Do Jodi and Julie have any regrets?

Sometimes when I have absolutely nothing at all to do--i.e, the kids are fed, the house is clean, the car has gas, my brows are plucked and I've applied all the finishing touches to the orchestral symphony that I'm composing in B flat-- I think about Jodi and her as-lovely sister, Julie. And I wonder if they've any regrets about their behavior, even the teeniest regret.

Methinks not. Because we haven't seen any sort of apology.

Not that they owe ME an apology, of course. No way. Quite the opposite. Being able to mock and make fun of them these past many months has provided me hundreds and thousands of hours of enjoyment. It's ME who owes THEM one giant thank-you.

I do think, however, that they owe Kate, Jon and their children an apology and perhaps an apology has been offered privately. But I doubt it. Psychopathic personalities like theirs are incapable of offering an apology. The best they can do in way of an apology or admission or guilt is to simply stop doing what they're doing .... for awhile... until they start hearing the voices again. If I were a betting woman, I'd bet Kate wasn't their first victim and won't be their last. Those two birdbrains have been avenging their fragile psyches for decades.

Because their behavior was public, their apology should be public, in my opinion. Whoosh, imagine the big money a public apology could bring! Maybe even enough to pay Gloria Allred's fees!

Hiring the farce known as Gloria Allred just may have been my most favorite ridiculous thing that those two bozo's did. It would have been my favorite most ridiculous thing even if days later Gloria hadn't elected to represent all of the hookers who were so egregiously wronged by [fill-in name of wealthy celebrity] . It's pretty tough to top the creation and sale of a tabloid video during which you whisper that your sister-in-law is a cheater. I dare say that hiring Gloria Allred may have been the only way to do that.

Sometimes when I have absolutely nothing at all to do, I also wonder if those three (ie., Jodi, Kevin and Julie) are capable of anything even more ridiculous than hiring Gloria Allred to represent the legitimacy of their motives. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. It may be mere seconds, weeks or years, but I am relatively confident that we have not heard the last of those three idiots.

Holy Crap! Kudos to the Imperfect Women

If we can believe today's story at radaronline, mucho kudos are due to the imperfect women (who really aren't that imperfect) at the Imperfect Women blog for recently drawing out Kate's mom in defense of Kate. I'm pretty certain it was that gals at Imperfect Women blog who also blew the lid off the whole pennmommy farce.

Get this everyone --- Kate's mom says Jodi, Kevin (her son) and Julie aren't very nice people.

Who knew? (snicker).


Of course, kudos also to Julie and Jodi for the smackdown Kate's mom just gave her son. It takes special, special people to intentionally drive a wedge between mother and son. Here's hoping little Benny's future wife doesn't do the same to you, Jodester. He's learned from the masters. But then, you can always hope he's every bit the idiot that you are and therefore, hasn't learned a thing.

Karma is a bish. Ha ha ha ha ha ha

I stand corrected re Bruno Tonioli

First of all, I guess Bruno's actual fake show-biz name is Bruno Tonioli and not Bruno Taglioni as written in this week's earlier posting. You see, iwhyalwi received an email from someone who was quite upset about me getting his actual fake show-biz name wrong so I hope this post does everything possible to rectify that egregious wrong. When I drafted last week's post, I didn't feel like looking up Bruno's fake show-biz name and I sorta wanted to convey my contempt for the pissant by writing his fake show-biz name as Bruno Ravioli or even Bruno Spaghettio. After pondering this weighty editorial decision for say 7.5 seconds, I decided the GWOPPERS would miss the subtley and use it to get all giddy about not knowing what Bruno's fake stage name actually is. Despite my best effort to get Bruno's fake stage name somewhat right, they got all giddy about the error anyway. Sigh.

Another GWOPPER (or more likely the same GWOPPER) also told me in a separate e-mail message that Bruno could not possibly be "the male, gay version of a GWOPPER". This is because it is Kate Gosselin who danced the worst jive in 11 seasons of DTWS and Michael Bolton's interpretation of the jive in no way shape or form sucked as much as Kate Gosselin did. Further, no one in the history of the universe has or will suck as badly on DWTS as Kate Gosselin did.

After re-thinking my original position for approximately 6 more nanoseconds, I find that I concur with the GWOPPER and wish to correct myself. Bruno Tonioli is not the male, gay version of a GWOPPER.

Rather, Bruno "I-was-a-complete-unknown-until-I-elected-to-become-the-Adolph Hitler of celebrity-ballroom-dancing-shows" Tonioli is just an all-around self-loathing, miserable cur who probably hates anyone who dares steals three steps in lieu of the statutory two. I say this and I couldn't name a Michael Bolton song if my life depended on it.


Conversely, GWOPPERS are self-loathing, miserable curs who only hate Kate Gosselin.

With respect to Tonioligate, I now only remain unsure of one thing: Who is crazier? Bruno Tonioli or the GWOPPERS.

Hmmm. Hard to say, really.

Does anyone know why Bruno Taglioni is such a miserable cur?

My faith in the humanity of man is at an all time low these days and so to keep it from hitting absolute rock bottom, I've deliberately not dropped in over there at GWOP lately. I'll instead blog a few blurbs about DWTS and Bruno Taglioni.

Bruno Taglioni is the male gay version of a GWOPPER -- self-loathing and miserable -- so I'm not at all off-topic.

I haven't yet watched the live episodes of DWTS this season, but I did happen to catch a replay of Michael Bolton's jive dance followed by Bruno's oh so gracious assessment. My reaction was a very droll "oh brother, will you please lighten the fuck up?".

And then I saw the replay of the DWTS Results Show where Tom Bergeron ribs Bruno for being a miserable, self-loathing jackass with zero self-awareness that he completely sucks all the fun out of the show.

Proving once again that he has no sense of humor, Bruno just shrugs and threatens "Hey, Fox awaits."

Promises Promises.

Dear Bruno:

I beg you. Go to Fox. Go anywhere. Just get the fuck off this show. I'm sick of watching the faces of little kids drop (specifically, my kids) while you sit there and belittle people for trying something new. DWTS is a TV Show, you moron. And it's supposed to be a feel good TV show. The last thing I want to see on my TV is a picklepuss, 70-pound gay man who wears a giant-sized pinkie ring yelling at anyone for anything, leave alone something as unimportant as a ballroom dance.

To your credit, Bruno, you've yet to slice into Bristol Palin although you are making it quite clear that you eventually do plan to get your digs in at her mother.

Guess What?

Here's what. Iwhyawli couldn't give two hoots if Kate Gosselin has had a boob job. Because, friends, I'm the original Lady Gaga\Bjork\Madonna\Cher\Bette Midler\all the female shock-value performers in between Bette Middler and Gypsie Rose Lee\Gypsie Rose Lee\Eve --- i.e., I am the most non-judgmental person on the planet.

Here's also what. If Kate Gosselin has had a boob job, I don't understand why it seems to be such a shock to the GWOPPERS. Afterall, she wears a half pound of acrylic on her fingertips and someone else's (real or manufactured) hair on her head.

One more what. I don't get why anyone who had a boob job would lie about having a boob job, especially if you wear a half-pound of acrylic on your fingertips and someone else's (real or manufactured) hair on your head. Not that I think Kate is lieing because um, I don't care enough, if at all. But, I also don't get why anyone would answer anything except "none of your business" when asked if they had a boob job. Perhaps most perplexing of all, I don't understand why anyone asks a person if someone had a boob job, or even wonders if someone had a boob job. GWOPPERS are wierd, man, just plain wierd.

Last but not least. I don't understand why Lindsay Lohan asked someone to shoot collagen into her lips. It looks friggin' horrible. Such a potentially pretty young girl whose drinking and substance abuse made her look like a 40-year-old before the lip job, now looks like a 50-year-old.

I've yet to see a good collegen lip job, have you?

The World rights itself

So Kate took the kids fishing and they all got seasick. The GWOPPERS rejoice. They'll be bitching about this until I'm 95 (i.e., a long, long time).

Remembering Jon: The Bald Head Episode

If your kids are like my kids, they watch the Gosselins Show and then promptly wonder aloud for the next 10,000 hours why they never get to go to [fill-in-the-blank]. Of course, it's because we don't love them as much as Kate loves her kids but we instead choose to make stuff up. This time we told them that our family dog is very, very sick and about to die and yes, it's very very important that she is surrounded by family, tidy bedrooms and no fighting. When that doesn't work, I then remind them that WE JUST SPENT THE ENTIRE FRIGGING SUMMER AT A BEACH JUST LIKE BALD HEAD DOWN TO THE FAKE PIRATE SHIP AND DILAPITATED LIGHT HOUSE.

I enjoyed the Bald Head episode, especially the turtle births. Not sure if that was a re-run or new episode. All the trips blur together after a while. In a few minutes, I'll head over to GWOP to find out all that I should be hopping mad about. There was something said about naps and so I'm sure that set the GWOPPERS on fire. Oh, that reminds me. During last week's NYC episode, I forgot to mention how I chuckled when I saw Kate putting bibs on the kids when giving their icecream cones. We haven't had a good gwopper-style bib tirade in months!

Now that school has started for the kids (Kate and mine), I wonder if TLC could find it in their hearts to show how much the Gosselin kids LOVE doing stuff ... like ... their homework, taking baths, brushing their teeth or shovelling the dog crap.

I almost can hear it now. "Mommy, how come we never get to shovel the dog crap?"