anyone's part -- by DWTS, the Palin family , the Wasilla Middle School, the Tea Party or even Communist China. You heard me. I don't doubt for a second that Bristol got more votes than Brandy. I'll also bet money that Bristol got more votes than Kyle whathisname. I might even wager a wee bet that Bristol got more votes than Jennifer "Please Feel very Sorry for Me because my boyfriend and I one took two peoople out whilst goofing around in Ireland" Grey. Bristol been at the bottom of the judge's score board week after week. Let there be no doubt that (for whatever reason) Bristol Palin has been pulling the votes in -- lots of them. Don't look at me. I haven't voted since the Kate Gosselin season.
And how does iwhyawli know this is all a very carefully crafted controversy? Because if you rewatch the episode in the moments just before Brandy is eliminated, you'll hear that sap Brook whatshername say casually but not so casually: "while not necessarily in the bottom two, one of these two stars will be going home tonight."
"WHILE NOT NECESSARILY IN THE BOTTOM TWO?"
WTF?
If the two remaining heads on the chopping block weren't *necessarily* in the bottom two, why then choose to pit Bristol Palin against Brandy? Why not pit Brandy (who we now know did have the fewest votes) against Jennifer Grey or against Kyle whatshisface?
Hey I got an idea? Why not pit the two "stars" who actually ARE in the bottom two against each other? [horshack]Oh oh Mr. Kotter, I know why not![horshack]. Because the show wanted to stir the shit ... all at the expense of some poor girl who happens to have a mother that the liberal left (and most in Hollywood) doesn't like.
The only thing about this farce that I don't get yet is why Brook whatsherface would even announce "while not necessarily in the bottom two" in the first place. Why not just leave that whole part out and let us believe that both Bristol and Brandy were in the final two (even if they weren't)? Perhaps the show is somehow legally required to announce it when the bottom two aren't actually in the bottom two. But anyway, the very second I heard "while not necessarily in the bottom two" I knew Brandy was going home. Meanwhile, the rest of the country more conveniently concludes that voting is fixed and the dopes in Wisconsin are shooting guns at their TV screens.
And then there's poor Brandy. Another victim. 'I am numb' she says. She cannot understand any of it.
Fortunately, it's my nature to be helpful to the clueless. I offer Brandy the following advice.
Hope that helps, Brandy. Good luck to you. I think you're a fine dancer and a very pretty girl. Perhaps someday I'll get to hear you sing.
That damn show (which I officially hate) plays people (including me) like a violin.
Don't get me wrong. I couldn''t care less that Brandy was booted from the show. I couldn't care less if Bristol Palin wins (or loses).
As soon as I heard that Bristol Palin would be on the show, I absolutely knew without question that DWTS would find a way to embroil her in some sort of nasty controversy (because they don't like her mother's politics). Afterall, Bristol is not a celebrity or public figure, or even trying to be a public figure. Not that most of the so-called stars (cough) are famous, but Bristol isn't even a reality TV person. Hell, GWOP's much beloved Jodi Krieder has been on more TV shows than Bristol Palin. Why sign Bristol before Jodi? DWTS wanted to stir the shit, that's why. The GWOPPERS are also outraged, aren't they?
Silly me. I just thought the show's attempt to slice and dice Bristol (or her mother) would surface far earlier in the season, far more overtly and obviously --- something akin to a completely disgusted Bruno giving her 2's every week and taking potshots at her mother whilst choking on his own vomit.
But to the show's credit, they were far more clever. See, they instead chose to create the appearance of cheating. Extra kudos to them for injecting race into the controversy by pitting Bristol against an African American woman.
I don't believe for a second that there was any cheating on anyone's part -- by DWTS, the Palin family , the Wasilla Middle School, the Tea Party or even Communist China. You heard me. I don't doubt for a second that Bristol got more votes than Brandy. I'll also bet money that Bristol got more votes than Kyle whathisname. I might even wager a wee bet that Bristol got more votes than Jennifer "Please Feel very Sorry for Me because my boyfriend and I one took two peoople out whilst goofing around in Ireland" Grey. Bristol been at the bottom of the judge's score board week after week. Let there be no doubt that (for whatever reason) Bristol Palin has been pulling the votes in -- lots of them. Don't look at me. I haven't voted since the Kate Gosselin season.
And how does iwhyawli know this is all a very carefully crafted controversy? Because if you rewatch the episode in the moments just before Brandy is eliminated, you'll hear that sap Brook whatshername say casually but not so casually: "while not necessarily in the bottom two, one of these two stars will be going home tonight."
"WHILE NOT NECESSARILY IN THE BOTTOM TWO?"
WTF?
If the two remaining heads on the chopping block weren't *necessarily* in the bottom two, why then choose to pit Bristol Palin against Brandy? Why not pit Brandy (who we now know did have the fewest votes) against Jennifer Grey or against Kyle whatshisface?
Hey I got an idea? Why not pit the two "stars" who actually ARE in the bottom two against each other? [horshack]Oh oh Mr. Kotter, I know why not![horshack]. Because the show wanted to stir the shit ... all at the expense of some poor girl who happens to have a mother that the liberal left (and most in Hollywood) doesn't like.
The only thing about this farce that I don't get yet is why Brook whatsherface would even announce "while not necessarily in the bottom two" in the first place. Why not just leave that whole part out and let us believe that both Bristol and Brandy were in the final two (even if they weren't)? Perhaps the show is somehow legally required to announce it when the bottom two aren't actually in the bottom two. But anyway, the very second I heard "while not necessarily in the bottom two" I knew Brandy was going home. Meanwhile, the rest of the country more conveniently concludes that voting is fixed and the dopes in Wisconsin are shooting guns at their TV screens.
And then there's poor Brandy. Another victim. 'I am numb' she says. She cannot understand any of it.
Fortunately, it's my nature to be helpful to the clueless. I offer Brandy the following advice.
- Your ability to master a new skill (ie., dance, sing/tell jokes, bake cakes) has little to do with your success on shows that rely on viewers/fans voting for you.
. - Make sure your last hit song (cough) was some time after 1998, unless you're one of the two surviving Beatles.
. - Get yourself a last name. I tried to google 'Brandy' last night so that I could figure out who you were and um, yeah.... according to google, you've not yet reached the iconic status of a 'Cher', 'Prince' or 'Sting'.
. - Insist on a partner who isn't Max Chmerloskywitz. If it isn't obvious by now, Max could be partnered with Cyd Charisse and still lose. He's a poor sport with a self-absorbed pukey personality who thinks he's hot but actually looks like a pastier version of the Pillsbury doughboy when standing next to someone like Chad Ochocinco. Max's only redeeming quality is that he loathes Carrie Ann "You truly moved me" Innaba.
Hope that helps, Brandy. Good luck to you. I think you're a fine dancer and a very pretty girl. Perhaps someday I'll get to hear you sing.
Who the Heck is Eric Roberts?
Never heard of him.
Be right back. I'm going to google him.
...
...
...
Oh. I get it. He is a former soap opera star/drug addict/wife abuser. And one of those Celebrity (cough) Rehab substance abuse opportunists to boot. So yeah, I totally understand why I'd be 100% interested in everything he has to say, including the judgments he passes on others who he perceives to be less perfect than him. Teach me, Eric. Teach me. After the tragic passing of Brittany Murphy's husband, Simon whatshisname, I've been lost at sea.
So yeah, Eric Roberts is officially my new mentor, and I am nothing if not a good student. I bet it wouldn't bother Eric in the least if I were to volunteer on these here internets that his sister, Julia, is a complete dimwit -- [cough]Lyle Lovett fiasco [cough] --- and worse, a hack actress as recently re-confirmed in the yawnfest titled "Eat, Pray, Love." For a long while there, I stopped going to movies because I simply could NOT understand why, in a country of 6+ gazillion women, all the leading lady roles were being given to Julia Roberts.
Nothing personal, Julia, but you can't act. You look, you talk, you laugh, you mope, you walk, you weep, you smile EXACTLY THE SAME WAY IN EVERY MOVIE THAT YOU'VE EVER BEEN IN. So please, go find Dustin Hoffman, Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, Amy Adams or even Cher for crapsake, introduce yourself and beg for an acting lesson.
It's probably not fair to crap all over Julia Roberts like this. I'd really rather crap all over Eric Roberts but other than drug addict/domestic violence kudos, there's not much there to comment on.
My feelings for Eric Roberts are perhaps best expressed in song.
"Dancing through Life"
Wicked
[taps mike ]
Mi-mi-mi.
Testing. 1-2. Testing.
[spritzes throat]
Dancing through life
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life's more painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard?
When it's so soothing
Dancing through life
No need to tough it
When you can sluff it off as I do
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It's just life
So keep dancing through
Dancing through life
Swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraught-less
When you're thoughtless
Those who don't try
Never look foolish
Dancing through life
Mindless and careless
Make sure you're where less
Trouble is rife
Woes are fleeting
Blows are glancing
When you're dancing
Through life
Be right back. I'm going to google him.
...
...
...
Oh. I get it. He is a former soap opera star/drug addict/wife abuser. And one of those Celebrity (cough) Rehab substance abuse opportunists to boot. So yeah, I totally understand why I'd be 100% interested in everything he has to say, including the judgments he passes on others who he perceives to be less perfect than him. Teach me, Eric. Teach me. After the tragic passing of Brittany Murphy's husband, Simon whatshisname, I've been lost at sea.
So yeah, Eric Roberts is officially my new mentor, and I am nothing if not a good student. I bet it wouldn't bother Eric in the least if I were to volunteer on these here internets that his sister, Julia, is a complete dimwit -- [cough]Lyle Lovett fiasco [cough] --- and worse, a hack actress as recently re-confirmed in the yawnfest titled "Eat, Pray, Love." For a long while there, I stopped going to movies because I simply could NOT understand why, in a country of 6+ gazillion women, all the leading lady roles were being given to Julia Roberts.
Nothing personal, Julia, but you can't act. You look, you talk, you laugh, you mope, you walk, you weep, you smile EXACTLY THE SAME WAY IN EVERY MOVIE THAT YOU'VE EVER BEEN IN. So please, go find Dustin Hoffman, Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, Amy Adams or even Cher for crapsake, introduce yourself and beg for an acting lesson.
It's probably not fair to crap all over Julia Roberts like this. I'd really rather crap all over Eric Roberts but other than drug addict/domestic violence kudos, there's not much there to comment on.
My feelings for Eric Roberts are perhaps best expressed in song.
"Dancing through Life"
Wicked
[taps mike ]
Mi-mi-mi.
Testing. 1-2. Testing.
[spritzes throat]
Dancing through life
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life's more painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard?
When it's so soothing
Dancing through life
No need to tough it
When you can sluff it off as I do
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It's just life
So keep dancing through
Dancing through life
Swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraught-less
When you're thoughtless
Those who don't try
Never look foolish
Dancing through life
Mindless and careless
Make sure you're where less
Trouble is rife
Woes are fleeting
Blows are glancing
When you're dancing
Through life
Do Jodi and Julie have any regrets?
Sometimes when I have absolutely nothing at all to do--i.e, the kids are fed, the house is clean, the car has gas, my brows are plucked and I've applied all the finishing touches to the orchestral symphony that I'm composing in B flat-- I think about Jodi and her as-lovely sister, Julie. And I wonder if they've any regrets about their behavior, even the teeniest regret.
Methinks not. Because we haven't seen any sort of apology.
Not that they owe ME an apology, of course. No way. Quite the opposite. Being able to mock and make fun of them these past many months has provided me hundreds and thousands of hours of enjoyment. It's ME who owes THEM one giant thank-you.
I do think, however, that they owe Kate, Jon and their children an apology and perhaps an apology has been offered privately. But I doubt it. Psychopathic personalities like theirs are incapable of offering an apology. The best they can do in way of an apology or admission or guilt is to simply stop doing what they're doing .... for awhile... until they start hearing the voices again. If I were a betting woman, I'd bet Kate wasn't their first victim and won't be their last. Those two birdbrains have been avenging their fragile psyches for decades.
Because their behavior was public, their apology should be public, in my opinion. Whoosh, imagine the big money a public apology could bring! Maybe even enough to pay Gloria Allred's fees!
Hiring the farce known as Gloria Allred just may have been my most favorite ridiculous thing that those two bozo's did. It would have been my favorite most ridiculous thing even if days later Gloria hadn't elected to represent all of the hookers who were so egregiously wronged by [fill-in name of wealthy celebrity]. It's pretty tough to top the creation and sale of a tabloid video during which you whisper that your sister-in-law is a cheater. I dare say that hiring Gloria Allred may have been the only way to do that.
Sometimes when I have absolutely nothing at all to do, I also wonder if those three (ie., Jodi, Kevin and Julie) are capable of anything even more ridiculous than hiring Gloria Allred to represent the legitimacy of their motives. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. It may be mere seconds, weeks or years, but I am relatively confident that we have not heard the last of those three idiots.
Methinks not. Because we haven't seen any sort of apology.
Not that they owe ME an apology, of course. No way. Quite the opposite. Being able to mock and make fun of them these past many months has provided me hundreds and thousands of hours of enjoyment. It's ME who owes THEM one giant thank-you.
I do think, however, that they owe Kate, Jon and their children an apology and perhaps an apology has been offered privately. But I doubt it. Psychopathic personalities like theirs are incapable of offering an apology. The best they can do in way of an apology or admission or guilt is to simply stop doing what they're doing .... for awhile... until they start hearing the voices again. If I were a betting woman, I'd bet Kate wasn't their first victim and won't be their last. Those two birdbrains have been avenging their fragile psyches for decades.
Because their behavior was public, their apology should be public, in my opinion. Whoosh, imagine the big money a public apology could bring! Maybe even enough to pay Gloria Allred's fees!
Hiring the farce known as Gloria Allred just may have been my most favorite ridiculous thing that those two bozo's did. It would have been my favorite most ridiculous thing even if days later Gloria hadn't elected to represent all of the hookers who were so egregiously wronged by [fill-in name of wealthy celebrity]
Sometimes when I have absolutely nothing at all to do, I also wonder if those three (ie., Jodi, Kevin and Julie) are capable of anything even more ridiculous than hiring Gloria Allred to represent the legitimacy of their motives. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. It may be mere seconds, weeks or years, but I am relatively confident that we have not heard the last of those three idiots.
Holy Crap! Kudos to the Imperfect Women
If we can believe today's story at radaronline, mucho kudos are due to the imperfect women (who really aren't that imperfect) at the Imperfect Women blog for recently drawing out Kate's mom in defense of Kate. I'm pretty certain it was that gals at Imperfect Women blog who also blew the lid off the whole pennmommy farce.
Get this everyone --- Kate's mom says Jodi, Kevin (her son) and Julie aren't very nice people.
Who knew? (snicker).
Of course, kudos also to Julie and Jodi for the smackdown Kate's mom just gave her son. It takes special, special people to intentionally drive a wedge between mother and son. Here's hoping little Benny's future wife doesn't do the same to you, Jodester. He's learned from the masters. But then, you can always hope he's every bit the idiot that you are and therefore, hasn't learned a thing.
Karma is a bish. Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Get this everyone --- Kate's mom says Jodi, Kevin (her son) and Julie aren't very nice people.
Who knew? (snicker).
Of course, kudos also to Julie and Jodi for the smackdown Kate's mom just gave her son. It takes special, special people to intentionally drive a wedge between mother and son. Here's hoping little Benny's future wife doesn't do the same to you, Jodester. He's learned from the masters. But then, you can always hope he's every bit the idiot that you are and therefore, hasn't learned a thing.
Karma is a bish. Ha ha ha ha ha ha
I stand corrected re Bruno Tonioli
First of all, I guess Bruno's actual fake show-biz name is Bruno Tonioli and not Bruno Taglioni as written in this week's earlier posting. You see, iwhyalwi received an email from someone who was quite upset about me getting his actual fake show-biz name wrong so I hope this post does everything possible to rectify that egregious wrong. When I drafted last week's post, I didn't feel like looking up Bruno's fake show-biz name and I sorta wanted to convey my contempt for the pissant by writing his fake show-biz name as Bruno Ravioli or even Bruno Spaghettio. After pondering this weighty editorial decision for say 7.5 seconds, I decided the GWOPPERS would miss the subtley and use it to get all giddy about not knowing what Bruno's fake stage name actually is. Despite my best effort to get Bruno's fake stage name somewhat right, they got all giddy about the error anyway. Sigh.
Another GWOPPER (or more likely the same GWOPPER) also told me in a separate e-mail message that Bruno could not possibly be "the male, gay version of a GWOPPER". This is because it is Kate Gosselin who danced the worst jive in 11 seasons of DTWS and Michael Bolton's interpretation of the jive in no way shape or form sucked as much as Kate Gosselin did. Further, no one in the history of the universe has or will suck as badly on DWTS as Kate Gosselin did.
After re-thinking my original position for approximately 6 more nanoseconds, I find that I concur with the GWOPPER and wish to correct myself. Bruno Tonioli is not the male, gay version of a GWOPPER.
Rather, Bruno "I-was-a-complete-unknown-until-I-elected-to-become-the-Adolph Hitler of celebrity-ballroom-dancing-shows" Tonioli is just an all-around self-loathing, miserable cur who probably hates anyone who dares steals three steps in lieu of the statutory two. I say this and I couldn't name a Michael Bolton song if my life depended on it.
Conversely, GWOPPERS are self-loathing, miserable curs who only hate Kate Gosselin.
With respect to Tonioligate, I now only remain unsure of one thing: Who is crazier? Bruno Tonioli or the GWOPPERS.
Hmmm. Hard to say, really.
Another GWOPPER (or more likely the same GWOPPER) also told me in a separate e-mail message that Bruno could not possibly be "the male, gay version of a GWOPPER". This is because it is Kate Gosselin who danced the worst jive in 11 seasons of DTWS and Michael Bolton's interpretation of the jive in no way shape or form sucked as much as Kate Gosselin did. Further, no one in the history of the universe has or will suck as badly on DWTS as Kate Gosselin did.
After re-thinking my original position for approximately 6 more nanoseconds, I find that I concur with the GWOPPER and wish to correct myself. Bruno Tonioli is not the male, gay version of a GWOPPER.
Rather, Bruno "I-was-a-complete-unknown-until-I-elected-to-become-the-Adolph Hitler of celebrity-ballroom-dancing-shows" Tonioli is just an all-around self-loathing, miserable cur who probably hates anyone who dares steals three steps in lieu of the statutory two. I say this and I couldn't name a Michael Bolton song if my life depended on it.
Conversely, GWOPPERS are self-loathing, miserable curs who only hate Kate Gosselin.
With respect to Tonioligate, I now only remain unsure of one thing: Who is crazier? Bruno Tonioli or the GWOPPERS.
Hmmm. Hard to say, really.
Does anyone know why Bruno Taglioni is such a miserable cur?
My faith in the humanity of man is at an all time low these days and so to keep it from hitting absolute rock bottom, I've deliberately not dropped in over there at GWOP lately. I'll instead blog a few blurbs about DWTS and Bruno Taglioni.
Bruno Taglioni is the male gay version of a GWOPPER -- self-loathing and miserable -- so I'm not at all off-topic.
I haven't yet watched the live episodes of DWTS this season, but I did happen to catch a replay of Michael Bolton's jive dance followed by Bruno's oh so gracious assessment. My reaction was a very droll "oh brother, will you please lighten the fuck up?".
And then I saw the replay of the DWTS Results Show where Tom Bergeron ribs Bruno for being a miserable, self-loathing jackass with zero self-awareness that he completely sucks all the fun out of the show.
Proving once again that he has no sense of humor, Bruno just shrugs and threatens "Hey, Fox awaits."
Promises Promises.
Dear Bruno:
I beg you. Go to Fox. Go anywhere. Just get the fuck off this show. I'm sick of watching the faces of little kids drop (specifically, my kids) while you sit there and belittle people for trying something new. DWTS is a TV Show, you moron. And it's supposed to be a feel good TV show. The last thing I want to see on my TV is a picklepuss, 70-pound gay man who wears a giant-sized pinkie ring yelling at anyone for anything, leave alone something as unimportant as a ballroom dance.
To your credit, Bruno, you've yet to slice into Bristol Palin although you are making it quite clear that you eventually do plan to get your digs in at her mother.
Bruno Taglioni is the male gay version of a GWOPPER -- self-loathing and miserable -- so I'm not at all off-topic.
I haven't yet watched the live episodes of DWTS this season, but I did happen to catch a replay of Michael Bolton's jive dance followed by Bruno's oh so gracious assessment. My reaction was a very droll "oh brother, will you please lighten the fuck up?".
And then I saw the replay of the DWTS Results Show where Tom Bergeron ribs Bruno for being a miserable, self-loathing jackass with zero self-awareness that he completely sucks all the fun out of the show.
Proving once again that he has no sense of humor, Bruno just shrugs and threatens "Hey, Fox awaits."
Promises Promises.
Dear Bruno:
I beg you. Go to Fox. Go anywhere. Just get the fuck off this show. I'm sick of watching the faces of little kids drop (specifically, my kids) while you sit there and belittle people for trying something new. DWTS is a TV Show, you moron. And it's supposed to be a feel good TV show. The last thing I want to see on my TV is a picklepuss, 70-pound gay man who wears a giant-sized pinkie ring yelling at anyone for anything, leave alone something as unimportant as a ballroom dance.
To your credit, Bruno, you've yet to slice into Bristol Palin although you are making it quite clear that you eventually do plan to get your digs in at her mother.
Guess What?
Here's what. Iwhyawli couldn't give two hoots if Kate Gosselin has had a boob job. Because, friends, I'm the original Lady Gaga\Bjork\Madonna\Cher\Bette Midler\all the female shock-value performers in between Bette Middler and Gypsie Rose Lee\Gypsie Rose Lee\Eve --- i.e., I am the most non-judgmental person on the planet.
Here's also what. If Kate Gosselin has had a boob job, I don't understand why it seems to be such a shock to the GWOPPERS. Afterall, she wears a half pound of acrylic on her fingertips and someone else's (real or manufactured) hair on her head.
One more what. I don't get why anyone who had a boob job would lie about having a boob job, especially if you wear a half-pound of acrylic on your fingertips and someone else's (real or manufactured) hair on your head. Not that I think Kate is lieing because um, I don't care enough, if at all. But, I also don't get why anyone would answer anything except "none of your business" when asked if they had a boob job. Perhaps most perplexing of all, I don't understand why anyone asks a person if someone had a boob job, or even wonders if someone had a boob job. GWOPPERS are wierd, man, just plain wierd.
Last but not least. I don't understand why Lindsay Lohan asked someone to shoot collagen into her lips. It looks friggin' horrible. Such a potentially pretty young girl whose drinking and substance abuse made her look like a 40-year-old before the lip job, now looks like a 50-year-old.
I've yet to see a good collegen lip job, have you?
Here's also what. If Kate Gosselin has had a boob job, I don't understand why it seems to be such a shock to the GWOPPERS. Afterall, she wears a half pound of acrylic on her fingertips and someone else's (real or manufactured) hair on her head.
One more what. I don't get why anyone who had a boob job would lie about having a boob job, especially if you wear a half-pound of acrylic on your fingertips and someone else's (real or manufactured) hair on your head. Not that I think Kate is lieing because um, I don't care enough, if at all. But, I also don't get why anyone would answer anything except "none of your business" when asked if they had a boob job. Perhaps most perplexing of all, I don't understand why anyone asks a person if someone had a boob job, or even wonders if someone had a boob job. GWOPPERS are wierd, man, just plain wierd.
Last but not least. I don't understand why Lindsay Lohan asked someone to shoot collagen into her lips. It looks friggin' horrible. Such a potentially pretty young girl whose drinking and substance abuse made her look like a 40-year-old before the lip job, now looks like a 50-year-old.
I've yet to see a good collegen lip job, have you?
The World rights itself
So Kate took the kids fishing and they all got seasick. The GWOPPERS rejoice. They'll be bitching about this until I'm 95 (i.e., a long, long time).
Remembering Jon: The Bald Head Episode
If your kids are like my kids, they watch the Gosselins Show and then promptly wonder aloud for the next 10,000 hours why they never get to go to [fill-in-the-blank]. Of course, it's because we don't love them as much as Kate loves her kids but we instead choose to make stuff up. This time we told them that our family dog is very, very sick and about to die and yes, it's very very important that she is surrounded by family, tidy bedrooms and no fighting. When that doesn't work, I then remind them that WE JUST SPENT THE ENTIRE FRIGGING SUMMER AT A BEACH JUST LIKE BALD HEAD DOWN TO THE FAKE PIRATE SHIP AND DILAPITATED LIGHT HOUSE.
I enjoyed the Bald Head episode, especially the turtle births. Not sure if that was a re-run or new episode. All the trips blur together after a while. In a few minutes, I'll head over to GWOP to find out all that I should be hopping mad about. There was something said about naps and so I'm sure that set the GWOPPERS on fire. Oh, that reminds me. During last week's NYC episode, I forgot to mention how I chuckled when I saw Kate putting bibs on the kids when giving their icecream cones. We haven't had a good gwopper-style bib tirade in months!
Now that school has started for the kids (Kate and mine), I wonder if TLC could find it in their hearts to show how much the Gosselin kids LOVE doing stuff ... like ... their homework, taking baths, brushing their teeth or shovelling the dog crap.
I almost can hear it now. "Mommy, how come we never get to shovel the dog crap?"
I enjoyed the Bald Head episode, especially the turtle births. Not sure if that was a re-run or new episode. All the trips blur together after a while. In a few minutes, I'll head over to GWOP to find out all that I should be hopping mad about. There was something said about naps and so I'm sure that set the GWOPPERS on fire. Oh, that reminds me. During last week's NYC episode, I forgot to mention how I chuckled when I saw Kate putting bibs on the kids when giving their icecream cones. We haven't had a good gwopper-style bib tirade in months!
Now that school has started for the kids (Kate and mine), I wonder if TLC could find it in their hearts to show how much the Gosselin kids LOVE doing stuff ... like ... their homework, taking baths, brushing their teeth or shovelling the dog crap.
I almost can hear it now. "Mommy, how come we never get to shovel the dog crap?"
So um...
... which GWOPPER is currently holding hostages at Discovery Communications?
Gee, I can't for the life of me understand why Jon, Kate and the kids would need bodyguards*.
:: scratches head in confusion ::
Let's hope this situation ends quickly without injuries. I otherwise blame the GWOPPERS for spurring this guy on. Oh who am I kidding, I blame the GWOPPERS no matter what happens.
Gee, I can't for the life of me understand why Jon, Kate and the kids would need bodyguards*.
:: scratches head in confusion ::
Let's hope this situation ends quickly without injuries. I otherwise blame the GWOPPERS for spurring this guy on. Oh who am I kidding, I blame the GWOPPERS no matter what happens.
Kate is Trying Too Hard
Okay. I'm about to make a whole lot of GWOPPERS very happy. Here it goes.
I, iwhyawli, did not like last night's Season Premiere epsiode of Kate Plus Eight, which I am now re-watching so I can try to pinpoint what it was that bugged me so.
It wasn't the kids. All the kids are still super cute. They're definitely not the problem.
The problem is Kate. She's trying too hard.
Let's see if I can explain this better. There were definitely moments during the show where Kate is just being a mom and we are watching Kate just being a mom. Those parts are okay.
But then, there were other very obvious moments where Kate is putting on a show for the camera, and those were the moments that bugged me. Two examples: Running down the street with the icecream cones and (I can barely stand to type it out) the whole incredibly stoopid "Turtle Turds and Ostrich Boogie" schtick that went on endlessly. Oh that wacky Kate! What will she do next? Drive the Statue of Liberty ferry boat ? You betcha.
Did Kate just say she's not a very good "Boat Driver Ferry Person?" Oh, how cute. yuk yuk yuk
And now, I'm about to make a whole lot of GWOPPERS very unhappy.
The Kate that I so disliked on last night's episode ? Reminded me of the GWOPPERS and their eternal mommy quest to turn every waking moment an all-about-me, ootsey-cutesy Hallmark moment.
Kate's hand gesturing with the fake acrylic nails also bug me. I feel like I'm watching some sort of SNL Barbara Stresand parody from the late 80's. I also have no real need to see multiple side shots of saggy boob cleavage.
Okee dookee., iwhyawli is done complaining and I gotta run, y'all. "So let's turn around and say good-bye to the statue, everybody. She'll just get smaller and smaller now. Say Thank you, everyone, thank you for being the symbol of our freedom, Lady Liberty. "
Barf.
I, iwhyawli, did not like last night's Season Premiere epsiode of Kate Plus Eight, which I am now re-watching so I can try to pinpoint what it was that bugged me so.
It wasn't the kids. All the kids are still super cute. They're definitely not the problem.
The problem is Kate. She's trying too hard.
Let's see if I can explain this better. There were definitely moments during the show where Kate is just being a mom and we are watching Kate just being a mom. Those parts are okay.
But then, there were other very obvious moments where Kate is putting on a show for the camera, and those were the moments that bugged me. Two examples: Running down the street with the icecream cones and (I can barely stand to type it out) the whole incredibly stoopid "Turtle Turds and Ostrich Boogie" schtick that went on endlessly. Oh that wacky Kate! What will she do next? Drive the Statue of Liberty ferry boat ? You betcha.
Did Kate just say she's not a very good "Boat Driver Ferry Person?" Oh, how cute. yuk yuk yuk
And now, I'm about to make a whole lot of GWOPPERS very unhappy.
The Kate that I so disliked on last night's episode ? Reminded me of the GWOPPERS and their eternal mommy quest to turn every waking moment an all-about-me, ootsey-cutesy Hallmark moment.
Kate's hand gesturing with the fake acrylic nails also bug me. I feel like I'm watching some sort of SNL Barbara Stresand parody from the late 80's. I also have no real need to see multiple side shots of saggy boob cleavage.
Okee dookee., iwhyawli is done complaining and I gotta run, y'all. "So let's turn around and say good-bye to the statue, everybody. She'll just get smaller and smaller now. Say Thank you, everyone, thank you for being the symbol of our freedom, Lady Liberty. "
Barf.
Emmy Awards 2010
Unlike Kate, I was not invited to be ON the 2010 Emmy Awards. Understandably so since (to my knowledge) I do not star in a TV show.
Despite my longstanding ardent support of Kate Gosselin in the glogosphere, I was also not invited to GO to the 2010 Emmy Awards as anyone's (cough) guest. Understandably so since Kate Gosselin has no idea who I am.
I also was not invited to an Emmy Awards watching party that is hosted annually by my next door neighbor. Understandably so since I've never yet accepted her kind invitation in five years running.
People, I did not even WATCH the 2010 Emmy Awards last night.
I did, however, once have a childhood friend named Emily, who we all called Emmy. And because Emmy's father was in advertising, she once got to be on a Keds commercial .
Why I am telling you this? Only to emphasize that my childhood friendship with Emmy puts me two hundred billion gazillion times closer to walking the red carpet at the Emmy Awards than Jodi or Julie will ever be.
Sucks to be you, Jodi, doesn't it????? HA HA HA HA HA
Despite my longstanding ardent support of Kate Gosselin in the glogosphere, I was also not invited to GO to the 2010 Emmy Awards as anyone's (cough) guest. Understandably so since Kate Gosselin has no idea who I am.
I also was not invited to an Emmy Awards watching party that is hosted annually by my next door neighbor. Understandably so since I've never yet accepted her kind invitation in five years running.
People, I did not even WATCH the 2010 Emmy Awards last night.
I did, however, once have a childhood friend named Emily, who we all called Emmy. And because Emmy's father was in advertising, she once got to be on a Keds commercial .
Why I am telling you this? Only to emphasize that my childhood friendship with Emmy puts me two hundred billion gazillion times closer to walking the red carpet at the Emmy Awards than Jodi or Julie will ever be.
Sucks to be you, Jodi, doesn't it????? HA HA HA HA HA
Another Bummer for Aunt Jodi
Well, what a pisser, it looks like Aunt Jodi will miss the cut at DWTS YET AGAIN. How in the world does this keep happening? Say, I know, maybe it's time for Jodes to rejoin the cast at The Today Show and call someone else out as a dirty whore. I've never known another with such good diction whilst whispering. That skill alone should win Jodi a spot on DWTS plus a night with Brad Pitt.
And for those of you who, like me, thought Queen Bruno and Carrie Lighthead were complete pricks to Kate throughout DWTS, I bet you can't wait to see how badly they'll make Bristol Palin feel about herself because they don't like her mother and her mother's politics. Yeah, they won't be able to help themselves.
Sorry, I'm not sure I can watch DWTS this season. The instant I hear the name David Hasselhoff, I flashback to his daughter's video where he's half-sitting/half-laying on the floor trying to eat a hamburger whilst completely shit-faced. Google it. It's creepy.
And for those of you who, like me, thought Queen Bruno and Carrie Lighthead were complete pricks to Kate throughout DWTS, I bet you can't wait to see how badly they'll make Bristol Palin feel about herself because they don't like her mother and her mother's politics. Yeah, they won't be able to help themselves.
Sorry, I'm not sure I can watch DWTS this season. The instant I hear the name David Hasselhoff, I flashback to his daughter's video where he's half-sitting/half-laying on the floor trying to eat a hamburger whilst completely shit-faced. Google it. It's creepy.
Chickens
So I finally saw the chicken coop episode the other day and all I have to say is this: If Kate Gosselin can get those kids to clean out the chicken poop thing on any sort of regular basis, I will absolutely need to know the secret to her success. We don't have chickens but we do (or did) have cats, dogs, a turtle (RIP), goldfish (RIP) and a hamster (RIP). No birds allowed in this house.
Kate is no longer relevant?
Well it didn't take me long to find something inane over 'dere in GWOPland. It's right there on the main page posted by Mrs Bozo herself.
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When people other than us start blogging that Kate is not longer relevant is it time to think about getting out the marshmallows and toasting forks?
--------------------------------------
When people other than us start blogging that Kate is not longer relevant is it time to think about getting out the marshmallows and toasting forks?
Is Kate's career over?
--------------------------------------
Okay, I'll graciously overlook the glaring typo in between the words "is" and "longer" in Sharla's post, but since when have the GWOPPERS been blogging that Kate "is not longer relevant".
'Cause um, THEY STILL WRITE ABOUT HER EVERY DAMN DAY! TWICE A DAY! THREE TIMES A DAY! 24x7!
Thanks to all Jon wannabes like Tiger Woods, Jesse James and Mel Gibson, the woman hasn't been in the news or on TV for months but somehow the GWOPPERS still manage to dig up stuff like copies of all three fence estimates !
Mind you, I have no idea what Sharla even means by Kate "is no longer relevant" but then, I never really understand anything Sharla is babbling about. Relevant to what or who exactly? Kate's kids? Jodi and Julie? The mighty icon of quality journalism that is Radaronline ? Beats me what Sharla means by "is no longer relevant". But nonetheless, I do know the answer to Sharla's question.
YES, OF COURSE, KATE IS STILL RELEVANT!
If Kate weren't still relevant, it would mean that .... wait for it ... get ready.... take a deep breath....
... it would mean that SHARLA WASN'T RELEVANT! GASP! Because honies, that's all y'all do all day over there at GWOP. Bitch and moan about Kate!
So yeah, I realize 'relevance" is a big concept for you, Shar, but um here's how relevance works. If the object of your contempt is no longer relevant, then your contempt is no longer relevant. And so when you continue to blather on and on and on about things that are no longer relevant or dare we even say, TRUE, well, hon, people conclude that you are a total nutcase.
Shar, you're a nutcase.
What's News
I'm back y'all.... just in time for the season premiere. Whew! I would have been back sooner but I forgot my password. But to my good fortune on the train tonight, I happened to catch site of this giant-size woman with big clownlike red hair, a beard and long yellow toenails and I remembered that my password is Sharla.
Hope you had great summers. I'm off to GWOP to catch up. I can't possibly imagine what they're whining about these days. To my knowledge, Kate et al haven't been on the air or in the news in ages.
Hope you had great summers. I'm off to GWOP to catch up. I can't possibly imagine what they're whining about these days. To my knowledge, Kate et al haven't been on the air or in the news in ages.
CityGirl is a Fatso
Hope y'all didn't miss this post. GWOP's resident expert on running weighs in.
Yes, nothing screams "Hey! I'm a Fatso" than a post like this:
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CityGirl said...
With all the recent pictures of Kate "Running" I am kind of thinking that since everything she does is to benefit her in some way($$) . Could she possibly be trying to come out with an exercise video? She has been carrying on with the running crap forever, but as hot as the weather has been, it would make more sense for kate to "Run" on the treadmill in the basement. Where the aircondition is. Yes, I know how much Kate loves to have her picture taken. But I just don't think she would cause herself to break a sweat for nothing. There has got to be another idea for more money somewhere in these rediculous* pictures. I'm betting on the Video and OR.....
P.S. Did anyone else hear that Joy is leaving the View for a full time slot on HLN? Gosh, I like the view and hope that they don't ask Kate to come on there. It seems they don't know what to do with her. Maybe that's why there is a limited # of episodes of K+8. Maybe there is something in the works. Hope everyone had a happy 4th!
7/05/2010 11:50 PM
----------------------------
Thanks CityGirl! I hope you had a very happy 4th too --- sitting on your ass, stuffing your pie hole and whatever other sedentary activities you fatties do on a holiday. We know it's not running.
* Ut oh! May GWOP's spelling police be merciful, CityGirl. Tsk tsk.
Yes, nothing screams "Hey! I'm a Fatso" than a post like this:
---------------------
CityGirl said...
With all the recent pictures of Kate "Running" I am kind of thinking that since everything she does is to benefit her in some way($$) . Could she possibly be trying to come out with an exercise video? She has been carrying on with the running crap forever, but as hot as the weather has been, it would make more sense for kate to "Run" on the treadmill in the basement. Where the aircondition is. Yes, I know how much Kate loves to have her picture taken. But I just don't think she would cause herself to break a sweat for nothing. There has got to be another idea for more money somewhere in these rediculous* pictures. I'm betting on the Video and OR.....
P.S. Did anyone else hear that Joy is leaving the View for a full time slot on HLN? Gosh, I like the view and hope that they don't ask Kate to come on there. It seems they don't know what to do with her. Maybe that's why there is a limited # of episodes of K+8. Maybe there is something in the works. Hope everyone had a happy 4th!
7/05/2010 11:50 PM
----------------------------
Thanks CityGirl! I hope you had a very happy 4th too --- sitting on your ass, stuffing your pie hole and whatever other sedentary activities you fatties do on a holiday. We know it's not running.
* Ut oh! May GWOP's spelling police be merciful, CityGirl. Tsk tsk.
About time for a new post, eh?
Yeah, today is definitely "way too damned hot outside" and so I am able to pay proper attention to my beloved blog in the full comfort of my air conditioned home whilst the children play at a neighbor's house in the full comfort of their air-conditioned home. It's soooooo damned hot outside that I couldn't even fathom the idea of going into the dirty, grimy city. I'm working (wink, wink) from home.
So, um, what's new with the GWOPPERS? The comments in the previous thread indicate that my BFF Dana Hoffman has been outed as a journalist (cough) who is a tad more than your average, everyday objective journalist. As I understand it, some very helpful person had discovered (and seemingly proven) that Dana likes to post her nastiest anti-Gosselin stuff at some anti-Gosselin blog using a pseudonym.
Gee, I do believe I hear a big old chicken clucking. Is it Dana?
Of course, you may recall my earlier speculation that Dana ---even writing as boring Dana in the Reading newspaper or wherever she submitted her soggy, yellow news stories (cough) --- had more skin in the anti-Gosselin movement than your average, everyday whacko. I mean a normal person just doesn't get upset when a family of 8 buys a 10 person passenger van. So, I am pleased to see now that yes, there is far more to Dana Hoffman's hatred of the Gosselin clan (or Kate) than meets the eye. You'll also recall that I also speculated that Dana Hoffman behaves JUST like one of Jon's spurned lovers.
Hmmmm....
I wonder why Dana Hoffman hates the Gosselins so much?
Hmmmmm.....
So, um, what's new with the GWOPPERS? The comments in the previous thread indicate that my BFF Dana Hoffman has been outed as a journalist (cough) who is a tad more than your average, everyday objective journalist. As I understand it, some very helpful person had discovered (and seemingly proven) that Dana likes to post her nastiest anti-Gosselin stuff at some anti-Gosselin blog using a pseudonym.
Gee, I do believe I hear a big old chicken clucking. Is it Dana?
Of course, you may recall my earlier speculation that Dana ---even writing as boring Dana in the Reading newspaper or wherever she submitted her soggy, yellow news stories (cough) --- had more skin in the anti-Gosselin movement than your average, everyday whacko. I mean a normal person just doesn't get upset when a family of 8 buys a 10 person passenger van. So, I am pleased to see now that yes, there is far more to Dana Hoffman's hatred of the Gosselin clan (or Kate) than meets the eye. You'll also recall that I also speculated that Dana Hoffman behaves JUST like one of Jon's spurned lovers.
Hmmmm....
I wonder why Dana Hoffman hates the Gosselins so much?
Hmmmmm.....
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