Rules for Posting

Click here for iwhyawli's tongue-in-check version of GWOP's 954,012 posting rules. If you're wondering why GWOP has so many posting rules, you're not alone.

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Open Discussion: 8/29 to [tbd]

It's time for a fresh open discussion thread! Perhaps one of things we can discuss is why none of the child advocates at GWOP have yet to post commentary on Phil Garrido's blog. Is xsandlapper sleeping on the job?

Deflating Your Own Argument 101

In the long list of the many "unique" things I enjoy about GWOP, the dopes who deflate their own windbag are definitely on my Ten 10 List. A post from "Terri" follows. She gives us paragraph after paragraph of complete outrage and then ends with a statement that pretty much equates to "gee, hmm, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about afterall. "

I call them the "rose anna anna danna" posters. I chuckle every damn time.

Terri said...
To those of you who think that Cara and/or Mady "meltdown" or cry too much try to remember all that those girls have to deal with. Such as...

Having a bucketload of siblings dropped on them when they were very little and then having their lives invaded by many volunteers, all there to help care for the 'tups (lost in the shuffle anyone?).

For years they have had no privacy, no quiet, no normalcy, and IMO no normal diet.

Now, as their parents split and the family is readjusting, they are still being filmed, being asked to perform as if all is ok. When they leave the relative safety of their home they are followed by paparazzi, who will scream terrible things to get a "money shot."

Through this all they have no family network, no friends at their home, and no space to dewith what is happening.

If Cara and Mady want to cry, I don't blame them in the least, in fact I am stunned they don't do it more often.

8/24/2009 4:29 PM


Ha ha ha ... so how many of the comments at the View's website were posted by Julie do you think? She's got to be spitting bullets. SPITTING BULLETS! I love it.

What in the world is so upsetting about Kate's appearance on the View? Nothing. It's just more evidence that child advocacy has nothing to do with anything. In GWOPPERLAND, Kate's not supposed to be on television AT ALL! Period. End of Sentence.

The GWOPPERS can't complain about filming the kids, so the primary beef now seems to be that Kate isn't famous enough for the show. HA! I'm looking at the cast picture below and except for Whoopi Goldberg and Ba-ba Wa-Wa, who are the others? Forget that, remind me why I'm interested in something a "celebrity" might have to say about anything? Does Whoopi Goldberg have a PhD in something that I don't know about? Barbara Walters is an adulteress and an unrepentive one, if I remember correctly. I bet the wife of whatever slob slept with Ba-ba Wa-Wa was tickled pink when Ba-Ba decided to write her tell-all book umpteen years later. "Thanks for bringing all that up again, Ba-Ba. Is there anything you won't do for a buck?" Why does anyone give a crap what Ba-ba Wa-Wa thinks?

I've only seen the show a few times. If Kate had asked for my advice, iwhyawli would have told her to take a pass. The show is positively insipid. Listening to the woman who is sitting next to Whoopi Goldberg was like listening to nails on a chalkboard. Has there ever been an episode where she's not bitching about something? Good god, woman, give it a rest. Try to be happy, for once. Life doesn't suck.

The End.

Back-to-School GWOPPER-style

It's that special special time of year when parents and kids prepare for a return to the classroom. And by prepare, I mean payment of back property taxes, school registration, medical, eye and dental check-ups, haircuts, school clothes, school supplies, negotiating the second mortgage to pay for said school supplies, and the list goes on and on and on.

I still have my Brady Bunch lunch box and thermos. It's worth a fortune I bet. Every year, I feel a bit badly for today's youth that they're too cool anymore to carry their own lunch to school, let a alone a super neat lunch box featuring their favorite TV sitcom. As a young pup, I also recall that I spent an inordinate amount of time every year selecting a fantastic oil cloth for art projects in grades 1 through 3. Oil cloths aren't on the required or even recommended school supplies lists anymore. [Andy Rooney] I wonder why that is? [Andy Rooney]. Possibly because art classes have been cut to pay for the school lunch program.

Somewhere on the official Back-to-School to-do list hopefully sits the all-important Back-to-School Conference between parent and child. This is the meeting where you and your spouse turn off the TV, pry the XBOX thing out of your child's clammy, pale hands and sit down 2-on-1 to convey your expectations regarding their conduct and performance while at school. I also hold similar meetings with each of my staff every year. We call it a "performance review."

So um, yeah, every parent does a Back-to-School Conference with their kid, right?

Certainly the GWOPPERS do this, RIGHT? It's inconceivable that they wouldn't. C'mon! The GWOPPWERS are parenting legends. The GWOPPERS wrote the book on parenting!

Surely GWOPPERS wouldn't send their kids back to school without some basic direction. The real question is--- what exactly are they telling their little miracles.

I'm glad you asked. Here are three of my best guesses:

1. Learning is entirely unimportant. What's important is that none of the other kids have anything better, more expensive or cooler than any of the complete crap you just bought for your kid. If they do, tell the kids to steal it. The best time for rifling through another kids book bag is when they are in gym class and put their book bags in their unlocked locker. If they're not bothering to lock their lockers, the stuff is free game.

2. Establishing Supremacy. Caution your kids against coming home with tales of having been kind or compassionate to anyone. If your kids plans to make his/her way in this world, their number one mission is to sniff out fear, weakness and frailty in other children and use it as an opportunity to bolster their own self-worth and sense of importance. Kids whose parents are divorcing, unemployed or have recently been arrested must be mocked. Kids in wheelchairs must always be left alone to sit on the sidelines during recess or taunted. And for god's sake, definitely make sure your kid knows how to give a good firm shove to any kids with a different skin color. It's never ever to early to teach your children racist behaviors.

3. Creativity Urges. Empower your child to resist all attempts by teachers or playground monitors to stifle their creative urges and vibrant personalities. When precious is feeling mischievous, it's not only cute but absolutely essential that he be allowed to express themselves without interference. Assure them that you and your spouse are full prepared to litigate whatever punitive consequences may arise as a result of their misconduct. As your children grow older, also teach them to recognize the types of misconduct that are most likely to win huge money pay-outs when school district personnel fail to respond to their misconduct in an appropriate manner. For best results, avoid the untested bad behaviors that may necessitate landmark rulings by the United States Supreme Court (e.g., Bongs for Jesus signs at the Pep Rally). These extracted legal proceedings only serve the delay the compensatory damages that are otherwise owed you and your little darling by the American taxpayers.

Okay, I gotta run to a meeting, but I reserve the right to add more guesses or steal yours.

Airplane Advice is Good Advice Too

So here I am, en route to Los Angeles with "Los Angeles" of course being the Spanish word for "strip malls”. No offense, Sharla, but I've never cared much for this city. If we can even call Los Angeles a "city". LA seems very suburban-esque to me. I much prefer the energy of my city, which is a real city. But the weather here is always lovely so I'll give you that.

I thought I'd take this travel opportunity to give Jon some free (and sorely needed) life advice. The guy is clearly at a crossroads and I don't doubt that the advice offered him by his various vendors (i.e., lawyers, agents, PR firm, girlfriends, babysitters/models, etc.) is anything but self-serving.

Jon, I'm taking the time to do this not because I am stuck on a cross-country flight but because you seem abjectly miserable, horribly confused and completely clueless.

On one hand, we have you pandering to the paparazzi wearing 'Lies Lies Lies' t-shirts at your kid's charity lemonade stand, butt-buddying with Michael Lohan in the Hamptons, and hosting Las Vegas pool parties amidst a bevy of personal floatation devices. On the other hand, you repeatedly tell other tabloids and media outlets that you feel like you're living in prison and wish you had a 9-5 job. Pardon our confusion.

Don’t thank me for these numbered points, Jon. Thank today’s really long plane flight.

1. Own your shit. You have only you to blame for your current malaise. Yeah, we get it. If you had to do it all to do over again, you would have done things differently. You would have made different choices. But you let it all get away from you, didn’t you, Jon? It was always easier to do nothing, wasn’t it?. Quit blaming everyone else because you didn't (and still don't) have your shit together. The sooner you realize it's actually YOU (and no one else) that you're angry with, the sooner you can move on with your life.

2. Own your shit (Part II). Slap a smile on your face and finish out that TLC contract without further controversy. Whether or not you enjoy that work is really quite irrelevant. You agreed to do it so own your shit (see Item #1). Unless you win the lotto, you still need to work somewhere (even if turns out that Kate and your 8 kids can support themselves). You can’t afford to get fired, Jon. Those midtown rents don’t pay themselves, buster. Normally I would encourage anyone who is so profoundly unhappy at work to quit and find something more fulfilling. Unfortunately, you have alarmingly few options for a 32 year old. Your skill set and work history is not only unimpressive, it screams "high maintenance, "troublemaker" and ‘hopeless malcontent.' You need to change that perception immediately or you'll forever find yourself working in dead-end jobs for dead-end companies (e.g., Ed Hardy) who never get anywhere for very long because they keep hiring dead-weight employees like you.

3. Own your shit (Par III). Unless the next words that are about to come out of your month pertain to something useful or necessary like the location of the nearest restroom facilities, don’t speak them. Unless your Wernersville house or midtown Manhattan apartment is on fire, don’t come out of it. This strategy is also known as not making yourself out to be a complete idiot until you have a clearer idea of your goals. The authors of ‘Job Hunting for Dummies’ devote an entire two paragraphs to this principle in a chapter titled “Your Cluelessness is not a Strength.” If you’re not familiar with the word “goals”, they usually pertain to whatever it is you want to accomplish in life and how you wish people to perceive you. If you’re looking for a good goal-setting exercise, write your obituary --- i.e., write down what it is you hope people would say about you at your funeral and then compare it to what they would say if you died tomorrow. Works like a charm, Jon. Instant motivation! Until which time you set some goals, Jon, try not to die anytime soon. Trust me on this.

4. Own your shit (Part IV). The strategic importance of not revealing your complete cluelessness cannot be over emphasized. Stay off the radar(online), Jon. All too often teen-agers and twenty-somethings can’t keep a low profile either. Understandably, most lack gobs of confidence, direction and self-control at this early stage of life. The smart ones know to stay home and read books. But the dopes venture out, feeling confident that they can mask all their insecurities with pierced ears, clown clothes, marijuana, seedy bars and cheap sex. Inevitably, they hit bottom. Inevitably, some “friend” takes their picture passed out in a potted plant and they immediately become the butt of every internet joke--- never to be taken seriously again for a long, long time. I hope this never happens to you, Jon, or to anyone you know.

Ahhhh! My plane is landing, ya'll! It’s time to stow any carry-on items that I may have removed from the overhead or underseat compartments and return my tray table to its upright, locked position.

Unlike Jon, I typically do what others tell me to do. Accordingly, I will use caution when opening the overhead bins as heavier items may have shifted during flight. In a few moments, the flight attendants will pass through the cabin for a final time to collect any remaining trash items and check seat belts. I will give her my empty plastic cup and empty tomato juice can and I will keep my seat belt firmly fastened until the captain turns off the seat belt light indicating that it is safe to walk about the cabin.

This concludes my life advice for Jon Gosselin. We know you have a choice of blog travel and we hope to see you again in the friendly skies. Thank you for the many comments (especially the funny ones) while I have been distracted elsewhere. Have an enjoyable evening in the Los Angeles area or wherever you final destination may be.