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Click here for iwhyawli's tongue-in-check version of GWOP's 954,012 posting rules. If you're wondering why GWOP has so many posting rules, you're not alone.

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OMG! A Parenting Application ! [thud]

While we wait for the next round of pics where Hailey is face-down in her own vomit, I thought I'd share some exciting news.

We've received an application to our GWOPWOP Parenting Study, y'all! Take a look! I redacted the first and last name for fear this fool actually included a real name but I did not touch her blogging name, which I don't recognize.

My comments appear in purple along with some "Perfect Mommy" points. I welcome your assessment. I'll then render a final decision as to whether this mother is good enough.

General Information

  1. First Name [redacted ] Last Name [redacted]
  2. Location [California ]
  3. Marital Status [M ]
  4. Sex [F ]
  5. Total Children in Household: [2 ] Boys [ 1] Girls
  6. Any multiples? [ 0]
  7. How many of the above children live with you because you launched a successful campaign to have them taken away from their biological parents?[ 0] Boys [ 0] Girls

    iwhyawli : The 'Perfect Mommy' is funny and this applicant's answers to the general questions couldn't be more boring or mundane. The closest thing to funny that I found is the "o" typed in response to Question 6. But I'm sure she meant "zero" instead of the letter "o."

    'Perfect Mommy Points' : 0 (zero)(zip)(zilch)(zippo)(goose egg)

Blogging Information

  1. What is the URL to your primary blog [N/A ]
  2. How many other blogs do you have? [N/A ]
  3. What is your most often used blogging ID [rockypriscilla ]
  4. How many other bloggings ID do you have?
    [X] 0 [ ] Less than 50 [ ] More than 200

    iwhyawli : This applicant doesn't have nearly enough blogging experience, in my opinion. I'm offended. Does this applicant not realize who her competition is ? Serena alone has 452 blogs. Julie has the 1 known blog plus her secret message board. Combined, they have 1,933,221 screen names.

    'Perfect Mommy Points' : 0 (zero). The bitch is lucky I didn't award negative points.
Employment Information

  1. Length of Current Unemployment [I have a severe injury and will probably never work again. I have had multiple surgeries. I am about to have one more that will hopefully help to make the pain more tolerable. It is my last shot at being able to run and play with my kids like a normal mother. If I had the health that Kate has, there is no way that I wouldn't utilize it to spend quality time with my kids, just playing and making memories.]

    iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" makes the best of every situation. She doesn't feel sorry for herself and she certainly doesn't hold a grudge against other mothers who are more fortunate. We don't see that here. We see the root cause of the trademark jealousy that is so typical of every GWOPPER.

    Perfect Mommy Points' : +2 points. These are pity points for the injury, which was most likely self-inflicted.

Parenting Information
(Include pictures, if possible)

  1. What is the color of your cell phone? [black and cheap]
  2. iwhyawli : Geez, wake me when this over! 0 points

  3. What color and type of unna-wears do you wear? [bikini]
  4. iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" can read. -2 points for not including the color of your unna-wears.

  5. What type of shoes do you wear while pumping gas? [converse or sandals (comfy mom shoes)]
  6. iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" is not a butch lesbian. -2 points.

  7. What is your favorite kitchen utensil to use as a sex toy?
    [don't need one, my husband can handle it!]
  8. iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" isn't so selfish. -20 points.

  9. What is your general philosophy on giving water to people who are thirsty? [I always offer water to the gardner and all workers that come into my house. As for my kids, they are always welcome and encouraged to drink plenty of water. If I was interviewing all day, I would ask the TV channel to take a small break so that my 8 children could quench their thirst, especially if I had time to quench mine in front of them.]
  10. iwhyawli : Water for the workmen? Really? This applicant is a regular Mother Teresa! Not! The "Perfect Mommy" does her own gardening, plumbing and carpentry work. There is never a need to offer water to workmen. -100 points.

  11. Who is El Salvador? [A country???]
  12. iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" is confident. Especially when the questions questions are painfully simple. 0 points.

  13. If your hair was a tree, what type of tree would it be? [Weeping willow (sad but true, I was "blessed" with very thin hair)]

    iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" has a super cute hairdo. I was certain all the GWoPper Hair Nazi's would know this. 0 points.
Writing Sample
Describe the shittiest thing you ever did to one of your siblings.

[I guess that my older brother would tell you that the shittiest thing that I have done is to protest with everything in me when he moved away. You see, he and his wife were filing for a divorce, and he got a new girlfriend (immediately after the breakup). He swiftly got her pregnant and moved from our town to a town about 5-6 hours away to start a new life with his new love and her family. He felt that I should be happy for him. Why did I protest? Well, I forgot to mention that he left the three children that he already had here with their mother. This is immediately after their parents are divorcing. Now dad is moving away. He sees them about 5 times a year and refuses to communicate with his ex (his new girlfriend is jealous of her) so instead he communicates through the kids. He hates that we still have a relationship with their mother, but it is because of her that we are able to see them. So yeah, I couldn't agree with him doing that, even if it made him "happy". So now he hasn't spoken to me in quite some time, but I still see my niece and nephews. The only other thing would be when I had to show my little brother tough love. He was hooked on meth and refused to stop. I had to keep my distance and it was this distance that caused him to get help and he is now clean and sober. I talk to him often and try my best to councel him if he needs it.]

iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" knows when to mind her own business and how to be supportive. Epic fail here on both accounts. -100 points.

I would never, ever put my kids on camera on a regular basis. Kate and Jon should do one or two update specials a year, and let those kids have a normal life.

iwhyawli : The Perfect Mommy doesn't volunteer her .02 cents nor does she care whether or not you'd put your kids on camera. Last but not least, the Perfect Mommy would NEVER condemn anyone (let alone their kids) to whatever "normal" is. Perfect mommies don't judge, rockypriscilla. Tsk. Tsk.

[Go GWOP. Let me know where to send my mortgage info ;) ]

iwhyawli : No offense, but things aren't looking too good for you, babe. Your application earned -222 points. I didn't think that a negative point total was even possible. You GWoPpers are always so full of surprises.


Anonymous said...

So, I'm guessing she's not on "Team Jon" because of her brother? Or no. It's hard to keep the thoughts of the deranged straight.

mdew said...

Do they have laws in California to protect against such sucky mothers?

Anonymous said...

Her brother is doing the same thing as Jon.

The overwhelming majority of the stories about Kate are about her working. Even when married, she had no time for "making memories" because she was married to a deadbeat.

GWoP Moms are Dumbasses said...

I came across the following post on TMZ. I think it is classic GWoP mom wannabe child advocate mentality and modus operandi:

I wrote an email to the Hardy company, this is the response I received:

To: Tara Gregory
To: Jimmy Smith
Subject: Jon Gosselin
Sent: Jul 12, 2009 12:04 PM

I would like to congratulate the genius that thought it would be a great idea to use a separated, 32yo, father of 8 and use him to promote your clothing...Just what my kids and millions of other think "I want to wear clothes like Dad"...Yeah...And where does the $$$ come from?...Mostly parents who do not think he is anyone that should be emulated (a celebrity?, OK)...It's time for corporations to start being role models in a good way instead of thinking the more controversy the better...How would you feel if it were YOUR children that will eventually see Dad with another woman?
Thank you for your E-mail. I am a personal friend of Jon Gosselin and so is Christian Audigier. Jon is a great dad who loves his children dearly. We think it's great that he enjoys wearing our clothes.

He and Christian are working together on a motorcycle inspired line because they both enjoy riding, building, and designing motorcycles and hot rods.

I believe you are clearly misinformed and appreciate your concern. I hope you continue to support our brand. Have a great weekend.


Tara Gregory
Marketing Director
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
7/13/2009 1:05 PM

Posted at 4:46AM on Jul 14th 2009 by idouttit

Anonymous said...

I'd say rockypriscilla has some baggage.

iwhyawli said...

"Continue to support our brand?" Tara may have a reading comprehension problem.

We have a moron writing to a moron who makes clown clothes. This level of intelligentsia weakens the nation.

Anonymous said...

I was particularly intrigued by the response to the employment info. I think someone should do a study on the nexus between being a judgmental GWOPper bitch and being a fat-ass lazy unemployed hypochondriac. The correlation must be close to 1:1.

Anonymous said...

What I love about the Ed Hardy nonsense is it's a publicity stunt on the part of the company! Jon is too stupid to notice that yeah, he may get one t-shirt out there-- but Jon is actually the butt of a big joke.
The company has done the same thing on other shows.


"I have a severe injury and will probably never work again. I have had multiple surgeries."


Anonymous said...

she is an ebay-a-holic too! Google is your friend.

disability fraud said...

well if she can blog all day and type, she can type in any secretarial work...I smell, ummm disability fraud?

Her injury is not keeping her from sitting up in bed or in a chair typing, so able hands, able back, and she can stare at a monitor screen, then for her precious 3 she can work a part-time or full-time position in data entry!

Think of the money you could put away for your precious 3 for college if you did that rockyprissy!

Get off your pooper and stop pulling in the disability checks that others are paying for you to sit on your butt and GWOP all day and ebay (she has an ebay business going, she can fricken work!)

I hate people who say they cannot work because of a disability, yet they find other ways to bring in income or just be lazy all day.

Great role modeling for 3 kids who will turn into sponges and ride the system too. Give your hubby a break and help bring in some cha-ching. Think of the money for vacays, college you could be accumulating for your own children!

She gets an F in my book!

Anonymous said...

she was dumb enough to send in an app knowing this would happen.

I don't think she is very bright, that would be her disability. If she has time to fill out a parental app here, she has time and ability to fill out an app for a computer data job.


iwhyawli said...

All excellent points, team. She clearly does not love her children and want them to have nice things. I should subtract some more points.

Iwhyawli rocks - LisaK sucks said...

I think LisaK has blog envy. She seems obsessed about GWoPWop. I went over to the The Pennsylvania Conservative blog and was reading over some of the comments, a lot of them were praising this site, and then I found the comment below. Iwhyawli, I believe that LisaK is jealous of you. I recommend going over to her site and reading all the crazy ass comments she makes about you, this site and people who post here. Absolutely crazy.

Open Wide says:
June 28, 2009 at 1:15 pm
The gwop-without-pity site is just a bunch of old hags with nothing better to do. They have a beef with GWOP because the folks there wouldn’t publish their fucktard comments and now continue to show their asses on their own site. Good luck.

Penny Pengleton said...

Eh, once they threatened someone I knew w/ legal action because they posted GWoP quotes on another sites comments. Strangely, the crackerjack legal action never happened. Odd, no?