Rules for Posting

Click here for iwhyawli's tongue-in-check version of GWOP's 954,012 posting rules. If you're wondering why GWOP has so many posting rules, you're not alone.

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Anybody Know?

Not sure how I missed it but does anyone know the hilarious meaning behind GWOP's new masthead picture? It's a poorly photoshopped picture of someone in a shopping cart that is filled with paint cans and rolls of wallpaper. The shopping cart is being pushed by another person. Kate's face is pasted atop the person in the shopping cart. And Tony-the-Dancer's head is pasted atop the shopping cart pusher. A cartoon bubble leading to Kate's mouth says "Look At Me".

Here are my best guesses:

1. Kate will soon be starring in a new home improvement show with Tony-the-Dancer, who used to be a successful carpenter.

2. Instead of practicing for DWTS, Kate is forcing Tony-the-Dancer to re-paper the downstairs powder room.

3. Sharla is teaching herself how to use PhotoShop. Wait, not PhotoShop. GIMP. Sharla can't afford Photoshop.

4. Fostersmom wants everyone to know that she has no qualms whatsoever about using the pictures at FotoSearch without paying for them.

I command Sharla to bring the goslings picture back. Hey! Goslings sorta sounds like Gosselins! I at least "got" that picture.

Bruno, Bruno, Bruno

Whoa, my main man Bruno Tonioli continues to piss me off and I'm sad to say, he's thisclose to winning his very own BrunoTonioliWithoutPity blog, complements of iwhyawli. Consider this your first warning.

Have you all seen and\or read his interview with George Lopez? It's over there at radaronline today. He's quite the little man in that interview, isn't he? And by little, I mean small-minded.

Readers, go listen to that interview, do you think there will ever come a time when Bruno says something we don't already know? I'm not just talking about his comments about Kate's dancing. He NEVER says anything that isn't already painfully obvious. Pam Anderson has giant boobs? Gee thanks, Bruno, we hadn't noticed. If you insist on re-stating the obvious with such theatrical and cliche metaphors, perhaps you could find a way to do it more constructively. You do claim to be a teacher of dance, don't you?

I blame "great teachers" like Bruno for the reason I'm not an award-winning artist. As a young pup, I wanted to learn how to draw and paint in the worst possible way. But in order to get into art school, I had to have a portfolio. WTF? How do you build a portfolio if you don't know how to draw and paint?

So okay, I thought I might like to learn how to sing.... only to learn that I must *audition* for the high school choir. WTF? So I showed up and they gave me a sheet of music. How are you supposed to sing a song you've never heard when you don't know how to read music?

My point. How come none of these "judges" are offering Kate any constructive advice to help her overcome her obvious nerves. I hear them telling all the other dancers "to connect with each other", "to keep frame", "to point their toes", "to smile", "to pull their butts in", etc., etc., etc., What's their beef with Kate that they can't come up with anything other than [carrie]my, that was odd[carrie] or [bruno]she's crap"[bruno].

Bruno, dear, what's *your* point? Why so upset? Should Kate kill herself because she can't dance? What is it that compels you to go on the George Lopez Show and skewer any of the show's contestants with such disgust, especially when you also admit that she's trying hard.

Should Kate throw in the towel, Bruno? Should her fans stop giving her this opportunity?

Because if we should stop doing stuff that we're no good at, Bruno, perhaps you should stop trying to speak the English language.

Bruno, you speak our language like crap.

I realize you're trying hard, but you're crap.

OMG ! Look Who Rose From the Dead

ChurchMouse is BAAAAACKK, everybody! And during Easter Week too. How very appropriate.

If you recall, ChurchMouse is a very sensy GWOPPER who blog-i-cided several weeks ago, after writing this big long post that all the negativity at GWOP was too much for her delicate sensibilities. She wanted her fellow gwoppers to know that she was going to rise above it all, but fervently hoped that everyone else would carry on with their negativity. When to her dismay, no one begged her to stay, she sent one final post to fostersmom with permission to post it on the Main Page. Surely you recall GWOP's infamous "Little Women" post where ChurchMouse hoped Kate would raise her girls as subserviant females whose primary goal should be marriage to a good man.

So what earth-shattering event compels ChurchMouse back to blogging? That bitch Kate used plastic eggs during the Easter Egg hunt.

ChurchMouse said...
Regarding the Easter Eggs.

Hi, I haven't posted in a while, but the DWTS fiasco sucked me right back in. And I don't even GET cable.

About the eggs--She used plastic eggs and filled them with candies. Then the kids put them in their plastic Easter Buckets.

Pity. Part of the fun of Easter was helping to dye and decorate the eggs. The smell of vinegar always takes me back to the entire family around the table dying eggs. My brother used to make little egg stands with feet out of cardboard. We'd draw little faces on the eggs in crayon, and then add little paper ears and cotton to make little bunnies out of the eggs.

And of course, the entire family had hard-boiled eggs for lunch for the next week in our paper bag lunches. And I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

4/07/2010 5:24 AM

I've no idea where CM gets the idea that the Gosselin kids didn't get to dye any Easter Eggs whilst surrounded by fragant wafts of vinegar, but GWOP's posts have never made sense before so why start now.

Labels for this post: Self Control

I Have To Laugh

Man oh Man, for someone who reportedly abhors Kate's controlling nature, Sharla sure spends a lot of time bossing those GWOPPERS around. She's got rules on frigging rules over there. Hey you stupid GWOPPERS, don't you be posting comments in the wrong thread on the wrong topic and at the wrong time. IT PISSES SHARLA OFF.

I suspect many GWOPPERS find it harder to post at GWOP than filling out their 1040EZ.


Kate's fans reward all her hard work and she moves on to Week 4.
Iwhyawli couldn't be happier.

Meanwhile, Len is shocked and dismayed that we Americans didn't save Buzz Aldrin. Really Len? The primary focus of the show is 101 different ways to exaggerate a woman's chest. Half the viewers don't even know Earth has a moon. The other half are parked over there on GWOP hatching plots to have eight little kids taken away from their mother.

Last week, we watch Shannon Doherty get the boot after hearing such loving sentiments about her Dad. Tonite, it's Buzz Aldrin. From where I sit, getting booted off the show as soon as possible just might mean you're doing something right in your life.

It was a real treat to see you, Mr. Aldrin. You're totally awesome.

Oh Goody

Sounds like Jon plans to step back into the batter's box for another whack at custody and not paying any child support. Apparently that's an easier option than say getting a job.

Question for Bruno Tonioli

Dear Bruno,

Are you gay? No wait. That's not my question. Of course, you're gay. NTTAWWT but for crap sake you find an overt way in virtually every episode to make it painfully clear that you're gay. So here's my question. How come I don't know the sexual preference of anybody else on the show except yours? Is Len gay? How about that singer who wears the jewelry on her forehead? Perhaps you're worried that a GWOPPER might fall in love with you. But um, dudette, they're already married to gay guys. In fact, if you don't dial up the testosterone a bit, they're gonna be sending you their unnawears. Ask Jon if you don't believe me.

Dear Kate,

I learned today that if I connect remotely to my work computer and then to all my client's computer systems, I can vote for you multiple times. Let's see, that's at least 120 different computer systems times 10 votes each plus all my 30,000+ cell phone votes. Say Hello to Week 4, toots! Congratulations. No need to thank me but if you really did want to thank me, I'd like you dance even more poorly. I like how your dancing irks the ever-living shit out of Carrie Ann Innaba, and of course, I LOVE how batty it makes the GWOPPERS. Kate, if you make it to Week 4, we just may see some sort of stampede over there.

Dear Max and Erin,

Simmer down. You were so darn cute together last week. This week, obnoxious.