I can't hardly wait

In another stunning move by the intellectual think tank known as Jon and Hailey, iwhyawli hears that Hailey is now planning to be interviewed by someone or something. I don't know by who or by what or when, but I'm relatively certain it's not Walter Cronkite on this week's episode of 60 minutes. I also use the term "planning" loosely as I'm confident a natural talent like Hailey has never given much forethought to anything. In fact, up until she read this blog entry, Hailey would have guessed that forethought and foreplay, which is something else she's never tried, meant the same thing.

It's hard to say whether the Hailey interview will be the world's shortest interview because she has nothing at all to say or the world's longest interview because she doesn't know when to shut up. In either case, we can bet it will be that delicious mix of abjectly painful, completely void of any substance and chock full of things to mock. I can't hardly wait.

Perhaps she'll explain her aversion to wearing a bra.

We can only hope that Hailey will shed new light on the horrible plight of unemployed party girls who are forced to live off Daddy's teat in the comfort of their "own" apartment in mid-town Manhattan. Poor Hailey. I need to cut her some slack. This recession probably has been especially rough-going for last year's batch of pot-smoking communications majors from IU with low GPAs who yet to even write a resume.

Surely we'll also hear (yet again) how the special bond between Jon and herself just happened. As in, unplanned. Ut-oh, there's that word again: unplanned. I'm detecting a theme here, Jon. Be careful. Hope you've been wearing a raincoat. This is not the time for any unplanned step-siblings or even an STD.

Oh yeah, how I could I forget. Hailey will make certain that we understand that their special bond accidentally happened AFTER the separation. No one is buying that but what's the harm in trying to float it again. After all, Jon's kids will google him someday, remember?

I'm somewhat hoping that all extramarital relationships are unplanned. Surely people don't deliberately set out to wreak havoc and heartache on eight small kids. Do they? Okay, Julie and Jodi are an exception. All the stuff they've done to the family was definitely deliberate. But this extramarital stuff never seems to take much more than some licquor (or in this case, some weed) and two people with no compass, no direction, no self-control and no self-respect.

Planning. It seems like it's really important.