I stand corrected re Bruno Tonioli

First of all, I guess Bruno's actual fake show-biz name is Bruno Tonioli and not Bruno Taglioni as written in this week's earlier posting. You see, iwhyalwi received an email from someone who was quite upset about me getting his actual fake show-biz name wrong so I hope this post does everything possible to rectify that egregious wrong. When I drafted last week's post, I didn't feel like looking up Bruno's fake show-biz name and I sorta wanted to convey my contempt for the pissant by writing his fake show-biz name as Bruno Ravioli or even Bruno Spaghettio. After pondering this weighty editorial decision for say 7.5 seconds, I decided the GWOPPERS would miss the subtley and use it to get all giddy about not knowing what Bruno's fake stage name actually is. Despite my best effort to get Bruno's fake stage name somewhat right, they got all giddy about the error anyway. Sigh.

Another GWOPPER (or more likely the same GWOPPER) also told me in a separate e-mail message that Bruno could not possibly be "the male, gay version of a GWOPPER". This is because it is Kate Gosselin who danced the worst jive in 11 seasons of DTWS and Michael Bolton's interpretation of the jive in no way shape or form sucked as much as Kate Gosselin did. Further, no one in the history of the universe has or will suck as badly on DWTS as Kate Gosselin did.

After re-thinking my original position for approximately 6 more nanoseconds, I find that I concur with the GWOPPER and wish to correct myself. Bruno Tonioli is not the male, gay version of a GWOPPER.

Rather, Bruno "I-was-a-complete-unknown-until-I-elected-to-become-the-Adolph Hitler of celebrity-ballroom-dancing-shows" Tonioli is just an all-around self-loathing, miserable cur who probably hates anyone who dares steals three steps in lieu of the statutory two. I say this and I couldn't name a Michael Bolton song if my life depended on it.


Conversely, GWOPPERS are self-loathing, miserable curs who only hate Kate Gosselin.

With respect to Tonioligate, I now only remain unsure of one thing: Who is crazier? Bruno Tonioli or the GWOPPERS.

Hmmm. Hard to say, really.

Does anyone know why Bruno Taglioni is such a miserable cur?

My faith in the humanity of man is at an all time low these days and so to keep it from hitting absolute rock bottom, I've deliberately not dropped in over there at GWOP lately. I'll instead blog a few blurbs about DWTS and Bruno Taglioni.

Bruno Taglioni is the male gay version of a GWOPPER -- self-loathing and miserable -- so I'm not at all off-topic.

I haven't yet watched the live episodes of DWTS this season, but I did happen to catch a replay of Michael Bolton's jive dance followed by Bruno's oh so gracious assessment. My reaction was a very droll "oh brother, will you please lighten the fuck up?".

And then I saw the replay of the DWTS Results Show where Tom Bergeron ribs Bruno for being a miserable, self-loathing jackass with zero self-awareness that he completely sucks all the fun out of the show.

Proving once again that he has no sense of humor, Bruno just shrugs and threatens "Hey, Fox awaits."

Promises Promises.

Dear Bruno:

I beg you. Go to Fox. Go anywhere. Just get the fuck off this show. I'm sick of watching the faces of little kids drop (specifically, my kids) while you sit there and belittle people for trying something new. DWTS is a TV Show, you moron. And it's supposed to be a feel good TV show. The last thing I want to see on my TV is a picklepuss, 70-pound gay man who wears a giant-sized pinkie ring yelling at anyone for anything, leave alone something as unimportant as a ballroom dance.

To your credit, Bruno, you've yet to slice into Bristol Palin although you are making it quite clear that you eventually do plan to get your digs in at her mother.