The PENNMOMMY Codex

'Loveit' asked in one of the comments around here: "Tell me about PENNMOMMY."

It's an important story, especially for newcomers to the Great Gosselin debate. But as a newcomer myself, I won't be the best person to tell it.

When I started this blog, I did know there was some sort of controversy regarding PENNMOMMY (PM) but I hadn't paid much attention to it and didn't yet know any the disturbing details. For what I wanted to write about -- mocking GWoPpers-- I already had plenty of other material.

Almost immediately, however, different readers started sending links to all the sordid details. Here's what I've learned about PENNMOMMY. Hope I've not screwed anything up.

The PENNMOMMY Codex
by: iwhyawli

PENNMOMMY (PM) was/is one of the original GWoPpers who also claimed to be a neighbor of the Gosselins.

Best I can tell, GWoP is a spin-off from some blog called TWoP. The TWoPpers booted the GWoPpers when they started posting people's home and work addresses, calling employers, harassing the churches where J&K's were scheduled to appear, etc., etc.

Neat!

In truth, it turns out that PM actually lives in California and was one of those home-bound, bed-ridden people on TLC's Half Ton People series. She couldn't stay on the prescribed diet and when TLC decided not to give her any more airtime, she blamed Jon & Kate's popularity and started stirring the shit.

Everything starts falling apart for PENNMOMMY when she announces that her imaginary son was near death. All too willing to believe anything they hear, the GWoPpers immediately threw their emotional and financial support to PENNMOMMY, sending prayers, cards, money and food (of course).

Anyone else with half a brain immediately questioned why the precarious condition of her imaginary son had zero impact on PM's 24x7 internet usage.

Just about the time PM's imaginary son died his imaginary death in the imaginary hospital, folks were able to demonstrate with ample evidence that the whole PM schtick was a complete hoax.

Poof! PM soon vanishes from the Gosselin blogosphere. By "vanishes", I mean stops using the PENNMOMMY nic and immediately starts using another one.

The GWoP moderators and posters known as Fiona, iluveyore and 3Farmers were some of PM's most ardent supporters. They've been mentioned in some of the comments here and a google search quickly reveals that they're still around and actively bickering with everyone.

It is also widely believed that PM and at least Serena Leigh Bell (not her real name) are the same person. I don't know which GWoP moderator lives in St Louis, but if they're not in close cahoots with PM/Serena, I hope they are checking their bank balances and credit ratings everyday.

If I had to guess: it's Aunt Jodi's sister, Julie, who lives in St Louis and she isn't Aunt Jodi's sister at all. Serena vouches for Julie, of course, which is good enough for me. Let me get my checkbook.

Not yet one year later, the GWoP blog not only manages to survive its big scandal, it thrives and we already see the moderators back in the game trying once again to harvest whatever personal information they can get their hands on.

The End.

I invite others who were around at that time to share additional details (and correct mine which I know are messed up).

What was your favorite moment of the PENNMOMMY era?

Watergate

Some GWoP cuckoo named Therese --- a name I mention in case you all recognize that name as belonging to the PENNMOMMY family of cuckoo puffs -- sent me an accusatory comment that I "have been noticeably and curiously silent on the Watergate matter." Spittle. Spittle. Spittle.

As if, what, Therese? As if that video is vindication that you and the rest of the GWoPpers aren't a bunch a madcows?

You'd be wrong. I think you're all nuttier than ever. I didn't think this was possible but the collective IQ over there may have even dropped a point.

I can't get worked up about the Watergate video for one simple reason: it was merely a moment in time. Correction. It was only one very short moment in time for which there appear to be multiple edited versions. Gee, I wonder if someone is trying to make news?

Even if I were to assess the version of the video which tries to paint Kate in the worst possible light, I can't come to any conclusions.

I have no idea what happened in the days, hours and minutes prior to the video.

And I have no idea what happened in moments after the video.

For all I know, Mady had just polished off a Jumbo-Size Grape Slurpee and needed another drink of anything like she needed a hole in the head.

For all I know, Kate went and purchased Mady a lifetime supply of water immediately following the 4 minute video clip.

And during the video, I can't say that Kate did anything that I wouldn't have done myself. You see, I try not to reward my child's bad behavior with attention. I'm pretty sure all those new-fangled Parenting Coaches tell us not to do that too. And for crap sake, can't we go a whole 7 days before our kidneys shut down?

Perhaps it follows, Therese, that I shouldn't have rewarded your bad behavior by responding to your comment. Perhaps I shouldn't reward the bad behavior of the entire GWoP blog by sponsoring this blog.

But you're adults, Therese. Presumably.

If by now you haven't figured out that no response to your behavior most likely means you're doing something wrong, you'll never figure it out. You leave the rest of us no choice but to spell everything out for you in plain, bold letters.

Poor 'ol seething Serena (not her real name) just can not understand why no one is "actually putting some decent laws in place. You know, like this blog has been asking for since last Spring!" Spittle. Spittle. Spittle. Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!

Keep banging your head against the wall, Serena.

I'm confident the answer will never dawn on you and I fully enjoy watching you and your trolling buddies make fools of yourselves and your oh-so faithful blog followers.

As a reminder, the deadline for voluntarily sending your identity to Serena is June 15th.

GWoP Bitchfest in Review for week ending 06/12/09

Here's a summary of this week's GWoP bitchfest.

Sorry in advance -- this f-ing list is longer than the Laura Linger Manifesto. I'm also certain that I've overlooked something. Help iwhyawli out?

At GWoP, endless harping is an art form.

Prepare to commence eye-rolling.

In no particular order:

1. Water-gate
2. Excessive-and-unnecessary-display-of-iPhones-gate
3. Age-Inappropriate-Bib-gate
4. Who-takes-kids-clothing-to-a-Dry-cleaner-gate
5. Kate-just-went-to-the-god-damn-spa-in-San-Diego-and-now-she's-going-again!-gate
6. Loud-and-Excessive-cackling-gate
7. Extravagant-$125,0000-motorcycle-gate
8. Front-Buckingham-Fountain-Gate-gate
9. Kate's-Filthy-Feet-on-Picnic-Blanket-gate
10. Excessive-Wearing-of-Denim-Skirt-gate
11. Open-toed-shoes-on-scooter-gate
12. No-Helmet-Wearing-gate
13. Excessive-Use-of-Paper-Plates-gate
14. Excessive-Cracking-of-Gum-gate
15. Inhumane-Crating-of-Dogs-crate
16. Suspiciously-deferred-kindergarten-gate
17. Selfish-Request-for-Crunchy-Onions-Without-Asking-Others-gate
18. Inappropriate-Use-of-Spoon-as-Sex-Toy-gate
19. Spatula-as-Weapon-gate
20. Garish-Choice-of-Nail-Polish-Color-at-Unnecessary-Spa-Visit-gate
21. Failure-to-address-Emeril-as-Chef Emeril-gate
22. Failure-to-eat-Dinner-with-Emeril-in-Dining-Room-gate
23. Quit-Honking-the-Scooter-Horn-else-Naptime-gate
24. There's-No-H-in-Jon-on-Scooter-gate
25. Excessive-Starbuck-Cup-Sightings-on-Kitchen-Counter-gate
26. OCC-guys-not-allowed-in-McMansion-gate
27. Always-Blurred-Out-Not-A-Nanny-gate
28. Mady's-Choice-of-Stuffed-Turtle-for-Cara-as-Most-Useless-Gift-gate
29. Jon-will-no-doubt-kill-himself-in-tragic-motorcycle-accident-and-then-what-gate
30. Garlic-Peeling-Marathon-gate
31. Only-One-Smelly-Strawberry-Per-Child-gate
32. Why-Do-We-Never-See-the-Kids-Drink-Milk-gate
33. Hidden-Toy-in-Joels-Coat-Pocket-gate
34. Proper-Pronuniciation-of-Our-versus-Are-gate
35. Missing-Pool-Fence-gate
36. Failure-to-recognize-white-stuff-as-macaroni-gate
37. 100th-Show-was-Really-96th-Show-gate
38. Kate's-Inappropriate-Sniffing-of-that-one-Hairy-Guy's-Hair-gate
39. Why-the-Fuck-Is-Joel-Riding-A-Bike-with-Training-Wheels-Again-gate
40. Emeril-Flirt-Fest-using-Wonky-Eye-gate
41. Real-or-Fake-Boobs-gate

Well well well ...

Can you guess who this is?

Nice beak.

Here's a clue: She's unemployed.

GWoP Facebook Fun - Volume 1

One Step Forward. Three Steps Back.

Just finished reading Laura Linger's re-crap of the last J&K episode. We're making progress. There wasn't a single reference to Kate's shoes.

However, GWoPpers, I see that you still cannot bring yourselves to withhold commentary on physical appearances.

So.

If you can't beat them, join 'em.

GWoPwop is pleased to announce a new weekly feature called

"GWoP Facebook Fun"
Volume 1

Diane & her Dog

Which is which?

This woman's husband is a lucky, lucky man

Whenever I hear someone say "I'm no prude" that's usually a very strong clue that she's one giant prude.

Case in point:

----------------------------------------------------------
Deb said...
The BEST recap I've ever read here. Brilliant.

My favorite part that I also noticed but didn't hear anyone mention:"She recovers enough to eye-flirt with the camera guy again, saying “Back, boy. Back.” She smiles widely, all pearly veneers and dead beaver hairdo and flirty eyes, even her wonky one."

It was VERY creepy..I felt so awkward seeing her do that, a mother in the kitchen with her children and husband and she was acting so sexual!

I'm no prude and am usually the LAST one to take offense at crude humor..but she was literally using the spoon as a whip and purred "down boy" and as he backed away, she had this horrible grin and was moving her hands suggestively. How embarrassing for her family!

Honestly, she was acting so loose and flirty, I can't imagine how their guest felt.

Oh and why was Emeril not seated at the head of the table..but jammed alongside the kids? Poor guy is quite portly and he was barely on the edge of the table!

But yea, that was just too much. I can't believe how terrible that looked..she's practically making love to the camera!
6/10/2009 11:13 PM
-----------------------------------

If you thought Kate was "acting so sexually in the kitchen", Deb, I suggest you NOT watch the movie "9 1/2 weeks". Or, maybe you should.

You're definitely needing something.

American Chopper Tonite! And 90 minutes too!

There's lots to worry about on tonite's episode of American Chopper. I'll rest easier when the show is finally over.

They say that Paul Sr and Sharla are frequently mistaken for each other so perhaps this is the one J&K episode that the GWoPpers can't help but love. We'll see.

The promos also show the kids howling, howling, howling (and I mean howing!) in laughter at some guy's ventriloquist act.

Surely all that laughing can't be healthy for such tiny little diaphragm muscles. Ut oh. I sure hope this isn't the episode that finally compels Child Protective Services to put the kids in foster homes.

:: biting my nails ::