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Click here for iwhyawli's tongue-in-check version of GWOP's 954,012 posting rules. If you're wondering why GWOP has so many posting rules, you're not alone.

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Open Letter to Kate Gosselin

Dear Kate:

It's come to iwhyawli's attention that you "get to spend" some time tomorrow in Jon's presence as the family celebrates the twins' birthday. First of all, Happy Birthday to the twins! They're more gorgeous every day in every way. I'm sure you cannot be more proud.

Secondly, by "get to spend" I mean "must endure". This is why I write to you today. Not only can I get you through tomorrow, you'll wish everyday was like tomorrow. How's that for a fresh perspective!


You see, it's a little known fact, but I am expert in psychological warfare. My expertise is a little known fact because you simply can't *be* an expert in psychological warfare if everyone knows you're an expert in psychological warfare. Get my drift? If you have any lingering questions regarding my expertise in psychological warfare, I offer you the impact of this gwopwop blog on the GWOPPERS as Exhibit A and in support thereof. I drive them all nuts. They hate me more than they hate you. They can't get enough of me. If you could only see my comments queue. Oh, how I press their buttons! I really enjoy that.


This will sound crazy, but some of my so-called best friends have no idea that I positively cannot stand them. They make my skin crawl and yet they are blissfully unaware that I see straight through their every b-s motive. You know that saying "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer?" Rookie talk.


Don't get me wrong. I'm no phony. I'm not deceiving anyone into thinking they're my bestest pals. I'm just a nice person. I don't treat these assclowns in my life any more or less cordially than I treat any perfect stranger. They think they're my bestest friends because they never see me interact with my real bestest friends and family. They have no basis for comparison and so they mistake my everyday normal civility, as friendship. Fools. Given the opportunity to knock a few degrees off their assholiness, they have no idea I'm behind it and neither does anyone else. Rule #1 of psychological warfare: always strike from higher ground. Rule #2: strike to win.


Since you'll no doubt have trouble pretending like Jon is any old schmoe you encounter on a day-to-day basis. Allow me to share some of the easier, more entry-level rules of engagement involving someone who makes your skin scrawl. If you can count to three. You can do this.
  1. "Interesting"

    Jon says anything (at all) to you tomorrow? In person? Via email? This is what you do. You pause. You tilt your head just so like you're contemplating the words, sorta like you actually did hear what he said. Then you count to three (silently). Maybe slowly tilt your head the other way for a second. Maybe a slight smile. Then you only say one word: "Interesting." And then you count to three again. On the third count, just carry on doing something else (ie., wiping off the counter, picking up dirty clothes, pouring yourself a cup of coffee, switch channels on the TV, excuse yourself to the bathroom, you can do anything really. Anything except continue the conversation. He's likely to try again (because remember, he's a dumbass). You always respond the same way: "1-2-3 Interesting 1-2-3." No tone. No confrontation. Experts can do this with a happy lilt that's actually believable. It's the silent treatment without having to be silent. The key is to go about your business unpreturbed. You've ice in your veins. Your mindset is: if you dropped dead of a heartattack right now, darling, I'd simply step over you.

    If you must, you can also substitute other non-committal words like "hmmm", "gosh", "wow", "neat", "I should take some time and google that", "that's a really unique perspective"
  2. "That Reminds Me" followed by a complete non-sequitur

    When Jon says anything (at all) to your tomorrow? This is what you do. You pause. You tilt your head just so like you're contemplating the words, sorta like you actually did hear what he said. Then you count to three (silently). Maybe slowly tilt your head the other way for a second. Then you say "That reminds me" and follow it with something completely off topic like "Kelly so-and-so had the cutest dress on this morning. I'm going to ask the girls if they'd like to learn how to sew. I'd like to learn how to sew too". Count to three again. On the third count, just carry on doing something else (ie., whistle a happy tune, wipe off the counter, picking up dirty clothes, pouring yourself a cup of coffee, switch channels on the TV, excuse yourself to the bathroom, you can do anything really. Anything except continue his conversation. He's likely to try again (because remember, he's a dumbass). You respond with something relating to the off-topic (i.,e Jane makes all her own clothes).

An hour or two of this and he'll be stumped. Mind game!

As simple as these two entry-level techniques are, Kate, no doubt you'll still have to dig deep and find the ice-water in your veins. Do not let Jon provoke you. We already know that's his intent. Do not lose confidence. You're in the driver's seat. Don't wrestle with pigs cause you just get dirty. Good luck.

If anyone would like to role play with me via blog comments so that Kate can see how this is done, let me know. Chat might be a better way to demonstrate the techniques.... is the unofficial gwop room open?

:)

25 comments:

mdew said...

I'll role play with you, iwhyawli!

iwhyawli said...

Interesting.

mdew said...

Interesting?

iwhyawli said...

Interesting!

mdew said...

Wow, you really are good at this.

iwhyawli said...

oh gosh, that reminds me! I have got to remember to return my library books tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Jon Gosselin Preparing For Birthday ShowdownJon Gosselin Preparing For Birthday Showdown
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted on Oct 07, 2009 @ 07:24PM print it send it
INF DailyJon Gosselin was spotted buying a birthday cake Wednesday at The Cupcake Café in New York City.

Jon Buys Birthday Cake For The Twins

Jon’s twin daughters Cara and Mady turn nine on Thursday, and according to Jon he intends to spend the evening with them celebrating.


But that goes against wife Kate’s wishes who has asked Jon to just spend the hours of 4 - 6 alone with the kids, and then to take what would of been her time with the kids on Saturday and Sunday.


Kate explained in an email that she does not want to spend time with the kids and Jon together due to their strained relationship.


Earlier Wednesday Jon railed against Kate insisting that he would spend as much time as he wanted with the kids and would even stay over at the house if he chose, as it still belongs half to him.

Looks like there’s fireworks brewing at the Gosselin household!

iwhyawli said...

Interesting.

Anonymous said...

Gwopwop chatzy is open.

Yahoo Emailer said...

Gwop Without Pity chatzy room is available again.

http://www.chatzy.com/171038863656

iwhyawli said...

Rats, I fell asleep and missed chatting. It would have been the perfect opportunity too because I'm on the road. Am also travelling home today so probably can't make it in there today either. Next week brings new opportunities. Good luck today, Kate. Dig deep. You can do it. Set the lowest possible expectations for Jon so you'll not wind up completely infuriated.

P.S. Homemade cake beats store-bought cake everyday. If Jon weren't an idiot, he'd know that.

ladeedah said...

did Jon say something about Kate making a homemade cake? Because really???

I mean, what can he do for those kids other then bring them free gifts and possibly teach them to have a drug addition.

Give me a flipping break...

gurrrr!

Anonymous said...

So Hailey tweeted out this link today:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Xpeami317s

Is this her way of saying happy bday to the twins?

She is stupid.

CrawlySkinBFF said...

hmmm that reminds me, I need to trim hubby's nose hairs. Interesting!

Anonymous said...

Ha thank God Douchebag did not make the girls a cake, him and Hailey would have probably made their pot cupcakes. His cake would sink anyway, it would take one look at Jon's ugly pimple face coming out of the oven and go "OMG" and the middle would collapse.

DorkweaselJon said...

surprised Jon did not have "It Is All About Me" written on the twin's birthday cake. NOW rumor on a comment blog is, that ET is going to follow Jon to the Gosselin Gates to the twin's birthday, yep, Daddy is exploiting his twins special day for money. Imagine that!

Anonymous said...

Just saw this on TMZ:

-------------------------------

As we first reported, the wife of the judge in the case died yesterday and the scheduled hearing was postponed as a result. Now there's an arbitration conference set for the 13th in which the issues Kate's lawyer raised -- that Jon took $230,000 from the joint account without permission -- will be addressed. We're told the arbitrator has the power to issue an injunction, forcing Jon to return the loot.

Sources also say Jon's lawyer has filed legal papers squarely contesting Kate's claim, alleging she's the one who looted the account. Ultimately, the bank records will be the smoking gun, and Jon may have some trouble in that department.

We're told Jon has struck a deal with a TV show to allow it to film his kids' birthday party today -- this is the same Jon who doesn't want his kids filmed on "Kate Plus 8." To that, Kate's lawyer, Mark Momjian, tells TMZ "I've never seen a greater hallmark for hypocrisy personified."

Anonymous said...

Jon is soon going to learn he cannot treat the Judge like he treats the paparazzi cameras and the public, a Judge sees through the BS and is not humored when a person intentionally ties up a court room on antics and hysteria.t

iwhyawli said...

Hard to believe, I know, but Hailey seems to have been a tad mistaken about that whole "everyone's moved on except the viewers" thing. Jon? Definitely has not moved on. As evidenced by his need to prevent Kate from moving on (ie., delay divorce proceedings, purge the bank account, cut off revenue stream, etc.).

Put that little tidbit in your crackpipe and smoke it, Hailey.

iwhyawli said...

A new poll is up!

Anonymous said...

Jon & Kate's New Court Date
Posted Oct 8th 2009 12:36PM by TMZ Staff

We've learned Jon and Kate Gosselin will be back in court next Tuesday, before an arbitrator, who could order Jon to return the money he took from their joint account and he could even be held in contempt.



As we first reported, the wife of the judge in the case died yesterday and the scheduled hearing was postponed as a result. Now there's an arbitration conference set for the 13th in which the issues Kate's lawyer raised -- that Jon took $230,000 from the joint account without permission -- will be addressed. We're told the arbitrator has the power to issue an injunction, forcing Jon to return the loot.

Sources also say Jon's lawyer has filed legal papers squarely contesting Kate's claim, alleging she's the one who looted the account. Ultimately, the bank records will be the smoking gun, and Jon may have some trouble in that department.

We're told Jon has struck a deal with a TV show to allow it to film his kids' birthday party today -- this is the same Jon who doesn't want his kids filmed on "Kate Plus 8." To that, Kate's lawyer, Mark Momjian, tells TMZ "I've never seen a greater hallmark for hypocrisy personified."

ladeedah said...

I think Kates sexy!

Anonymous said...

TMZ reports that Jon did not order or pay for the cake! FATHER OF THE YEAR! Entertainment Tonight ordered and paid for it. You know the same crew he wanted to follow him and tape the party. ET GOOD, TLC BAD! He is such a joke. Tired of the attention yet willingly talks with anyone camera crew/TV show. I can't believe the guy.

And he says he only took out 22k BUT they did not say he took out the $230,000 at ONE TIME. The total amount he withdrew probably equaled that amount. Why would Kate lie about something that can be easily proven? I think that's what happened. He's so stupid he probably thought taking it out at different times in different amounts means he wouldn't get caught. I don't know how Kate does is but I could not handle dealing with him and people wonder why she treated him the way she did.

Hey iwhyawli did you put the clip up of Nancy Grace ripping Jon a new one? He can't even answer her questions and has his shady ass greasy lawyer do it.


And does anyone wonder why he keeps spewing this bs about trying to put a stop to the show for months when they have a contract and they have to complete the 40 or so episodes they legally agreed on??!

AND if he could send a "cease and desist" order NOW why didn't he do it months ago when he claims he started trying to put a stop to the show? Oh right because he's doing it because they dropped him from the show! I think the man is narcissistic. When they asked him on that insider panel about the children and needing therapy he turned it around and started talking about himself. When Nancy asks him why is he talking about himself that the lady asked about his children he couldnt even answer. WOW. I can't believe someone with eight children could be so self absorbed. This whole thing is baffling. What a person he turned out to be. I knew all along he was this way. I can tell he was the quiet on camera type, assole off camera type. I've said it numerous times on IMDB boards a long time ago when everyone hated Kate and loved Jon. I always see through people. He was never genuine.

laadeedah said...

There's nothing wrong with a little "herbal stimulation" to get a birthday party started. I'm gonna tell the Gosselin 8 what I tell my own kids,light up,eat a cupcake or shut up & go away!

Anonymous said...

Kate Picks Up The Twins From SchoolKate Picks Up The Twins From School
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Posted on Oct 09, 2009 @ 06:46PM print it send it
INF DailyKate Gosselin picked up the twins, Mady and Cara, from school on Friday along with one of their nannies and her bodyguard, Steve Neild.

PHOTOS: Kate Picks Up The Twins From School

It was the twins' ninth birthday Thursday and it looks like Kate may be carrying on the celebrations as some of Mady and Cara's friends arrived at the Gosselin house.

Kate Hires Her Best Friend To Babysit The Kids

Tensions have been high all week between Kate and her estranged hubby Jon, with Kate starting out the week accusing Jon of pilfering $230,000 from their joint bank account and then the two facing a showdown Thursday over the twins birthday party.

In addition, RadarOnline.com learned Friday that Kate has filed for child and spousal support, following her claims that she could no longer afford to pay the bills.

Kate Goes To Court For Child And Spousal Support

Jon and Kate's lawyers are set to square off against each other in court Tuesday. Be sure to check back at RadarOnline.com for all the developing news.