Whither the Princesses?

iwhyawli wept then someone found the new forum.

Open Discussion: 7/18 - 7/25

Please use this post for discussion about GWOP that doesn't have a better spot elsewhere. This is where all those I don't know where to post it comments go also. Thank you.

Just a Regular Guy

So Jon tells People Magazine that he knew his trip and new girlfriend would be scrutinized but he's just a regular guy who is trying to get through a difficult time in his life and move on.

Let me see if I understand this right.

Jon knew the trip would create a firestorm.

And he did it anyway.

Everyone from his mother to the skank girlfriend is now heads down, looking at the floor when they walk through a crowded room, but so be it. This is just what a regular guy must do for himself in difficult times.

I feel confident in stating that the United States Armed Forces would like to thank Jon for never enlisting.

Maybe once upon a time you were a regular guy, Jon. But that all changes when you marry and have children. You then become a regular guy (gal) who committed himself (herself) to the well-being and happiness of his (her) family. It's never about you --- especially just you --- ever again. Hard to believe, I know. But this is why people actually choose to get married. Selflessness and personal sacrifice are generally known to be noble and rewarding pursuits.

I personally think that the marriage commitment implies forever, but dude, the day you decided that you wanted "out" was not the same day your marital commitment ended.

If "standing up for yourself" means divorce, fine. Whatever. But you now owe your children and the mother of your children a civil and dignified exit.

I don't care if Kate would make you pick-up pencils wearing a pink thong and white go-go boots. You're now choosing to exit the relationship instead of fixing it. You owe your family the favour of exiting apologetically, humbly, kindly and gracefully.

You're flunking this task. And it irks me to no end.

Man up.

This Photo Really Needs a Caption of Some Sort

[Insert Caption as Comment]

Picture Source is http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/37147647.html:

Apologies to Pat-the-Movie-Creator

Pat submitted a movie to us that I've somehow overlooked (despite having just recently declared myself a computer expert). Its subject matter is certainly timely and it nicely captures (especially through sound effects) how we all seem to be feeling about Jon this week.

You better straighten up, Jon. Pat is getting honked off at you!

Please enjoy:

Go Jon! by Pat.

Pat, I hope you will please accept iwhyawli's apologies.

GWOP's Secret Message Board

When iwhyawli joined the Gosselin blogosphere last May, she didn't know jack-squat about: a) blogging or b) the Gosselins. It would also be very fair to say that iwhyawli didn't know a whole lot about computers either. But I knew how to copy and paste, which very well may be all anyone needs to know in life.

Two months later, I'm now a complete and total computer expert. I can hyperlink, I can insert pictures, I can download pictures, I can scrape out the background of one picture and overlay it on another picture, I created a movie .... I am a virtual blogging machine. I'm unstoppable.

So, I would now like to teach myself how to break into secret message boards. Specifically, the secret message board where Julie, Serena, PennMommy, et al hang out to talk amongst themselves. They call this hacking, I believe.

This new venture could take years, especially since I don't have the link to the secret message board. I had my dirty little hands on it once but I deleted it during one of those many tragic Comment Moderation mishaps.

Another way to really expedite the whole process would be for someone to loan me their ID and password to that secret message board. I'd promise not to tell a soul and to only to borrow it for a few hours.

Let's see. Who might be willing to loan me their ID and password to that secret message board? Is there anyone out there who suddenly found themselves used, mistreated, humiliated, abandoned by the GWOP moderators and who might now be looking for an easy way to re-join society as a force of good?

Hmmm.

I can think of several people.

And I think one of you may already be writing to me. :: happy dance ::

Your pal,

iwhyawli@gmail.com

Keep your bodyguards, Kate

For your reading pleasure, I've plucked one of the little ditties that I receive daily in my comment box. I chose this one because it's got a little of everything -- the all caps, air quotes, condescension, sanctimony, indignation, mob mentality, fabrication, threats , rhetorical questions, proclamations, moderate psychosis, etc.

But she likes GWOP Theatre so I got that going for me.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet your typical GWOPPER:

--------------------------------------
I realize that you really think you are funny. Wish I could laugh at ANYTHING on this site. The cutest was the sock puppets but other than that I haven't even had a mild chuckle.

I'd like to ask you, wonderful parent, Was it funny when you beat the hell out of your babies and the cops took them away?

Do you laugh when you think of them screaming in pain because you "spank" them for discipline?

The file is sealed (temporarily) but some of us are thinking one of your babies died by your hands. Child abusers protect other child abusers. Good luck with that.

Publish Reject
(TimesUp)
12:14 AM
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Any Signs of Hailey's Sex Video Yet?

C'mon you know there's one (if not several) out there.

Separated At Birth

...

Hailey's photo (the one on the right) and others like it can be found at http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/37147647.html

OMG! A Parenting Application ! [thud]

While we wait for the next round of pics where Hailey is face-down in her own vomit, I thought I'd share some exciting news.

We've received an application to our GWOPWOP Parenting Study, y'all! Take a look! I redacted the first and last name for fear this fool actually included a real name but I did not touch her blogging name, which I don't recognize.

My comments appear in purple along with some "Perfect Mommy" points. I welcome your assessment. I'll then render a final decision as to whether this mother is good enough.

General Information

1. First Name [redacted ] Last Name [redacted]
2. Location [California ]
3. Marital Status [M ]
4. Sex [F ]
5. Total Children in Household: [2 ] Boys [ 1] Girls
6. Any multiples? [ 0]
7. How many of the above children live with you because you launched a successful campaign to have them taken away from their biological parents?[ 0] Boys [ 0] Girls
   
   iwhyawli : The 'Perfect Mommy' is funny and this applicant's answers to the general questions couldn't be more boring or mundane. The closest thing to funny that I found is the "o" typed in response to Question 6. But I'm sure she meant "zero" instead of the letter "o."
   
   'Perfect Mommy Points' : 0 (zero)(zip)(zilch)(zippo)(goose egg)

Blogging Information

1. What is the URL to your primary blog [N/A ]
2. How many other blogs do you have? [N/A ]
3. What is your most often used blogging ID [rockypriscilla ]
4. How many other bloggings ID do you have?
   [X] 0 [ ] Less than 50 [ ] More than 200
   
   iwhyawli : This applicant doesn't have nearly enough blogging experience, in my opinion. I'm offended. Does this applicant not realize who her competition is ? Serena alone has 452 blogs. Julie has the 1 known blog plus her secret message board. Combined, they have 1,933,221 screen names.
   
   'Perfect Mommy Points' : 0 (zero). The bitch is lucky I didn't award negative points.

Employment Information

1. Length of Current Unemployment [I have a severe injury and will probably never work again. I have had multiple surgeries. I am about to have one more that will hopefully help to make the pain more tolerable. It is my last shot at being able to run and play with my kids like a normal mother. If I had the health that Kate has, there is no way that I wouldn't utilize it to spend quality time with my kids, just playing and making memories.]
   
   iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" makes the best of every situation. She doesn't feel sorry for herself and she certainly doesn't hold a grudge against other mothers who are more fortunate. We don't see that here. We see the root cause of the trademark jealousy that is so typical of every GWOPPER.
   
   Perfect Mommy Points' : +2 points. These are pity points for the injury, which was most likely self-inflicted.

Parenting Information
(Include pictures, if possible)

1. What is the color of your cell phone? [black and cheap]
   
iwhyawli : Geez, wake me when this over! 0 points


2. What color and type of unna-wears do you wear? [bikini]
   
iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" can read. -2 points for not including the color of your unna-wears.


3. What type of shoes do you wear while pumping gas? [converse or sandals (comfy mom shoes)]
   
iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" is not a butch lesbian. -2 points.


4. What is your favorite kitchen utensil to use as a sex toy?
   [don't need one, my husband can handle it!]
   
iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" isn't so selfish. -20 points.


5. What is your general philosophy on giving water to people who are thirsty? [I always offer water to the gardner and all workers that come into my house. As for my kids, they are always welcome and encouraged to drink plenty of water. If I was interviewing all day, I would ask the TV channel to take a small break so that my 8 children could quench their thirst, especially if I had time to quench mine in front of them.]
   
iwhyawli : Water for the workmen? Really? This applicant is a regular Mother Teresa! Not! The "Perfect Mommy" does her own gardening, plumbing and carpentry work. There is never a need to offer water to workmen. -100 points.


6. Who is El Salvador? [A country???]
   
iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" is confident. Especially when the questions questions are painfully simple. 0 points.


7. If your hair was a tree, what type of tree would it be? [Weeping willow (sad but true, I was "blessed" with very thin hair)]
   
   iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" has a super cute hairdo. I was certain all the GWoPper Hair Nazi's would know this. 0 points.

Writing Sample
Describe the shittiest thing you ever did to one of your siblings.

[I guess that my older brother would tell you that the shittiest thing that I have done is to protest with everything in me when he moved away. You see, he and his wife were filing for a divorce, and he got a new girlfriend (immediately after the breakup). He swiftly got her pregnant and moved from our town to a town about 5-6 hours away to start a new life with his new love and her family. He felt that I should be happy for him. Why did I protest? Well, I forgot to mention that he left the three children that he already had here with their mother. This is immediately after their parents are divorcing. Now dad is moving away. He sees them about 5 times a year and refuses to communicate with his ex (his new girlfriend is jealous of her) so instead he communicates through the kids. He hates that we still have a relationship with their mother, but it is because of her that we are able to see them. So yeah, I couldn't agree with him doing that, even if it made him "happy". So now he hasn't spoken to me in quite some time, but I still see my niece and nephews. The only other thing would be when I had to show my little brother tough love. He was hooked on meth and refused to stop. I had to keep my distance and it was this distance that caused him to get help and he is now clean and sober. I talk to him often and try my best to councel him if he needs it.]

iwhyawli : The "Perfect Mommy" knows when to mind her own business and how to be supportive. Epic fail here on both accounts. -100 points.

I would never, ever put my kids on camera on a regular basis. Kate and Jon should do one or two update specials a year, and let those kids have a normal life.

iwhyawli : The Perfect Mommy doesn't volunteer her .02 cents nor does she care whether or not you'd put your kids on camera. Last but not least, the Perfect Mommy would NEVER condemn anyone (let alone their kids) to whatever "normal" is. Perfect mommies don't judge, rockypriscilla. Tsk. Tsk.

[Go GWOP. Let me know where to send my mortgage info ;) ]

iwhyawli : No offense, but things aren't looking too good for you, babe. Your application earned -222 points. I didn't think that a negative point total was even possible. You GWoPpers are always so full of surprises.

Jon Gosselin's New Girlfriend, Hailey Glassman

Iwhyawli has nothing to say regarding Jon having a girlfriend, the timing of her "introduction" into the limelight, the trip, the fashion career, etc., etc. None of that is my business. None of it affects me.

Hailey Glassman, however, wouldn't have been my first choice. For him or for anyone.

I wouldn't walk across the street with Hailey Glassman let alone cart her off to France.

Sure, I might have encouraged her to dress differently, cuter, more fashionably for the big fashion meeting with whomever she was meeting (I never heard of him). I might have encouraged her to forgo the chipped, black nail polish for the big photo op, but like I said, that's none of my business. None of it affects me.

It's the drug bust that pisses me off. And I mean, it royally pisses me off.

If iwhyawli were ever lucky enough to meet Hailey Glassman, I'd asked to see that giant, hip purse of hers. I'd check to see if the handles were strong enough to hold a few bricks and then I'd swing the purse around a bit and bash her in the face.

Assuming she was still conscious, I'd then ask "who the fuck do you think you are?"

Yeah, I know its so totally uncool, unhip of me to be so anti-drugs, but last I checked, pot-smoking is illegal. iwhyawli can't stand people who think they're above the law. Especially when I'm paying for Hailey's "fun" in the form of car insurance premiums, heath insurance premiums, sales tax, state taxes and federal taxes.

I've mentioned this before but iwhayawli is fed up with other people's inability to control themselves at my expense.

So fuck you, Hailey Glassman. Grow the fuck up.

I'm also reading that Jon might enjoy the doob. If true, I hope the purse swings around and bashes him in the face too. While in France, Jon should celebrate that I'm not the judge handling his upcoming divorce and custody proceedings. The pot smoking would cost him the custody of his kids.

One more thing, Jon. Nice earrings and you've got arms like a fat girl.

Open Discussion: - 7/12 - 7/18

Please use this post for discussion about GWOP that doesn't have a better spot elsewhere. This is where all those I don't know where to post it comments go also. Thank you.

We don't have a Facebook Group here because we have lives.