I didn't think Mark Heller (or, for that matter, Jon Gosselin) could possibly portray himself to be more neanderthal than what we've already seen and heard, but I was wrong.
If I may quote Mark Heller in reference to this past weekend's alleged burglary: "Jon feels like he was raped."
...
...
Jon, allow me to offer you some comfort and key reasons as to why you shouldn't feel "raped":
1. You were not sexually assaulted.
...
....
You'll most likely find yourself in prison some day (soon, hopefully).
Be careful what you wish for, sweetie.
Recording November's Poll Results for Posterity
What a shame that Hailey's considerable talents as a girl-girl boxing referee in seedy airport hotels didn't come to light before gwopwop's November's poll. So sad, too bad. I am otherwise forced to record herein for posterity the overwhelming sentiment that Hailey's best offering to prospective employers is her willingness to sleep with fat guys. Ha.
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As a new semi-single woman, which of Hailey Glassman's skills offer the most value to prospective employers in the event she "decides to get a job."
Home Wrecking 20 (18%)
Media Whoring 34 (31%)
Fake Crying 27 (24%)
Hurling lame
homophobic insults
at tabloid bloggers 21 (19%)
Willingness
to sleep with
fat guys 74 (67%)
Sitting on ass
all day doing
nothing 36 (33%)
---------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------
As a new semi-single woman, which of Hailey Glassman's skills offer the most value to prospective employers in the event she "decides to get a job."
Home Wrecking 20 (18%)
Media Whoring 34 (31%)
Fake Crying 27 (24%)
Hurling lame
homophobic insults
at tabloid bloggers 21 (19%)
Willingness
to sleep with
fat guys 74 (67%)
Sitting on ass
all day doing
nothing 36 (33%)
---------------------------------------------
Bizarro GWOP Analogies
Yeah, nobody can turn a phrase like the GWOPPERS*. I'm gonna use this thread for all the oddball analogies I find at GWOP that just don't seem to pack the punch they hoped for.
Here's a prime example from Shoshanna:
-----------------------------------------------------
Kate, dancing?
Like watching the Tin Man in a blond wig.
-----------------------------------------------------
Keep in mind we're now on Week 4 almost Week 5 past the last aired episode and the GWOPPERS are still gwopping.
*Note to GWOPPERS: This is another example of sarcasm.
Here's a prime example from Shoshanna:
-----------------------------------------------------
Kate, dancing?
Like watching the Tin Man in a blond wig.
-----------------------------------------------------
Keep in mind we're now on Week 4 almost Week 5 past the last aired episode and the GWOPPERS are still gwopping.
*Note to GWOPPERS: This is another example of sarcasm.
Going With What Ya Know
Here's Hailey in her comfort zone, y'all. The personification of grace and elegance.
Image source: radaronline.com
FOUND: HELL ON EARTH
------------------------------------------------
From radaronline:
"Glassman is due to take part as a referee in the celebrity boxing event on Friday, December 18, at the Philadelphia Airport Ramada where the infamous John Wayne Bobitt will take on local fighter Tony Fusco in the main event."
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From radaronline:
"Glassman is due to take part as a referee in the celebrity boxing event on Friday, December 18, at the Philadelphia Airport Ramada where the infamous John Wayne Bobitt will take on local fighter Tony Fusco in the main event."
-----------------------------------------------
Sunday Funnies
This comment from an anonymous poster in the Quintessential GWOP post was just too funny to be hiding in the Quintessential GWOP thread. I chuckled and I chuckled.
Reasons You MIGHT WANT TO Be a GWOPPER poster
(moderator induced guilt not included)
Reasons You MIGHT WANT TO Be a GWOPPER poster
(moderator induced guilt not included)
- Your plasma has post-it notes after watching Jon & Kate plus 8
- Your husband finds blogger notes hightlighted in yellow
- You have CPS on speed dial
- You were voted least likely to suceed at the PTA
- The last time you read to your kids was the National Inquirer cover in the check out lane
- Your kids know not to disturb mommy when she is sitting at the computer
- You want to tell Kate to kiss your ass but the moderators won't post it
- You have spent more on your cable bill than on your kids education
- In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Sharla do?”
- Snarkin' on Kate is your primary occupation
- Hating on hats, heels, and hair means you have nothing of importance to say
- 'I read in a tabloid' means its worth repeating
- Disappointed the show didn't have a narrative like little house on the praire
- Kate's 'downfall' is not going as you planned
- Jon is the sensitive one for having broke down to a selfish victim
- Jon is just doing whatever it takes to derail the show and ruin Kate's life/save the children
- Jon let you down, but it's time to let go. If Laura Linger can stop loving him you can to.
- concerned about oversized families who make money in questionable ways, despite the Kennedys
- sending "words of support and encouragement" to a P.O. Box in St. Louis
- Kate can't be good because you don't like her, so that means Jon is still good no matter what he does
- GWOP's resident therapist agrees that Kate dresses like a hooker
- GWOPers always "put" so many "quotation marks" in all "the" wrong places?
- I want to cradle the Gosselin kids in my arms like we did our puppy last night as the sun , but I can't.
- I'm a fucking savior, ya'll. Please shower me with compliments about my tremendous self-sacrifice
- You want to 1 up Kate skills of answering her own questions
- MAGGIE said...I personally believe this is going to be the final season for the show.....our intelligence is being insulted
- Aunt Bozo Hair and Uncle White Trash apparently paid off their mortgage recently
- Dear God, If you can make a GWOP class action lawsuit against Kate/TLC happen, I promise to never ask you for anything ever again.
- find a hate blog and announce your reasons and your turmoil
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