Does anyone know why Bruno Taglioni is such a miserable cur?

My faith in the humanity of man is at an all time low these days and so to keep it from hitting absolute rock bottom, I've deliberately not dropped in over there at GWOP lately. I'll instead blog a few blurbs about DWTS and Bruno Taglioni.

Bruno Taglioni is the male gay version of a GWOPPER -- self-loathing and miserable -- so I'm not at all off-topic.

I haven't yet watched the live episodes of DWTS this season, but I did happen to catch a replay of Michael Bolton's jive dance followed by Bruno's oh so gracious assessment. My reaction was a very droll "oh brother, will you please lighten the fuck up?".

And then I saw the replay of the DWTS Results Show where Tom Bergeron ribs Bruno for being a miserable, self-loathing jackass with zero self-awareness that he completely sucks all the fun out of the show.

Proving once again that he has no sense of humor, Bruno just shrugs and threatens "Hey, Fox awaits."

Promises Promises.

Dear Bruno:

I beg you. Go to Fox. Go anywhere. Just get the fuck off this show. I'm sick of watching the faces of little kids drop (specifically, my kids) while you sit there and belittle people for trying something new. DWTS is a TV Show, you moron. And it's supposed to be a feel good TV show. The last thing I want to see on my TV is a picklepuss, 70-pound gay man who wears a giant-sized pinkie ring yelling at anyone for anything, leave alone something as unimportant as a ballroom dance.

To your credit, Bruno, you've yet to slice into Bristol Palin although you are making it quite clear that you eventually do plan to get your digs in at her mother.

Guess What?

Here's what. Iwhyawli couldn't give two hoots if Kate Gosselin has had a boob job. Because, friends, I'm the original Lady Gaga\Bjork\Madonna\Cher\Bette Midler\all the female shock-value performers in between Bette Middler and Gypsie Rose Lee\Gypsie Rose Lee\Eve --- i.e., I am the most non-judgmental person on the planet.

Here's also what. If Kate Gosselin has had a boob job, I don't understand why it seems to be such a shock to the GWOPPERS. Afterall, she wears a half pound of acrylic on her fingertips and someone else's (real or manufactured) hair on her head.

One more what. I don't get why anyone who had a boob job would lie about having a boob job, especially if you wear a half-pound of acrylic on your fingertips and someone else's (real or manufactured) hair on your head. Not that I think Kate is lieing because um, I don't care enough, if at all. But, I also don't get why anyone would answer anything except "none of your business" when asked if they had a boob job. Perhaps most perplexing of all, I don't understand why anyone asks a person if someone had a boob job, or even wonders if someone had a boob job. GWOPPERS are wierd, man, just plain wierd.

Last but not least. I don't understand why Lindsay Lohan asked someone to shoot collagen into her lips. It looks friggin' horrible. Such a potentially pretty young girl whose drinking and substance abuse made her look like a 40-year-old before the lip job, now looks like a 50-year-old.

I've yet to see a good collegen lip job, have you?

The World rights itself

So Kate took the kids fishing and they all got seasick. The GWOPPERS rejoice. They'll be bitching about this until I'm 95 (i.e., a long, long time).

Remembering Jon: The Bald Head Episode

If your kids are like my kids, they watch the Gosselins Show and then promptly wonder aloud for the next 10,000 hours why they never get to go to [fill-in-the-blank]. Of course, it's because we don't love them as much as Kate loves her kids but we instead choose to make stuff up. This time we told them that our family dog is very, very sick and about to die and yes, it's very very important that she is surrounded by family, tidy bedrooms and no fighting. When that doesn't work, I then remind them that WE JUST SPENT THE ENTIRE FRIGGING SUMMER AT A BEACH JUST LIKE BALD HEAD DOWN TO THE FAKE PIRATE SHIP AND DILAPITATED LIGHT HOUSE.

I enjoyed the Bald Head episode, especially the turtle births. Not sure if that was a re-run or new episode. All the trips blur together after a while. In a few minutes, I'll head over to GWOP to find out all that I should be hopping mad about. There was something said about naps and so I'm sure that set the GWOPPERS on fire. Oh, that reminds me. During last week's NYC episode, I forgot to mention how I chuckled when I saw Kate putting bibs on the kids when giving their icecream cones. We haven't had a good gwopper-style bib tirade in months!

Now that school has started for the kids (Kate and mine), I wonder if TLC could find it in their hearts to show how much the Gosselin kids LOVE doing stuff ... like ... their homework, taking baths, brushing their teeth or shovelling the dog crap.

I almost can hear it now. "Mommy, how come we never get to shovel the dog crap?"

So um...

... which GWOPPER is currently holding hostages at Discovery Communications?

Gee, I can't for the life of me understand why Jon, Kate and the kids would need bodyguards*.
:: scratches head in confusion ::

Let's hope this situation ends quickly without injuries. I otherwise blame the GWOPPERS for spurring this guy on. Oh who am I kidding, I blame the GWOPPERS no matter what happens.

Kate is Trying Too Hard

Okay. I'm about to make a whole lot of GWOPPERS very happy. Here it goes.

I, iwhyawli, did not like last night's Season Premiere epsiode of Kate Plus Eight, which I am now re-watching so I can try to pinpoint what it was that bugged me so.

It wasn't the kids. All the kids are still super cute. They're definitely not the problem.

The problem is Kate. She's trying too hard.

Let's see if I can explain this better. There were definitely moments during the show where Kate is just being a mom and we are watching Kate just being a mom. Those parts are okay.

But then, there were other very obvious moments where Kate is putting on a show for the camera, and those were the moments that bugged me. Two examples: Running down the street with the icecream cones and (I can barely stand to type it out) the whole incredibly stoopid "Turtle Turds and Ostrich Boogie" schtick that went on endlessly. Oh that wacky Kate! What will she do next? Drive the Statue of Liberty ferry boat ? You betcha.

Did Kate just say she's not a very good "Boat Driver Ferry Person?" Oh, how cute. yuk yuk yuk

And now, I'm about to make a whole lot of GWOPPERS very unhappy.

The Kate that I so disliked on last night's episode ? Reminded me of the GWOPPERS and their eternal mommy quest to turn every waking moment an all-about-me, ootsey-cutesy Hallmark moment.

Kate's hand gesturing with the fake acrylic nails also bug me. I feel like I'm watching some sort of SNL Barbara Stresand parody from the late 80's. I also have no real need to see multiple side shots of saggy boob cleavage.

Okee dookee., iwhyawli is done complaining and I gotta run, y'all. "So let's turn around and say good-bye to the statue, everybody. She'll just get smaller and smaller now. Say Thank you, everyone, thank you for being the symbol of our freedom, Lady Liberty. "

Barf.

Emmy Awards 2010

Unlike Kate, I was not invited to be ON the 2010 Emmy Awards. Understandably so since (to my knowledge) I do not star in a TV show.

Despite my longstanding ardent support of Kate Gosselin in the glogosphere, I was also not invited to GO to the 2010 Emmy Awards as anyone's (cough) guest. Understandably so since Kate Gosselin has no idea who I am.

I also was not invited to an Emmy Awards watching party that is hosted annually by my next door neighbor. Understandably so since I've never yet accepted her kind invitation in five years running.

People, I did not even WATCH the 2010 Emmy Awards last night.

I did, however, once have a childhood friend named Emily, who we all called Emmy. And because Emmy's father was in advertising, she once got to be on a Keds commercial .

Why I am telling you this? Only to emphasize that my childhood friendship with Emmy puts me two hundred billion gazillion times closer to walking the red carpet at the Emmy Awards than Jodi or Julie will ever be.

Sucks to be you, Jodi, doesn't it????? HA HA HA HA HA