I'll start.
1. Turn the lights back on. That's my backflab, not my boobs.
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19 comments:
1. I'm so lonely because my husband is out drinking and ho'ing it up with IshatziedMyself.
2. BWAH!! It's 2 am and my husband is surfing for Kate's panty pics on the internet.
3. PENIS GOES WHERE???!!!
4. Oh, god, my dad's nose fell off my face and I cannot find it in the dark.
5. Why did my husband buy me a vibrator and told me to call it "Jon"? It is the first piece of hard plastic ever to go limp.
6. *sob* I wish I was a pretty as Kate.*sob*
7. Is that my dad's nose or are you just happy to see me, honey? Oh, sh@@, it is my dad's nose.
1.Here honey, I brought two bags in case the first one falls off.
2. No..the bed is NOT slanting, but I do think that a trailer block might have shifted.
3. Do you like the way the moonlight makes my yellow teeth glow?
Why does it smell like butt in here?
Woof, woof.
1. Why do I have to shut-down my laptop when we "do it"???
2. Honey, have you ever thought of parting your hair in the middle like Uncle Kevin???
3. I am so confused. I "know" I'm straight, but lately the only thing that turns me on is imagining Kate Gosselin and Serena Leigh Bell (not her real name) making out.
4. Not tonight, Lonny. I'm on chat with Moon.
5. Sorry, honey, you are going to have to sleep on the couch. Your side of the bed is covered with all the love letters I am mailing to Saint Jodi and that guy she's married to.
6. No more going pee-pee in mommy's bed fat cat. That's what your litter box is for.
7. Yes, I do consider listing all the ways I am a better mother than Kate Gosselin "foreplay" thank you very much.
they don't have a man in the bedroom, that is why they are so jealous and hateful of Kate Gosselin. If they have a dildo they lost it in their rolls, like that comic that has the fat lady in the moo moo looking for her tiny dog and it's stuck in the crack of her butt behind her, that is a GWOPper at her best!
"Coming up next on Jon and Kate plus Eight!"
Put the cat in the microwave? What?
"Okay, but only if you call me Kate.
Yes, say my name is Kate!"
Honey, let's get really crazy and have phone sex. You be CPS and I'll be PennMommy. Ready?
Damn it, honey, you have to lift it up and hold it to get to the good parts. Flab just doesn't support itself, you know?!
GWOPper: If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Either accept the fact that my name in bed is Katie Irene Kreider and yours is Steve Neild, or we will never do baby-making every again.
Spouse: (jumps out window)
I'm with Mad Cows. I think part of the whole "jealous of Kate thing" is that their own love lives are not fulfilled at home. That is if they even have someone to love or live in an actual home.
Oh Jooooon! Uh, I mean, Lonny...OH GOD JON!!!! Oops, sorry honey.
C'mon honey, the dr said my ovaries are overstimulated. We have to do it NOW whether you want to or not.
OH yeah, you know I love it when you call me Kate......
I wonder if this how Kate does it.
They don't have a man and that's why they get turned on by talking and talking about Kate's pink "thong". They also dream of being skinny enough for a thong.
The only thong the gwoppers can wear is the one created by their wedgies. shhrap shhrap goes the sound of their thighs rubbing together.
"Here spray some windex on it."
Why are there crumbs in your pubes?
Wife:
Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?
Husband: No, I hate myself now.
when one of them orgasms (I know, TMI, the mental picture is gross), but they scream BEN AND JERRY'S!!!!!! Here are some of the Mad Cow GWOPpers sited in their bikinis...
http://stupidcelebrities.net/wp-content/fat_girls.jpg
and a GWOPer in her finest whitie tighties
http://stupidcelebrities.net/wp-content/fat_chicks2.jpg
and the GWOP leader Serena...is that a DIET coke?
http://stupidcelebrities.net/wp-content/fatpeople.png
plus an article on how the Mad Cow GWOPper fatties are causing Global Warming...
http://stupidcelebrities.net/2009/04/21/scientists-say-fatties-to-blame-for-global-warming-photos/
...wonder if they ate Jon and is why he was MIA, their government cheese program had a shortage. The NANCY GRACE blogger on Just Jared last night was hilarious in reporting BREAKING NEWS ON THEM! Check it out at...
http://justjared.buzznet.com/2009/06/16/kate-gosselin-is-a-busy-banker/all-comments/#comments
"How about I buy you a jar of peanut butter and you can call the dog over instead."
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