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Open Discussion -- 10/11 to TBD


Jon at Parentdish

This interview with Jon Gosselin at is so stunning in its ....... [fill in word ].... that I had to re-post it on the main page. The right words escape me.... heck, there may not be any single wordto accurately describes all that's going on in this chat. Kate may have married a real-deal moron. Previously, I was willing to give Jon the benefit of the doubt that he was just greedy, had a drug problem or something..... but now I suspect he truly is slow (low IQ ).

Anyhoo, I feel like I'll be able to comment on this interview for ages, which I will, natch. If only blogger had a line numbering feature like you see in legal documents. Being able to refer to line numbers sure should would make it easier for me to pick this pyschodribble apart.

Here's the interview:


Jon Gosselin has a lot to say. After ten years of marriage and five seasons laying his family's life out for public view on TLC's Jon & Kate Plus 8, he's feeling, and acting, like man who's suddenly gotten a get-out-of-jail card. Problem is, it's costing him. His legal battle with his ex seems to grow exponentially every day, which, of course, sends the media frenzy on Jon-dom into the stratosphere. We called Jon for a quick chat to catch up on how this is impacting his parenting and ended up talking about everything else.

ParentDish: So, what's going on?

Jon Gosselin: I'm just trying to be as cordial as possible. I messed up at the beginning and now I want to be a nice guy, make better decisions and do the right thing.

PD: Why? What did you do that you consider bad moves.

JG: Meeting Kate Major [former reporter for Star magazine] and Stephanie [Santoro], the nanny. Those were two things.

PD: What's with you and family friend Hailey Glassman?

JG: Me and Hailey are still together. It was hard for her in the beginning. We are going to stay together. She talks to people. She's so friendly. She just goes up to people and says, 'I love your shoes.'

PD: Are you two going to get married?

JG: We don't talk about getting married. She's seen how messy my divorce has been and she says it makes her not want to get married. She laughs about it. It's so different than it was with Kate. It's so comfortable with Hailey and her family. They are so nice. They gave Kate a free tummy tuck, worth $20 grand. I mean, hello? It's free surgery.

PD: How is Hailey adjusting?

JG: I apologized to Hailey that I shouldn't have been hanging out with anyone else. I love her to death and she could've walked away.

PD: Where are you living these days?

JG: I feel like I'm nomadic. I'm in New York, Reading [Pennsylvania], L.A. I have an apartment in New York, on the West Side, that Hailey stays in. I could sleep in my apartment on my 8,000-square-foot property, but that would make Kate uncomfortable. I take the high road.

PD: That must be difficult after all the negative attention coming your way.

JG: I never said anything demeaning about Kate, just that once on Good Morning America about a month ago or so, I lose track of time. I said I despised her; maybe I despised the things she does. That was the first interview in 4 ½ years by myself.

PD: Where are you right now? I hear loud music in the background.

JG: In Philadelphia in a restaurant. There are 65 paparazzi following me in Reading so I don't stay there. Our Nielsons [ratings] are 11 million. That's like the population of Pennsylvania.

PD: Let's try a happy topic. What are your plans for Halloween and Thanksgiving with the kids?

JG: Thanksgiving is tough. Kate has custody on Thanksgiving, but I will stop by to see my kids. Halloween I don't have custody. Hailey handles my schedule. It's kinda weird, but I can confide in her. She's my best friend. I lost a lot of friends; people burned me left and right.

PD: And Christmas?

JG: Christmas, yeah. This is the first year I will celebrate Chanukah. Hailey is Jewish. Everyone in my life is Jewish now, my attorney. I love it. I'm now half Jewish and half Korean. The family values are great. On Christmas, I'll see my kids during the day for a couple of hours.

PD: Then what?

JG: Hailey is so excited because we're going to go ornament shopping and I'll buy her a stocking. News Year's Eve I'll be in Vegas hosting Las Vegas Live with Eva Longoria.

PD: That sounds fun. Tell me more about your interest in Judaism.

JG: I just went through Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur and learned about the new year and every Friday is the Shabbat dinner. I love challah bread. I'm learning about Jewish food, going to Zabar's. I love that place. I'm learning about kosher and when not to order a bacon, egg and cheese and make an ass of myself. Hailey makes fun of me. My mom came to the city on Yom Kippur and asked where all the traffic was. I got from the West Side to Midtown in five minutes. She wants to come to the city every year on Yom Kippur.

PD: Are we going to see you converting to Judaism?

JG: I talked to Rabbi Shmuley a couple of times. He has nine kids. I was really nervous dating a Jewish girl. She's like the best girl ever. All my friends are like 'I'm so jealous' and I'm like, 'Stay away, she's mine.' She's the rock of my life. She's been through hell in the tabloids. They made up lies that she's a lesbian and she's doing drugs. We've both been through all this turmoil. And we just keep on loving each other.

PD: That's so sweet.

JG: Yeah, I'm not used to that. It's totally different than it was with Kate.

PD: What do you mean?

JG: I look at Kate and say, 'What are you doing? Why are you airing our dirty laundry?

'PD: Why do you think she's talking publicly?

JG: She hired an attorney that says I stole $230,000 and it's so not true and I can prove it. Who is she proving this to? No one cares. You look like the biggest ass somehow. She's throwing me under the bus. Her and TLC. They don't like me because I want to pull my kids off TV. They made $186 million last quarter, $143 million of that from Jon & Kate Plus 8. [Editor's note: A TLC spokesperson declined to verify the numbers to ParentDish.]

PD: How much of that do you see?

JG: $25,000 per episode. It's awfully low. They locked in a contract and we're in the 50 percent tax bracket, so it's $12,500, so each of us gets $1,250 per episode. People think I make $75,000, $100,000 per episode. My kids sacrifice their privacy for this?

PD: Some people would say you should've thought of that a long time ago.

JG: I always wanted to take the kids off the air but we would've been breaching the contract. I couldn't say that on the air because we would've been sued. They tried to fire me before I fired them. I'm stepping up to the plate. Whatever they want to do to me. Sue me. Send me to jail. I'm taking my kids off the air. What judge will say, 'Okay, your kids must be on film'? I know how it works. I'm not afraid of TLC now. God is on my side. TLC would say, 'You can't say this,' and now I'm just unleashing it.

PD: How do the kids feel about it?

JG: The kids are unanimous. They don't want to film. We filmed 152 episodes. What more can you possibly still film? You want us to go to the moon? You want us to take the kids and go to Korea? Are you crazy? They don't want to be on a four-cylinder bus in Korea. They want to be home in the pool. [Editor's note: TLC says they taped a total of 112 episodes.]

PD: How are the paparazzi dealing with you these days?

JG: Hailey and I just hung out in her parents' house for awhile because of the paparazzi. But I know that if you didn't have paparazzi, there would be no magazines, no advertising, no marketing, no nothing. If you run away from them, you're totally toast. So let them take your picture and that's it. After they get the picture then they go away. We're just like, who cares, do what you gotta do and make money for your family. I know a lot of them. I know where their parents live.

PD: Smart move.

JG: Every talk show wants us. I am the most photographed person the planet. Kate is the fifth most popular person in the world this year, and I'm the second most popular. Michael Jackson is the first. I'm like, 'Wake up, Kate.'

PD: What do you mean?

JG: She goes on Regis and The View and has no idea of women's rights. She doesn't even vote, which is disgusting. How could she go on a talk show if she doesn't know what's going on in the world? She's fed lines from TLC. I'm not bashing her -- it's wake up and get on board, take this out of the court and let's settle it.

PD: What does she need to get on board with?

JG: She needs to get on board with her own life and get away from TLC and get out of Kate Gosselin world. She doesn't want to hear it because she's so brainwashed from TLC. She should be an independent contractor and instead she says, 'Yes, I'll listen to you.' For me, you cannot take away my freedom of speech.

PD: What are you doing with yourself these days for work?

JG: I'm still building websites. Hailey wants to start a clothing line.

PD: What happened with the Ed Hardy deal? Weren't you going to do a kids' clothing line?

JG: Ed Hardy totally used us. He got a million in ad sales. He says he never sent a proposal and that's not true. I have it. [Editor's note: The Ed Hardy company was contacted for verification, but did not respond by presstime.]

PD: That's icky. What else is going on?

JG: I started the Jon Gosselin Children's Foundation to help people pay for bills for sick kids. My dad would operate on handicapped children for free and my brother and I want to continue my father's legacy and my kids will see this. We're not taking a penny from it. PD: I heard that you may do another reality show, Divorced Dads Club with Michael Lohan, Lindsay's dad?

JG: Absolutely never. I will never do a reality show again. If I do, it's a documentary on reality TV. I thought DDC was a good idea, but then I feel I have better things to do with my time than to do another show. DDC would take time from my kids.

PD: And speaking of time with your kids, what happened at the twins' birthday party yesterday?

JG: It was the first time I saw Kate in four weeks. It was super uncomfortable because she stayed. There was that elephant in the room, you know. I was really cool. I went to a hotel last night because I know she didn't want me there. Here was a woman I was married to for 10 years and I can't be in the same room with her.

PD: That's so sad that it had to come to this.

JG: Why would she bash me? She's always quick to blame and never takes any blame. She has a media mogul behind her, TLC, a law team. I'm like, I'm gonna do what's right, whether or not it costs me my career.

PD: With all this turmoil, where do you turn for parenting advice?

JG: I have a therapist. But hanging around Jewish people you don't need to talk to anyone else. My parents and grandparents are divorced and I want to break the pattern. I have Hailey and Mark Heller, my attorney, my therapist. They're all Jewish. I watch them and I confide in them, especially Hailey. She is my best friend. She'll tell me if I do something wrong. God has put these people in my life for a reason. My inner circle is Jewish. I only care what they think. I never talked about anything until therapy. Kate never wanted to go to marriage counseling. The thing in therapy is about teaching me how to talk to my kids.

PD: So you're getting everything out in the open now.

JG: I started writing a book. My book says it all. It will teach fathers a lesson.

PD: What do you hope for the future?

JG: Kate and I were a great mom and dad. We were called America's best family. We can still be that and do the best we can as parents. There are tons of divorced people going through this.

PD: How do you handle all the nasty comments about you?

JG: Like the Italians say, 'Keep your head up and nothing will hurt you.' People who write things on blogs are just couch potatoes who have nothing else to do. They put people down because of their psychosis. I told Mady and Cara that the things in the magazines are not true. You want the truth you ask Mommy and Daddy.

PD: Would you have more children?

JG: No. But if Hailey and I got married and she wanted to, then obviously I would. But let me get through this first.

Paparazzi Pigs

So I'm re-watching this video where Kate is taking the twins to the school bus on their birthday (there's a similar video with Jon picking up the twins from the school bus later that afternoon) and I just get madder, madder and madder all over again. I get mad at the paparazzi but mostly at Julie and Jodi for igniting this whole circus.

I get that adults are fair game (actually I don't agree with that but at least they're adults), but it is too much to ask that these paparazzi creeps not do their paparazzi crapola in front of the children? Running after them and chasing them down with 50 pound cameras? In darkness? Asking questions about the divorce within ear shot ? WTF.

Seems to me NOT doing this sort of stuff in front of kids would be common sense. A matter of human decency. But I suppose I must now badger my congressman for legislation to have this type of crap taken care of . Surely the child advocates at GWOP are on the case too, right? I gotta tell ya -- if the paparazzi were parked my front of my house 24x7 or chasing me around in my car or found anywhere within 200 yards of my kids, they'd be worrying about taking two things: my photograph and a stray bullet.

I also noticed that at least two of p-people didn't have American accents. THAT'S ALLOWED ??? We award work visas in this country so that foreigners can come over here and badger our children for fun and profit? Nice. I can't stand that Americans are exercising their "Freedom of Speech" in such a foul matter but we must also tolerate this crap from non-citizens? Bullshit.

I *might* wonder how p-people would like it if I constantly showed up with a pack of people to chase their kids around and terrify them. Emphasis on the word "might" because I'm relatively certain these cretins wouldn't have kids. The only person willing to sleep with them is Britney Spears and , let's face it, that's punishment enough for any man.

P-people are pigs and so is Jon for encouraging them. Knock it off.

BREAKING NEWS! Jon Gosselin is Writing a Book

According to iwhyawli's confidential sources, Jon is writing a tell-all book and it will be called "How to Completely Ruin your Kids' Birthday".

Especially good work today, Jon. Gotta give you props. You couldn't be making a bigger mess of things if you tried.

And if the Divorced Dad's Club thing doesn't work out, perhaps you could buy yourself a clown suit (or just wear that Ed Hardy crap) and rent yourself out for birthday parties all across America. The GWOPPERS will hire ya. They'll even let you boink 'em while the kiddies eat their ice cream.

Open Letter to Kate Gosselin

Dear Kate:

It's come to iwhyawli's attention that you "get to spend" some time tomorrow in Jon's presence as the family celebrates the twins' birthday. First of all, Happy Birthday to the twins! They're more gorgeous every day in every way. I'm sure you cannot be more proud.

Secondly, by "get to spend" I mean "must endure". This is why I write to you today. Not only can I get you through tomorrow, you'll wish everyday was like tomorrow. How's that for a fresh perspective!

You see, it's a little known fact, but I am expert in psychological warfare. My expertise is a little known fact because you simply can't *be* an expert in psychological warfare if everyone knows you're an expert in psychological warfare. Get my drift? If you have any lingering questions regarding my expertise in psychological warfare, I offer you the impact of this gwopwop blog on the GWOPPERS as Exhibit A and in support thereof. I drive them all nuts. They hate me more than they hate you. They can't get enough of me. If you could only see my comments queue. Oh, how I press their buttons! I really enjoy that.

This will sound crazy, but some of my so-called best friends have no idea that I positively cannot stand them. They make my skin crawl and yet they are blissfully unaware that I see straight through their every b-s motive. You know that saying "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer?" Rookie talk.

Don't get me wrong. I'm no phony. I'm not deceiving anyone into thinking they're my bestest pals. I'm just a nice person. I don't treat these assclowns in my life any more or less cordially than I treat any perfect stranger. They think they're my bestest friends because they never see me interact with my real bestest friends and family. They have no basis for comparison and so they mistake my everyday normal civility, as friendship. Fools. Given the opportunity to knock a few degrees off their assholiness, they have no idea I'm behind it and neither does anyone else. Rule #1 of psychological warfare: always strike from higher ground. Rule #2: strike to win.

Since you'll no doubt have trouble pretending like Jon is any old schmoe you encounter on a day-to-day basis. Allow me to share some of the easier, more entry-level rules of engagement involving someone who makes your skin scrawl. If you can count to three. You can do this.
  1. "Interesting"

    Jon says anything (at all) to you tomorrow? In person? Via email? This is what you do. You pause. You tilt your head just so like you're contemplating the words, sorta like you actually did hear what he said. Then you count to three (silently). Maybe slowly tilt your head the other way for a second. Maybe a slight smile. Then you only say one word: "Interesting." And then you count to three again. On the third count, just carry on doing something else (ie., wiping off the counter, picking up dirty clothes, pouring yourself a cup of coffee, switch channels on the TV, excuse yourself to the bathroom, you can do anything really. Anything except continue the conversation. He's likely to try again (because remember, he's a dumbass). You always respond the same way: "1-2-3 Interesting 1-2-3." No tone. No confrontation. Experts can do this with a happy lilt that's actually believable. It's the silent treatment without having to be silent. The key is to go about your business unpreturbed. You've ice in your veins. Your mindset is: if you dropped dead of a heartattack right now, darling, I'd simply step over you.

    If you must, you can also substitute other non-committal words like "hmmm", "gosh", "wow", "neat", "I should take some time and google that", "that's a really unique perspective"
  2. "That Reminds Me" followed by a complete non-sequitur

    When Jon says anything (at all) to your tomorrow? This is what you do. You pause. You tilt your head just so like you're contemplating the words, sorta like you actually did hear what he said. Then you count to three (silently). Maybe slowly tilt your head the other way for a second. Then you say "That reminds me" and follow it with something completely off topic like "Kelly so-and-so had the cutest dress on this morning. I'm going to ask the girls if they'd like to learn how to sew. I'd like to learn how to sew too". Count to three again. On the third count, just carry on doing something else (ie., whistle a happy tune, wipe off the counter, picking up dirty clothes, pouring yourself a cup of coffee, switch channels on the TV, excuse yourself to the bathroom, you can do anything really. Anything except continue his conversation. He's likely to try again (because remember, he's a dumbass). You respond with something relating to the off-topic (i.,e Jane makes all her own clothes).

An hour or two of this and he'll be stumped. Mind game!

As simple as these two entry-level techniques are, Kate, no doubt you'll still have to dig deep and find the ice-water in your veins. Do not let Jon provoke you. We already know that's his intent. Do not lose confidence. You're in the driver's seat. Don't wrestle with pigs cause you just get dirty. Good luck.

If anyone would like to role play with me via blog comments so that Kate can see how this is done, let me know. Chat might be a better way to demonstrate the techniques.... is the unofficial gwop room open?


Today in Court

According to the link that folks have posted in comments here, it looks like Kate's emergency motion to get the money back will be heard today, October 7th.

:: bites nails ::

Please oh please, Judge Tilson, let me able to start a thread titled "Suggestions for Jon's Prison Bitch Name." I need some happiness in my life!

In case you're wondering, I fully support a trip to jail for contempt of court.

Blogger Errors

Sorry to report this ...

Blogger being the crappiest web application known to man is currently throwing all sorts of errors whenever I attempt to moderate comments. Other blogs that aren't even half as wonderful as this one are also suffering the problem. Sure, I've reported the problem but I also feel like I could have created my own blogging software in the amount of time it took me to figure out how to report a Blogger problem. I say that without knowing jack-squat about web applications, or technology in general. That's not a compliment, you google dweebs.

I've now 45 some comments in the queue but I'm afraid to touch them. When I do, it's unclear whether I'll receive this goofy "bX-lhziiw" error. And when I do receive the error, it's not clear whether the comment is actually published. As we all know, I have enough trouble getting the stuff published without blogger contributing to the confusion. I hope this means Serena (NHRN) will lose her job at google.

Yeah, I realize this stuff is "free" but our (wasted) time certainly is not free. So f-you, blogger. F-you, serena. Get this fixed. PRONTO!

I have spoken.

Open Discussion: 10/04 to ???

Here's another Open Discussion thread. To help get things started, we have a new report in the "Jon's Fired" thread that Jon's cleaned out the checking account. Interesting but can I believe it? Surely no one is that stupid. If true, Jon will be in very deep caca. Deeper caca than he's already in, but perhaps desperate times call for desperate measures. I suppose a plus to dating a married man in the midst of a public divorce is that rare but very healthy look at your boyfriend's character. Oh wait. His girlfriend is Hailey Glassman, daughter of Plastic-Surgeons-R-Us. Nevermind. When you're that stupid, there are no pluses to dating a married man in the midst of a public divorce.

"I have a very strong faith"

"I have a very strong faith, and I truly believe that God's timing is perfect."

-- Julie Kamauf Brown Daugherty

These are words written by Julie in her October 3rd blog post. She's elaborating on a cryptic, one-line post made earlier in the week : "Timing is everything!" In a nutshell, Julie's rejoicing that things continue to go from bad to worse in the Gosselin family. Which reminds me, will someone go fetch those two posts for me before she deletes them?

Julie may have a very strong faith, but in who or what exactly I'm not sure. The God I hear everyone talk about not only doesn't delight in the destruction of a family, he doesn't plot with blogs and tabloid media to cause it.

Julie may have a very strong faith, and God's timing may be perfect and all that, but apparently her faith isn't strong enough nor God's timing fast enough to keep her from meddling. I'm embarassed that I don't know this, but exactly which section of the Bible tells us to make an internet video and whisper "cheater" in reference to a child's mother? That must be in Doo-Doo-ronomy -- a section which didn't make it into the King James version.

"I’m not going to question the timing of Jon’s decision or even his motives", she writes. She really means "I'm conveniently not going to question the timing of Jon's decision or even his motives FOR NOW because it currently appears that revenge is finally mine. I will, however, continue to question the motives and timing of Kate's decisions. And if Jon should have another epiphany that proves contrary to what I think should be happening in their family, he'll be right back on the shit list too."

In case you're uncertain whether Julie just likes to hear herself write, take a moment to read through this next piece of meaningless dogshit. Warning: it's so bad you may have to use your lips and follow up with a bong hit in order to understand it.

"It's easier to see things from a different perspective looking from the outside in. Sometimes it takes getting away from the situation to realize how bad things really have become. Please remember that Jon and Kate are just ordinary people with no experience in the entertainment industry. I firmly believe that TLC took advantage of that innocence, and although it's easy to say what should have been done, when and how, sometimes things aren’t as simple as they may appear. On the other hand, something that may seem to be so complicated and hopeless may actually be very simple after all."

Getting away from the situation? Har! I'm here to tell you that our beloved truth-seeker has been following every last second of this mess. That last line easily refers to Julie's own transparency in this matter. Refer to her deleted blog posts for additional information. They're floating around here somewhere. Also be certain to take a look at Jodi and Kevin's recent lump-sum mortgage payments followin g their radaronline interviews. That's posted here too.

If I had three wishes, one might definitely be to have all the people who meddled in Julie's divorce step forward and send me the links to their truth-seeker blogs? What's that, you say? What do you mean no one created a blog in search of the truth about Julie's family and failed marriage? How come? Don't give me that "golden rule" crap. That 'golden rule' crap is for people of strong faith.