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Deep Analysis of Jon Gosselin's ParentDish Manifesto: Question #9, 10 & 11

Hope you won't mind if I consolidate all the hard-hitting questions regarding Jon's holiday plans, or pathetic lack thereof. I was anxious to get to Jon's thoughtful revelations regarding Jewish people, which of course is the best part of this whole interview fiasco.

Question 9, 10 and 11 delivers the news that a) Kate's lawyers have pretty much screwed Jon out of all major holidays, b) Jon's is as lazy as he ever was and well on his way to now leaving everything for Hailey to do, and c) Jon will require some serious trial prep since he simply is incapable of limiting his answer to the question asked.

Whoops! How could I forget. Jon is now half Jewish and half Korean. Yuk, yuk, yuk.

PD: Let's try a happy topic. What are your plans for Halloween and Thanksgiving with the kids?

JG: Thanksgiving is tough. Kate has custody on Thanksgiving, but I will stop by to see my kids.
halloween I don't have custody. Hailey handles my schedule. It's kinda weird, but I can confide in her. She's my best friend. I lost a lot of friends; people burned me left and right.

PD: And Christmas?

JG: Christmas, yeah. This is the first year I will celebrate Chanukah. Hailey is Jewish. Everyone in my life is Jewish now, my attorney. I love it. I'm now half Jewish and half Korean. The family values are great. On Christmas, I'll see my kids during the day for a couple of hours.

PD: Then what?

JG: Hailey is so excited because we're going to go ornament shopping and I'll buy her a stocking. News Year's Eve I'll be in Vegas hosting Las Vegas Live with Eva Longoria.


Oh man, I feel like I have mountains to say on this one. Damn my job!


Anonymous said...

Jon uses way too many words to say he has no plans for Halloween, he hasn’t been invited to Thanksgiving dinner, and for Christmas Jon is more excited about celebrating Chanukah (now that he is half Jewish) than spending a couple hours with his eight Christian children.

I don't see any great family values here. Oh, maybe Jon is going to play The Dreidel with his kids.

AND The Hand that spins the dreidel comes from above...
Every empire thinks that it will last forever, but The Hand that spins only spins the dreidel of history for predetermined time and then, each Empire, despite its vainglorious boasting, falters on its axis...and finally crashes.

Lauren said...

I saw this quote somewhere and think it's appropriate here- "Haven't the Jews suffered enough?" Wow Jon- celebrating a minor Jewish holiday (Chanukkah) makes you a Jew now. Not

ladeedah said...

Please tell me you have read this, iwhy!!!

Oh my gosh I died laughing when I read this!!!

"They are the subject of gossipy talk-show talk—a frequent “Hot Topic” on The View—and the target of thousands of disapproving blogs (GosselinsWithoutPity being the most insane)."

Anonymous said...

I'm now half Jewish and half Korean. - Jon Gosselin


Haven't the Jews suffered enough?

jonseeks advice-child-rearing-synagogue said...

Anonymous said...

Dr. Phil’s Advice to Jon and Kate: Stay Together To Make Money!Dr. Phil’s Advice to Jon and Kate: Stay Together To Make Money!
Posted on Oct 19, 2009 @ 04:45PM print it send it
Splash NewsWhen Jon and Kate Gosselin turned to Dr. Phil for counseling about their troubled marriage the TV shrink, instead of offering ways to rebuild their bond, advised them to stay married “to keep their brand intact.”

That shocking charge comes from a new Vanity Fair article on Jon and Kate, an article that portrays both parents in less-than-flattering terms while discussing the public frenzy surrounding their divorce.

The article also confirms a exclusive, that the marriage was over more than six months before the couple announced it.

Vanity Fair says that a source close to Jon revealed Jon wanted to keep the marriage together and asked Kate to go to counseling but she would only agree to see Dr. Phil. They had a private session with him, and the Jon source told the magazine that the good doctor told them to stay together for the sake of their brand! Jon’s reaction? According to the magazine he said: “Are you crazy? I’m here to save my marriage and you’re talking about my brand?” was the first to report, in an exclusive video interview with Kevin Kreider, Kate’s brother, that the marriage was over long before it was announced publicly. We reported it before there was any public speculation about the marriage being in trouble and although it was denied at the time, it has proven to be correct. Now Vanity Fair has also confirmed that last October Kate told Jon she had outgrown him and no longer wanted to be married. The article also confirms’s exclusive that Jon was living in the apartment above the garage.

The article repeats Jon’s assertions that Kate has had an affair with her bodyguard and neither Jon nor Kate comes out unscathed in the glare of VF’s profile. Kate is quoted as telling two of her handlers to “shut up” when the talk jokingly turns to keeping the paparazzi safe from her, rather than vice versa. Her rise to stardom is described as including a tummy tuck, a trainer and a new hairdo that requires a 90 mile trip (each way) to coif.

Jon is described as wearing cubic-zirconia earrings, partying in Las Vegas and making ridiculous comments about hanging out with Sean Combs. His various romantic exploits are also recapped.

And if anyone has any doubt that this ordeal has weakened Kate, perhaps this one quote will erase that notion: “I don’t cry often,” she says, “and I don’t allow myself to cry often. Crying to me is a waste of energy and a waste of time.”

iwhyawli said...

Yep, I did read the VF article. Thanks for sending the link if that was you. Skimmed it tho and completely missed the "GWOP is insane" part. Burn!

Anonymous said...

The GWOP part was the best line in the whole article!

iwhyawli said...

okay, I've been wanting to harp on Jon's whole Jewish commentary forever but especially today and I just got too darn and stayed buzy.

First of all ... I don't know about you, but it sure sounds to me as though Jon is confessing some amazement than that Jewish people aren't turning out to be the complete assholes he otherwise assumed them to be. I mean seriously, who the heck says "Everyone in my life is now Jewish. My attorney. I love it." without automatically implying something else. Does he mean "if you told me one year ago that I'd be surrounded by Jewish people, I would had told you were nuts."
Why is it such a suprise that Jewish people might espouse strong family values? Is there any particular race, creed, ethnicity, gender, sexual preference that doesn't boast strong family values? Exactly how bad did you think this whole Jewish encounter was going to be, Jon? Let me guess. You're a complete bigot, aren't you?

iwhyawli said...

And then we have Hailey's excitement over her first Christmas stocking and her first ornament. Why? Because they're sparkly and shiny?

Who gets all goo-goo-ga-ga over anything that has zero meaning to them. Less than zero, in this case. Yeah, I realize the real meaning of Christmas (or any religious holiday) is lost on most kids, but you're 32 years old, Jon. Don't tell me you're still decorating a dead or fake tree in the middle of your living room just because everyone else is doing it or it's pretty to look at. If so, there is something wrong with you (and her) that extends far beyond base superficiality. Is there a more profound reason for anything you do (and don't do) or are you just sorta blowing in the wind?

iwhyawli said...

ugh. Just read the post by "anon@6:50pm." How in the world would Vanity Fair know what was discussed during any visit with Dr Phil? They're reporting Jon's version of those events as fact and claiming they have secret inside information. Journalist are pigs and when I forget it, they instantly remind me.

Where's that thread where Jon claims to have never said anything demeaning about Kate? Publically discussing the details of marriage counseling, truthful or otherwise, that you even went, didn't go, refused to go, spent $500,000 on it, is completely no class.

Anonymous said...

The Vanity Fair article is same, same, same. Nothing new...just same, same, same.

Anonymous said...

The VF article is very out-of-date, isn't it?

Except the gwop line. That's current. They are insane.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Anyone notice that gwop put up a new topic that said "New post by Aunt Julie" then when I looked today it was changed and the word aunt was dropped.

Jen sucks said...

I love the GWOP comment in the Vanity Fair article. Amber will you now acknowledge that GWOP is full of insane haters?

YE said...

Regarding the GWOP post declaring Julie "Aunt Julie" - if you follow gwop in google reader you can see it. If Iwhy wants a copy, let me know.

gwop is insane.

Anonymous said...

who's Amber?

ladeedah said...

this is a GWOPER's reaction to the VF artical:

"I take insane to mean an insane amount of blogs since she mentioned thousands of disapproving blogs. 99% of those gwop ladies are right on the money . The other 1% are the people who jump in to praise Kate. ;)"

I wish I was kidding... *disgusted sigh*