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Kids and their Magical Powers

Well, readers, from the sounds of things, Rabbi Shmuley is making great progress with Jon*.

Let's see. Instead of showing up two hours late or not at all, Jon only kept people waiting for a half hour. Fortunately, most of them already stayed home since he allegedly said (in the 11th hour) that he wasn't going to show up and then he did. Not that I care what happens to people who pay $25 to see a guy humiliate himself but that's not the point. The point is: Jon was late. Again. Saying you'll show up at a designated time and then not showing up or showing up late is a textbook example of passive aggression. People are not habitually late by accident. They are habitually late because they are self-centered jackasses.

We also have another heartfelt* apology from Jon to Kate which this time includes his declaration of love and devotion to his mistress, Hailey Glassman, in the very same sentence. Jon is nothing if not an efficient wordsmith. And yet, neither one of them can understand why Hailey is perceived as a homewrecker. This intriques me and my only guess is that they are confusing the word "homewrecker" with "slut". If Hailey were just a slut and not a homewrecker, she'd limit her relationship with Jon to sexy time without all the Kate smacktalk that only serves to place the kids smackdab in the middle of the confusion, hard feelings and angst.

Let's assume, knock wood, Hailey and Jon do reconcile and marry after the divorce**. Even if Hailey is on the verge of discovering the cures for cancer and world hunger, she'll forever be perceived BY THE KIDS as the "step monster" who spoke smack about their mother during the unhappiest time of their lives. Every "family event" from here on out will most likely be awkward and contentious for all three adults and so the kids too. Folks, that's called "homewrecking". Contrary to The Insider's professional life coach, Star Jones, homewrecking has little to do with extramarital sex before a couple legally separates.

Finally, we have Jon taking Rabbi Shmuley's good advice to "stop dating because the kids are going through a tough time." Jon, of course, interprets this to mean that he can resume dating Hailey again in 30 days as soon as the divorce is final (and so she should just wait because 30 days isn't that long). Hailey, of course, doesn't dump Jon because its healthy for the kids: she claims to dump Jon because that's the healthy thing to do for herself. Two more selfless people the world has never known.

Thank goodness for kids and their magical powers. It's well known that they're born with immunity to most diseases and viruses but lesser known is their complete subservience to the legal calendar. On whatever date the divorce is final, the difficult time they're currently enduring will be magically over and Jon can get back to humping Hailey and rubbing Kate's face in it. The legally divorced date cannot come soon enough for Jonnie. Hailey may not have to forgo her first Christmas stocking after all and it'll be a a Merry, Merry Christmas for everyone!

Thanks Rabbi Shmuley! Good work*.










* Note to GWOPPERS: This is sarcasm.

** Iwhyawli supports this outcome since these two slobs shouldn't be permitted to screw up any more lives. And let's face, they deserve each other.

8 comments:

Dee said...

Didn't Jon say he was sorry to Kate last week, was it the week before that, or was it last month? Maybe I'm mistaken and it's next week....

mkb77 said...

Hailey is just a blip on Jon's map. When he is done with her, he will throw her away..unless she does it to him first.

After all of her confessions on The Insider last week (I watched some of it, not all) it seems to me that we really are seeing another side to Jon that most people are in denial about: the man is mean. He is mean as hell. I think he spoke down to his wife in private, and she did it in front of the cameras because maybe that's the only time she felt safe doing so. He was also mean to those kids. He admitted not having patience sometimes and it sure did show.

The man is an ass and needs to just go away. He should move across country, join some kind of hippie cult and screw the bejesus outta every young thang he can get his hands on.

What a menace to society. And a pig.

Oh please said...

Jon Gosselin Tweets That He Misses Hailey Jon Gosselin Tweets That He Misses Hailey
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Posted on Nov 02, 2009 @ 02:40PM print it send it
WENNJon Gosselin has hit the Twitter airways to tell the world he's missing Hailey Glassman, who he recently split from.

Jon Gosselin "I Am Sorry For Doing The Things I Did"

On Monday Jon tweeted " Going home to see my kids,-excited, but i'll miss Hailey =-(. She has made me realize I need to be an honest person/father for my kids."

PHOTOS: Jon's Visit To The Synagogue

As RadarOnline.com reported Friday the couple have parted ways - for now.

Sunday Jon took to the stage in New York City to atone for his sins, asking wife Kate to forgive him and declaring that one day he and Hailey will reunite.

Hailey Glassman Tweets About Her Breakup From Jon

Explaining their split Jon said, "Hailey and I decided to calm things down until the divorce, just until the divorce. I don't want to ruin things with Hailey like I did with Kate. We just need to slow things down. I don't want another failure in my relationships. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made with Kate, with Hailey. I would just be repeating the pattern over again."

Quiltart said...

mkb77, I totally agree. I think that the Kate haters have turned Jon into their hero because he is NOT Kate. I have never understood why they think of him as a paragon of fatherhood. We watched his temper flare back at Kate and the kids many times. I'm sure what went on off camera was worse than anything we so on camera.


Kate was strong enough to take the reins in their marriage because it was obvious that Jon was not capable of doing so. Both of them are at fault in the breakup of their marriage.

Jon has been talking about apologizing to Kate for weeks. What is taking him so long? Sorry, Jon, but apologizing on national TV will never make up for the embarrassment you have caused for your children and their mother.

iwhyawli said...

I triple the notion that Jon is (has always been) a mean mo-fo with anger management issues. I also still suspect drugs as a potential root case for the Jekyl/Hide mood swings (that even his beloved girlfriend attests too).

Re Jon's tweeting addiction. For some reason, I am reminded of the Cheers episode where Diane kept saying good-bye to everyone over and over and over ("I'm leaving now!") without ever leaving. If you're not about the fame and attention, at what point do you give up the tweeting? Surely he can declare his love for Hailey via a more private email address, no?

Yahoo Emailer said...

They both don't know how to be without the world knowing their business. I say some serious therapy is in order for the both of them!

I don't know how anyone can defend Jon at this point. He's gone off the deep end!

LongTimeReader said...

I say it's all a publicity stunt for Famewhore Jon. He is an @$$, and I'm certainly not going to deny that, I just think he's trying to expand his 14:49 minutes of fame before that 15 strikes. Anything to keep he and Hailey in the tabloids and money in their pocket. Without the interviews and so forth, they would probably be broke.

While I don't think it will ever happen. I think those kids would be better off with Kate having full custody of them. Jon is a child still that needs to grow up and become a father, not lament on getting married too young and having kids too young. One day those kids are going to read everything he has said and realize that their father never wanted them. My heart just breaks for those precious kids.

Anonymous said...

Iwhyawli you make a great point. For those who think Hailey should just do what she needs to do remember she is doing so at the expense of the kids. I don't know how anyone can say their father is making decisions based on what is good for them.