Remembering Jon: The Bald Head Episode

If your kids are like my kids, they watch the Gosselins Show and then promptly wonder aloud for the next 10,000 hours why they never get to go to [fill-in-the-blank]. Of course, it's because we don't love them as much as Kate loves her kids but we instead choose to make stuff up. This time we told them that our family dog is very, very sick and about to die and yes, it's very very important that she is surrounded by family, tidy bedrooms and no fighting. When that doesn't work, I then remind them that WE JUST SPENT THE ENTIRE FRIGGING SUMMER AT A BEACH JUST LIKE BALD HEAD DOWN TO THE FAKE PIRATE SHIP AND DILAPITATED LIGHT HOUSE.

I enjoyed the Bald Head episode, especially the turtle births. Not sure if that was a re-run or new episode. All the trips blur together after a while. In a few minutes, I'll head over to GWOP to find out all that I should be hopping mad about. There was something said about naps and so I'm sure that set the GWOPPERS on fire. Oh, that reminds me. During last week's NYC episode, I forgot to mention how I chuckled when I saw Kate putting bibs on the kids when giving their icecream cones. We haven't had a good gwopper-style bib tirade in months!

Now that school has started for the kids (Kate and mine), I wonder if TLC could find it in their hearts to show how much the Gosselin kids LOVE doing stuff ... like ... their homework, taking baths, brushing their teeth or shovelling the dog crap.

I almost can hear it now. "Mommy, how come we never get to shovel the dog crap?"

So um...

... which GWOPPER is currently holding hostages at Discovery Communications?

Gee, I can't for the life of me understand why Jon, Kate and the kids would need bodyguards*.
:: scratches head in confusion ::

Let's hope this situation ends quickly without injuries. I otherwise blame the GWOPPERS for spurring this guy on. Oh who am I kidding, I blame the GWOPPERS no matter what happens.

Kate is Trying Too Hard

Okay. I'm about to make a whole lot of GWOPPERS very happy. Here it goes.

I, iwhyawli, did not like last night's Season Premiere epsiode of Kate Plus Eight, which I am now re-watching so I can try to pinpoint what it was that bugged me so.

It wasn't the kids. All the kids are still super cute. They're definitely not the problem.

The problem is Kate. She's trying too hard.

Let's see if I can explain this better. There were definitely moments during the show where Kate is just being a mom and we are watching Kate just being a mom. Those parts are okay.

But then, there were other very obvious moments where Kate is putting on a show for the camera, and those were the moments that bugged me. Two examples: Running down the street with the icecream cones and (I can barely stand to type it out) the whole incredibly stoopid "Turtle Turds and Ostrich Boogie" schtick that went on endlessly. Oh that wacky Kate! What will she do next? Drive the Statue of Liberty ferry boat ? You betcha.

Did Kate just say she's not a very good "Boat Driver Ferry Person?" Oh, how cute. yuk yuk yuk

And now, I'm about to make a whole lot of GWOPPERS very unhappy.

The Kate that I so disliked on last night's episode ? Reminded me of the GWOPPERS and their eternal mommy quest to turn every waking moment an all-about-me, ootsey-cutesy Hallmark moment.

Kate's hand gesturing with the fake acrylic nails also bug me. I feel like I'm watching some sort of SNL Barbara Stresand parody from the late 80's. I also have no real need to see multiple side shots of saggy boob cleavage.

Okee dookee., iwhyawli is done complaining and I gotta run, y'all. "So let's turn around and say good-bye to the statue, everybody. She'll just get smaller and smaller now. Say Thank you, everyone, thank you for being the symbol of our freedom, Lady Liberty. "

Barf.

Emmy Awards 2010

Unlike Kate, I was not invited to be ON the 2010 Emmy Awards. Understandably so since (to my knowledge) I do not star in a TV show.

Despite my longstanding ardent support of Kate Gosselin in the glogosphere, I was also not invited to GO to the 2010 Emmy Awards as anyone's (cough) guest. Understandably so since Kate Gosselin has no idea who I am.

I also was not invited to an Emmy Awards watching party that is hosted annually by my next door neighbor. Understandably so since I've never yet accepted her kind invitation in five years running.

People, I did not even WATCH the 2010 Emmy Awards last night.

I did, however, once have a childhood friend named Emily, who we all called Emmy. And because Emmy's father was in advertising, she once got to be on a Keds commercial .

Why I am telling you this? Only to emphasize that my childhood friendship with Emmy puts me two hundred billion gazillion times closer to walking the red carpet at the Emmy Awards than Jodi or Julie will ever be.

Sucks to be you, Jodi, doesn't it????? HA HA HA HA HA

Another Bummer for Aunt Jodi

Well, what a pisser, it looks like Aunt Jodi will miss the cut at DWTS YET AGAIN. How in the world does this keep happening? Say, I know, maybe it's time for Jodes to rejoin the cast at The Today Show and call someone else out as a dirty whore. I've never known another with such good diction whilst whispering. That skill alone should win Jodi a spot on DWTS plus a night with Brad Pitt.

And for those of you who, like me, thought Queen Bruno and Carrie Lighthead were complete pricks to Kate throughout DWTS, I bet you can't wait to see how badly they'll make Bristol Palin feel about herself because they don't like her mother and her mother's politics. Yeah, they won't be able to help themselves.

Sorry, I'm not sure I can watch DWTS this season. The instant I hear the name David Hasselhoff, I flashback to his daughter's video where he's half-sitting/half-laying on the floor trying to eat a hamburger whilst completely shit-faced. Google it. It's creepy.

Chickens

So I finally saw the chicken coop episode the other day and all I have to say is this: If Kate Gosselin can get those kids to clean out the chicken poop thing on any sort of regular basis, I will absolutely need to know the secret to her success. We don't have chickens but we do (or did) have cats, dogs, a turtle (RIP), goldfish (RIP) and a hamster (RIP). No birds allowed in this house.

Kate is no longer relevant?

Well it didn't take me long to find something inane over 'dere in GWOPland. It's right there on the main page posted by Mrs Bozo herself.

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When people other than us start blogging that Kate is not longer relevant is it time to think about getting out the marshmallows and toasting forks?

Is Kate's career over?

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Okay, I'll graciously overlook the glaring typo in between the words "is" and "longer" in Sharla's post, but since when have the GWOPPERS been blogging that Kate "is not longer relevant".

'Cause um, THEY STILL WRITE ABOUT HER EVERY DAMN DAY! TWICE A DAY! THREE TIMES A DAY! 24x7!

Thanks to all Jon wannabes like Tiger Woods, Jesse James and Mel Gibson, the woman hasn't been in the news or on TV for months but somehow the GWOPPERS still manage to dig up stuff like copies of all three fence estimates !

Mind you, I have no idea what Sharla even means by Kate "is no longer relevant" but then, I never really understand anything Sharla is babbling about. Relevant to what or who exactly? Kate's kids? Jodi and Julie? The mighty icon of quality journalism that is Radaronline ? Beats me what Sharla means by "is no longer relevant". But nonetheless, I do know the answer to Sharla's question.

YES, OF COURSE, KATE IS STILL RELEVANT!

If Kate weren't still relevant, it would mean that .... wait for it ... get ready.... take a deep breath....

... it would mean that SHARLA WASN'T RELEVANT! GASP! Because honies, that's all y'all do all day over there at GWOP. Bitch and moan about Kate!

So yeah, I realize 'relevance" is a big concept for you, Shar, but um here's how relevance works. If the object of your contempt is no longer relevant, then your contempt is no longer relevant. And so when you continue to blather on and on and on about things that are no longer relevant or dare we even say, TRUE, well, hon, people conclude that you are a total nutcase.

Shar, you're a nutcase.