GWoP without Pity

So ... um, did ya miss me?

2010-12-16T12:51:00.000-08:00

ok, Probably not.

Iwhyawli's been away for a long, long time. Almost forgot my password again. I've recieved a few emails (presumably from GWOPPERS) asking me to weigh in on expelgate, but I realized yeah, I have nothing to weigh in on.

Wait. Okay. I will weigh in.

Hey GWOPPERS, I offer you two options:

Option A: send me copies of your kids' report cards and I'll weigh in on those

OR

Option B: mind your own business.

I don't know much about expelgate except the GWOPPERS seem to think Kate is lieing about it. There's an opposing story from one of those anonymous insiders who not only knows the TRUTH but also (and not coincidentally) apparently breeds a whole lot of hatred. If I'm not mistaken, one of the little hate puppies might even be named Lil Cousin Benny.

Now y'all know that I don't have a single second of experience in school adminstration, but I am exceptionally talented in the common sense area. And I feel pretty confident that no private school is going to "expel" two kids when the parents might also opt to yank the other 6 tuitions. People willing to pay private tuition for even 1 kid is just too hard to come by these days.

So that's all I have to say about that. I'm feeling much more inclined to weigh in on the creepy WikiLeaks guy, who surely must be a GWOPPER given his love for sharing the TRUTH. I just finished reading his internet dating advertisement from 2006. BWAHAAHAAHAAHAAA !!! Too funny. If that ad didn't exactly personify the losers/serialkillers who have to find their "girlfriends" on the internet, I don't what does. When he wrote "Don't write me if your timid. Only write me if your brave." I feel certain he meant "Only write me if you're strong enough to defend yourself should I suddenly wig out and decide to cut your body up into small parts and stuff them into my mother's prized collection of felted purses."

I'm sure you'll tell me I'm wrong but I thank g_d everyday that I grew up, dated and married before this whole Internet dating thing caught on. It just seems so much easier (and safer) to leave your house every once and a while and meet people face-to-face.

Does Jennifer Grey Have a Bad Neck?

2010-11-22T18:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure. She's only mentioned it 945,000 times since the last commercial break.
I'd be voting for Bristol Palin right now but abc.com is having some sort of login difficulty right Quelle surprise.

Other random thoughts:

1. Far be it from me to judge any person or any lifestyle, so I won't. But for a group of sister wives who insist their lifestyle choices make them happy and better people, they sure spend a whole lot of time crying, whining, being angry, feeling lonely, feeling confused, feeling jealous, feeling sorry for themselves, second-guessing themselves, feeling gypped, sizing themselves up, fending for their due, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. Ay-yi-yi.

Now me, I don't have any sister wives. But I also don't feel any of what they're feeling on a routine basis.

2. Skating with the Stars? Ugh. Is anyone in Hollywood familiar with the phrase "beating a dead horse?" Excuse me whilst I rush over to my copyright attorney with a few fresh ideas:

Roller skating with the Stars
Synchronized Swmming with the Stars
Tumbling Runs with the Stars
Cheerleading with the Stars
Shriner Cars with the Stars
Wii Fitness with the Stars

This show is so painful I can't believe they won't yank it off the air in three weeks.

Advice for Brandy

2010-11-17T17:55:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know I know. This isn't the 'DWTS without Pity' blog but I can't but help chuckle at all the worldwide outrage over poor Brandy's elimination last night.

That damn show (which I officially hate) plays people (including me) like a violin.

Don't get me wrong. I couldn''t care less that Brandy was booted from the show. I couldn't care less if Bristol Palin wins (or loses).

As soon as I heard that Bristol Palin would be on the show, I absolutely knew without question that DWTS would find a way to embroil her in some sort of nasty controversy (because they don't like her mother's politics). Afterall, Bristol is not a celebrity or public figure, or even trying to be a public figure. Not that most of the so-called stars (cough) are famous, but Bristol isn't even a reality TV person. Hell, GWOP's much beloved Jodi Krieder has been on more TV shows than Bristol Palin. Why sign Bristol before Jodi? DWTS wanted to stir the shit, that's why. The GWOPPERS are also outraged, aren't they?

Silly me. I just thought the show's attempt to slice and dice Bristol (or her mother) would surface far earlier in the season, far more overtly and obviously --- something akin to a completely disgusted Bruno giving her 2's every week and taking potshots at her mother whilst choking on his own vomit.

But to the show's credit, they were far more clever. See, they instead chose to create the appearance of cheating. Extra kudos to them for injecting race into the controversy by pitting Bristol against an African American woman.

I don't believe for a second that there was any cheating on anyone's part -- by DWTS, the Palin family , the Wasilla Middle School, the Tea Party or even Communist China. You heard me. I don't doubt for a second that Bristol got more votes than Brandy. I'll also bet money that Bristol got more votes than Kyle whathisname. I might even wager a wee bet that Bristol got more votes than Jennifer "Please Feel very Sorry for Me because my boyfriend and I one took two peoople out whilst goofing around in Ireland" Grey. Bristol been at the bottom of the judge's score board week after week. Let there be no doubt that (for whatever reason) Bristol Palin has been pulling the votes in -- lots of them. Don't look at me. I haven't voted since the Kate Gosselin season.

And how does iwhyawli know this is all a very carefully crafted controversy? Because if you rewatch the episode in the moments just before Brandy is eliminated, you'll hear that sap Brook whatshername say casually but not so casually: "while not necessarily in the bottom two, one of these two stars will be going home tonight."

"WHILE NOT NECESSARILY IN THE BOTTOM TWO?"

WTF?

If the two remaining heads on the chopping block weren't *necessarily* in the bottom two, why then choose to pit Bristol Palin against Brandy? Why not pit Brandy (who we now know did have the fewest votes) against Jennifer Grey or against Kyle whatshisface?

Hey I got an idea? Why not pit the two "stars" who actually ARE in the bottom two against each other? [horshack]Oh oh Mr. Kotter, I know why not![horshack]. Because the show wanted to stir the shit ... all at the expense of some poor girl who happens to have a mother that the liberal left (and most in Hollywood) doesn't like.

The only thing about this farce that I don't get yet is why Brook whatsherface would even announce "while not necessarily in the bottom two" in the first place. Why not just leave that whole part out and let us believe that both Bristol and Brandy were in the final two (even if they weren't)? Perhaps the show is somehow legally required to announce it when the bottom two aren't actually in the bottom two. But anyway, the very second I heard "while not necessarily in the bottom two" I knew Brandy was going home. Meanwhile, the rest of the country more conveniently concludes that voting is fixed and the dopes in Wisconsin are shooting guns at their TV screens.

And then there's poor Brandy. Another victim. 'I am numb' she says. She cannot understand any of it.

Fortunately, it's my nature to be helpful to the clueless. I offer Brandy the following advice.

Your ability to master a new skill (ie., dance, sing/tell jokes, bake cakes) has little to do with your success on shows that rely on viewers/fans voting for you.
.
Make sure your last hit song (cough) was some time after 1998, unless you're one of the two surviving Beatles.
.
Get yourself a last name. I tried to google 'Brandy' last night so that I could figure out who you were and um, yeah.... according to google, you've not yet reached the iconic status of a 'Cher', 'Prince' or 'Sting'.
.
Insist on a partner who isn't Max Chmerloskywitz. If it isn't obvious by now, Max could be partnered with Cyd Charisse and still lose. He's a poor sport with a self-absorbed pukey personality who thinks he's hot but actually looks like a pastier version of the Pillsbury doughboy when standing next to someone like Chad Ochocinco. Max's only redeeming quality is that he loathes Carrie Ann "You truly moved me" Innaba.

Hope that helps, Brandy. Good luck to you. I think you're a fine dancer and a very pretty girl. Perhaps someday I'll get to hear you sing.

Who the Heck is Eric Roberts?

2010-11-08T17:01:00.000-08:00

Never heard of him.

Be right back. I'm going to google him.

...

...

...

Oh. I get it. He is a former soap opera star/drug addict/wife abuser. And one of those Celebrity (cough) Rehab substance abuse opportunists to boot. So yeah, I totally understand why I'd be 100% interested in everything he has to say, including the judgments he passes on others who he perceives to be less perfect than him. Teach me, Eric. Teach me. After the tragic passing of Brittany Murphy's husband, Simon whatshisname, I've been lost at sea.

So yeah, Eric Roberts is officially my new mentor, and I am nothing if not a good student. I bet it wouldn't bother Eric in the least if I were to volunteer on these here internets that his sister, Julia, is a complete dimwit -- [cough]Lyle Lovett fiasco [cough] --- and worse, a hack actress as recently re-confirmed in the yawnfest titled "Eat, Pray, Love." For a long while there, I stopped going to movies because I simply could NOT understand why, in a country of 6+ gazillion women, all the leading lady roles were being given to Julia Roberts.

Nothing personal, Julia, but you can't act. You look, you talk, you laugh, you mope, you walk, you weep, you smile EXACTLY THE SAME WAY IN EVERY MOVIE THAT YOU'VE EVER BEEN IN. So please, go find Dustin Hoffman, Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, Amy Adams or even Cher for crapsake, introduce yourself and beg for an acting lesson.

It's probably not fair to crap all over Julia Roberts like this. I'd really rather crap all over Eric Roberts but other than drug addict/domestic violence kudos, there's not much there to comment on.

My feelings for Eric Roberts are perhaps best expressed in song.

"Dancing through Life"
Wicked

[taps mike ]

Mi-mi-mi.
Testing. 1-2. Testing.

[spritzes throat]

Dancing through life
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life's more painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard?
When it's so soothing

Dancing through life
No need to tough it
When you can sluff it off as I do
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It's just life
So keep dancing through

Dancing through life
Swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraught-less
When you're thoughtless
Those who don't try
Never look foolish
Dancing through life
Mindless and careless
Make sure you're where less
Trouble is rife
Woes are fleeting
Blows are glancing
When you're dancing
Through life

Do Jodi and Julie have any regrets?

2010-10-30T06:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I have absolutely nothing at all to do--i.e, the kids are fed, the house is clean, the car has gas, my brows are plucked and I've applied all the finishing touches to the orchestral symphony that I'm composing in B flat-- I think about Jodi and her as-lovely sister, Julie. And I wonder if they've any regrets about their behavior, even the teeniest regret.

Methinks not. Because we haven't seen any sort of apology.

Not that they owe ME an apology, of course. No way. Quite the opposite. Being able to mock and make fun of them these past many months has provided me hundreds and thousands of hours of enjoyment. It's ME who owes THEM one giant thank-you.

I do think, however, that they owe Kate, Jon and their children an apology and perhaps an apology has been offered privately. But I doubt it. Psychopathic personalities like theirs are incapable of offering an apology. The best they can do in way of an apology or admission or guilt is to simply stop doing what they're doing .... for awhile... until they start hearing the voices again. If I were a betting woman, I'd bet Kate wasn't their first victim and won't be their last. Those two birdbrains have been avenging their fragile psyches for decades.

Because their behavior was public, their apology should be public, in my opinion. Whoosh, imagine the big money a public apology could bring! Maybe even enough to pay Gloria Allred's fees!

Hiring the farce known as Gloria Allred just may have been my most favorite ridiculous thing that those two bozo's did. It would have been my favorite most ridiculous thing even if days later Gloria hadn't elected to represent all of the hookers who were so egregiously wronged by [fill-in name of wealthy celebrity] . It's pretty tough to top the creation and sale of a tabloid video during which you whisper that your sister-in-law is a cheater. I dare say that hiring Gloria Allred may have been the only way to do that.

Sometimes when I have absolutely nothing at all to do, I also wonder if those three (ie., Jodi, Kevin and Julie) are capable of anything even more ridiculous than hiring Gloria Allred to represent the legitimacy of their motives. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. It may be mere seconds, weeks or years, but I am relatively confident that we have not heard the last of those three idiots.

Holy Crap! Kudos to the Imperfect Women

2010-10-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

If we can believe today's story at radaronline, mucho kudos are due to the imperfect women (who really aren't that imperfect) at the Imperfect Women blog for recently drawing out Kate's mom in defense of Kate. I'm pretty certain it was that gals at Imperfect Women blog who also blew the lid off the whole pennmommy farce.

Get this everyone --- Kate's mom says Jodi, Kevin (her son) and Julie aren't very nice people.

Who knew? (snicker).

Of course, kudos also to Julie and Jodi for the smackdown Kate's mom just gave her son. It takes special, special people to intentionally drive a wedge between mother and son. Here's hoping little Benny's future wife doesn't do the same to you, Jodester. He's learned from the masters. But then, you can always hope he's every bit the idiot that you are and therefore, hasn't learned a thing.

Karma is a bish. Ha ha ha ha ha ha

I stand corrected re Bruno Tonioli

2010-10-02T10:43:00.000-07:00

First of all, I guess Bruno's actual fake show-biz name is Bruno Tonioli and not Bruno Taglioni as written in this week's earlier posting. You see, iwhyalwi received an email from someone who was quite upset about me getting his actual fake show-biz name wrong so I hope this post does everything possible to rectify that egregious wrong. When I drafted last week's post, I didn't feel like looking up Bruno's fake show-biz name and I sorta wanted to convey my contempt for the pissant by writing his fake show-biz name as Bruno Ravioli or even Bruno Spaghettio. After pondering this weighty editorial decision for say 7.5 seconds, I decided the GWOPPERS would miss the subtley and use it to get all giddy about not knowing what Bruno's fake stage name actually is. Despite my best effort to get Bruno's fake stage name somewhat right, they got all giddy about the error anyway. Sigh.

Another GWOPPER (or more likely the same GWOPPER) also told me in a separate e-mail message that Bruno could not possibly be "the male, gay version of a GWOPPER". This is because it is Kate Gosselin who danced the worst jive in 11 seasons of DTWS and Michael Bolton's interpretation of the jive in no way shape or form sucked as much as Kate Gosselin did. Further, no one in the history of the universe has or will suck as badly on DWTS as Kate Gosselin did.

After re-thinking my original position for approximately 6 more nanoseconds, I find that I concur with the GWOPPER and wish to correct myself. Bruno Tonioli is not the male, gay version of a GWOPPER.

Rather, Bruno "I-was-a-complete-unknown-until-I-elected-to-become-the-Adolph Hitler of celebrity-ballroom-dancing-shows" Tonioli is just an all-around self-loathing, miserable cur who probably hates anyone who dares steals three steps in lieu of the statutory two. I say this and I couldn't name a Michael Bolton song if my life depended on it.

Conversely, GWOPPERS are self-loathing, miserable curs who only hate Kate Gosselin.

With respect to Tonioligate, I now only remain unsure of one thing: Who is crazier? Bruno Tonioli or the GWOPPERS.

Hmmm. Hard to say, really.

Does anyone know why Bruno Taglioni is such a miserable cur?

2010-09-30T19:35:00.000-07:00

My faith in the humanity of man is at an all time low these days and so to keep it from hitting absolute rock bottom, I've deliberately not dropped in over there at GWOP lately. I'll instead blog a few blurbs about DWTS and Bruno Taglioni.

Bruno Taglioni is the male gay version of a GWOPPER -- self-loathing and miserable -- so I'm not at all off-topic.

I haven't yet watched the live episodes of DWTS this season, but I did happen to catch a replay of Michael Bolton's jive dance followed by Bruno's oh so gracious assessment. My reaction was a very droll "oh brother, will you please lighten the fuck up?".

And then I saw the replay of the DWTS Results Show where Tom Bergeron ribs Bruno for being a miserable, self-loathing jackass with zero self-awareness that he completely sucks all the fun out of the show.

Proving once again that he has no sense of humor, Bruno just shrugs and threatens "Hey, Fox awaits."

Promises Promises.

Dear Bruno:

I beg you. Go to Fox. Go anywhere. Just get the fuck off this show. I'm sick of watching the faces of little kids drop (specifically, my kids) while you sit there and belittle people for trying something new. DWTS is a TV Show, you moron. And it's supposed to be a feel good TV show. The last thing I want to see on my TV is a picklepuss, 70-pound gay man who wears a giant-sized pinkie ring yelling at anyone for anything, leave alone something as unimportant as a ballroom dance.

To your credit, Bruno, you've yet to slice into Bristol Palin although you are making it quite clear that you eventually do plan to get your digs in at her mother.

Guess What?

2010-09-18T18:42:00.000-07:00

Here's what. Iwhyawli couldn't give two hoots if Kate Gosselin has had a boob job. Because, friends, I'm the original Lady Gaga\Bjork\Madonna\Cher\Bette Midler\all the female shock-value performers in between Bette Middler and Gypsie Rose Lee\Gypsie Rose Lee\Eve --- i.e., I am the most non-judgmental person on the planet.

Here's also what. If Kate Gosselin has had a boob job, I don't understand why it seems to be such a shock to the GWOPPERS. Afterall, she wears a half pound of acrylic on her fingertips and someone else's (real or manufactured) hair on her head.

One more what. I don't get why anyone who had a boob job would lie about having a boob job, especially if you wear a half-pound of acrylic on your fingertips and someone else's (real or manufactured) hair on your head. Not that I think Kate is lieing because um, I don't care enough, if at all. But, I also don't get why anyone would answer anything except "none of your business" when asked if they had a boob job. Perhaps most perplexing of all, I don't understand why anyone asks a person if someone had a boob job, or even wonders if someone had a boob job. GWOPPERS are wierd, man, just plain wierd.

Last but not least. I don't understand why Lindsay Lohan asked someone to shoot collagen into her lips. It looks friggin' horrible. Such a potentially pretty young girl whose drinking and substance abuse made her look like a 40-year-old before the lip job, now looks like a 50-year-old.

I've yet to see a good collegen lip job, have you?

The World rights itself

2010-09-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

So Kate took the kids fishing and they all got seasick. The GWOPPERS rejoice. They'll be bitching about this until I'm 95 (i.e., a long, long time).

Remembering Jon: The Bald Head Episode

2010-09-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

If your kids are like my kids, they watch the Gosselins Show and then promptly wonder aloud for the next 10,000 hours why they never get to go to [fill-in-the-blank]. Of course, it's because we don't love them as much as Kate loves her kids but we instead choose to make stuff up. This time we told them that our family dog is very, very sick and about to die and yes, it's very very important that she is surrounded by family, tidy bedrooms and no fighting. When that doesn't work, I then remind them that WE JUST SPENT THE ENTIRE FRIGGING SUMMER AT A BEACH JUST LIKE BALD HEAD DOWN TO THE FAKE PIRATE SHIP AND DILAPITATED LIGHT HOUSE.

I enjoyed the Bald Head episode, especially the turtle births. Not sure if that was a re-run or new episode. All the trips blur together after a while. In a few minutes, I'll head over to GWOP to find out all that I should be hopping mad about. There was something said about naps and so I'm sure that set the GWOPPERS on fire. Oh, that reminds me. During last week's NYC episode, I forgot to mention how I chuckled when I saw Kate putting bibs on the kids when giving their icecream cones. We haven't had a good gwopper-style bib tirade in months!

Now that school has started for the kids (Kate and mine), I wonder if TLC could find it in their hearts to show how much the Gosselin kids LOVE doing stuff ... like ... their homework, taking baths, brushing their teeth or shovelling the dog crap.

I almost can hear it now. "Mommy, how come we never get to shovel the dog crap?"

So um...

2010-09-01T13:16:00.001-07:00

... which GWOPPER is currently holding hostages at Discovery Communications?

Gee, I can't for the life of me understand why Jon, Kate and the kids would need bodyguards*.
:: scratches head in confusion ::

Let's hope this situation ends quickly without injuries. I otherwise blame the GWOPPERS for spurring this guy on. Oh who am I kidding, I blame the GWOPPERS no matter what happens.

Kate is Trying Too Hard

2010-08-31T19:14:00.000-07:00

Okay. I'm about to make a whole lot of GWOPPERS very happy. Here it goes.

I, iwhyawli, did not like last night's Season Premiere epsiode of Kate Plus Eight, which I am now re-watching so I can try to pinpoint what it was that bugged me so.

It wasn't the kids. All the kids are still super cute. They're definitely not the problem.

The problem is Kate. She's trying too hard.

Let's see if I can explain this better. There were definitely moments during the show where Kate is just being a mom and we are watching Kate just being a mom. Those parts are okay.

But then, there were other very obvious moments where Kate is putting on a show for the camera, and those were the moments that bugged me. Two examples: Running down the street with the icecream cones and (I can barely stand to type it out) the whole incredibly stoopid "Turtle Turds and Ostrich Boogie" schtick that went on endlessly. Oh that wacky Kate! What will she do next? Drive the Statue of Liberty ferry boat ? You betcha.

Did Kate just say she's not a very good "Boat Driver Ferry Person?" Oh, how cute. yuk yuk yuk

And now, I'm about to make a whole lot of GWOPPERS very unhappy.

The Kate that I so disliked on last night's episode ? Reminded me of the GWOPPERS and their eternal mommy quest to turn every waking moment an all-about-me, ootsey-cutesy Hallmark moment.

Kate's hand gesturing with the fake acrylic nails also bug me. I feel like I'm watching some sort of SNL Barbara Stresand parody from the late 80's. I also have no real need to see multiple side shots of saggy boob cleavage.

Okee dookee., iwhyawli is done complaining and I gotta run, y'all. "So let's turn around and say good-bye to the statue, everybody. She'll just get smaller and smaller now. Say Thank you, everyone, thank you for being the symbol of our freedom, Lady Liberty. "

Barf.

Emmy Awards 2010

2010-08-30T16:02:00.000-07:00

Unlike Kate, I was not invited to be ON the 2010 Emmy Awards. Understandably so since (to my knowledge) I do not star in a TV show.

Despite my longstanding ardent support of Kate Gosselin in the glogosphere, I was also not invited to GO to the 2010 Emmy Awards as anyone's (cough) guest. Understandably so since Kate Gosselin has no idea who I am.

I also was not invited to an Emmy Awards watching party that is hosted annually by my next door neighbor. Understandably so since I've never yet accepted her kind invitation in five years running.

People, I did not even WATCH the 2010 Emmy Awards last night.

I did, however, once have a childhood friend named Emily, who we all called Emmy. And because Emmy's father was in advertising, she once got to be on a Keds commercial .

Why I am telling you this? Only to emphasize that my childhood friendship with Emmy puts me two hundred billion gazillion times closer to walking the red carpet at the Emmy Awards than Jodi or Julie will ever be.

Sucks to be you, Jodi, doesn't it????? HA HA HA HA HA

Another Bummer for Aunt Jodi

2010-08-27T05:12:00.000-07:00

Well, what a pisser, it looks like Aunt Jodi will miss the cut at DWTS YET AGAIN. How in the world does this keep happening? Say, I know, maybe it's time for Jodes to rejoin the cast at The Today Show and call someone else out as a dirty whore. I've never known another with such good diction whilst whispering. That skill alone should win Jodi a spot on DWTS plus a night with Brad Pitt.

And for those of you who, like me, thought Queen Bruno and Carrie Lighthead were complete pricks to Kate throughout DWTS, I bet you can't wait to see how badly they'll make Bristol Palin feel about herself because they don't like her mother and her mother's politics. Yeah, they won't be able to help themselves.

Sorry, I'm not sure I can watch DWTS this season. The instant I hear the name David Hasselhoff, I flashback to his daughter's video where he's half-sitting/half-laying on the floor trying to eat a hamburger whilst completely shit-faced. Google it. It's creepy.

Chickens

2010-08-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

So I finally saw the chicken coop episode the other day and all I have to say is this: If Kate Gosselin can get those kids to clean out the chicken poop thing on any sort of regular basis, I will absolutely need to know the secret to her success. We don't have chickens but we do (or did) have cats, dogs, a turtle (RIP), goldfish (RIP) and a hamster (RIP). No birds allowed in this house.

Kate is no longer relevant?

2010-08-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

Well it didn't take me long to find something inane over 'dere in GWOPland. It's right there on the main page posted by Mrs Bozo herself.

--------------------------------------
When people other than us start blogging that Kate is not longer relevant is it time to think about getting out the marshmallows and toasting forks?

Is Kate's career over?

--------------------------------------

Okay, I'll graciously overlook the glaring typo in between the words "is" and "longer" in Sharla's post, but since when have the GWOPPERS been blogging that Kate "is not longer relevant".

'Cause um, THEY STILL WRITE ABOUT HER EVERY DAMN DAY! TWICE A DAY! THREE TIMES A DAY! 24x7!

Thanks to all Jon wannabes like Tiger Woods, Jesse James and Mel Gibson, the woman hasn't been in the news or on TV for months but somehow the GWOPPERS still manage to dig up stuff like copies of all three fence estimates !

Mind you, I have no idea what Sharla even means by Kate "is no longer relevant" but then, I never really understand anything Sharla is babbling about. Relevant to what or who exactly? Kate's kids? Jodi and Julie? The mighty icon of quality journalism that is Radaronline ? Beats me what Sharla means by "is no longer relevant". But nonetheless, I do know the answer to Sharla's question.

YES, OF COURSE, KATE IS STILL RELEVANT!

If Kate weren't still relevant, it would mean that .... wait for it ... get ready.... take a deep breath....

... it would mean that SHARLA WASN'T RELEVANT! GASP! Because honies, that's all y'all do all day over there at GWOP. Bitch and moan about Kate!

So yeah, I realize 'relevance" is a big concept for you, Shar, but um here's how relevance works. If the object of your contempt is no longer relevant, then your contempt is no longer relevant. And so when you continue to blather on and on and on about things that are no longer relevant or dare we even say, TRUE, well, hon, people conclude that you are a total nutcase.

Shar, you're a nutcase.

What's News

2010-08-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

I'm back y'all.... just in time for the season premiere. Whew! I would have been back sooner but I forgot my password. But to my good fortune on the train tonight, I happened to catch site of this giant-size woman with big clownlike red hair, a beard and long yellow toenails and I remembered that my password is Sharla.

Hope you had great summers. I'm off to GWOP to catch up. I can't possibly imagine what they're whining about these days. To my knowledge, Kate et al haven't been on the air or in the news in ages.

CityGirl is a Fatso

2010-07-10T05:37:00.001-07:00

Hope y'all didn't miss this post. GWOP's resident expert on running weighs in.

Yes, nothing screams "Hey! I'm a Fatso" than a post like this:

---------------------
CityGirl said...

With all the recent pictures of Kate "Running" I am kind of thinking that since everything she does is to benefit her in some way($$) . Could she possibly be trying to come out with an exercise video? She has been carrying on with the running crap forever, but as hot as the weather has been, it would make more sense for kate to "Run" on the treadmill in the basement. Where the aircondition is. Yes, I know how much Kate loves to have her picture taken. But I just don't think she would cause herself to break a sweat for nothing. There has got to be another idea for more money somewhere in these rediculous* pictures. I'm betting on the Video and OR.....

P.S. Did anyone else hear that Joy is leaving the View for a full time slot on HLN? Gosh, I like the view and hope that they don't ask Kate to come on there. It seems they don't know what to do with her. Maybe that's why there is a limited # of episodes of K+8. Maybe there is something in the works. Hope everyone had a happy 4th!

7/05/2010 11:50 PM
----------------------------

Thanks CityGirl! I hope you had a very happy 4th too --- sitting on your ass, stuffing your pie hole and whatever other sedentary activities you fatties do on a holiday. We know it's not running.

* Ut oh! May GWOP's spelling police be merciful, CityGirl. Tsk tsk.

About time for a new post, eh?

2010-07-07T10:16:00.001-07:00

Yeah, today is definitely "way too damned hot outside" and so I am able to pay proper attention to my beloved blog in the full comfort of my air conditioned home whilst the children play at a neighbor's house in the full comfort of their air-conditioned home. It's soooooo damned hot outside that I couldn't even fathom the idea of going into the dirty, grimy city. I'm working (wink, wink) from home.

So, um, what's new with the GWOPPERS? The comments in the previous thread indicate that my BFF Dana Hoffman has been outed as a journalist (cough) who is a tad more than your average, everyday objective journalist. As I understand it, some very helpful person had discovered (and seemingly proven) that Dana likes to post her nastiest anti-Gosselin stuff at some anti-Gosselin blog using a pseudonym.

Gee, I do believe I hear a big old chicken clucking. Is it Dana?

Of course, you may recall my earlier speculation that Dana ---even writing as boring Dana in the Reading newspaper or wherever she submitted her soggy, yellow news stories (cough) --- had more skin in the anti-Gosselin movement than your average, everyday whacko. I mean a normal person just doesn't get upset when a family of 8 buys a 10 person passenger van. So, I am pleased to see now that yes, there is far more to Dana Hoffman's hatred of the Gosselin clan (or Kate) than meets the eye. You'll also recall that I also speculated that Dana Hoffman behaves JUST like one of Jon's spurned lovers.

Hmmmm....

I wonder why Dana Hoffman hates the Gosselins so much?

Hmmmmm.....

I'm crying UNCLE

2010-06-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

Attention! Attention! Paging all PennMommy Historians. I'm supposed to be looking through the comments here for that link to the topix thread where OhioMom so helpfully re-posted all those posts by William Haas. But hell, with the hundreds and thousands of comments that are published here, finding that comment could take absolutely forever. That, and Blogger's search functionality BLOWS GOATS!

When did PennMommy's imaginary son die? Was it Jul 18, 2009?

RIP: Meredith Viera

2010-06-07T16:33:00.001-07:00

So yeah, I remembered what it was that I wanted to write before I got distracted by the extra delicious ridiculousness that is GWOP's emergency blog.

Did I hear that right last night, y'all?

Meredith Viera told the GWOPPERS to GET A LIFE ?

Oh no, Meredith, Meredith, Meredith.

I hardly knew ya.

Is This Thing Working Yet?

2010-06-07T14:51:00.000-07:00

Well gee, Blogger was broke earlier today and now I done forgot all the important stuff I wanted to post about last night's 'Kate Plus 8' and 'Inside Kate's Life" (or whatever that second show was called ).

But more importantly, how are the poor GWOPPERS coping ? First the BP Oil Spill and now blogger craps out and the GWOPPERS can't get to their beloved blog. HOW MUCH COLLOSSAL TRAGEDY CAN HUMANITY WITHSTAND?

Oh wait. I forgot. GWOP has an emergency blog for these exact types of emergencies. Whew! I may be wrong but I believe the emergency blog is gosselinwithoutpity.blogspot.com (no "s"). It's the same blogging lifeboat that everyone boarded after Sharla brought down GWOP for three days when she deleted a billion incriminating posts PLUS one of the GWOP administrators who went rogue after the whole PENNYMOMMY fiasco. Eventually, the emergency blog went all secret on everyone and I think only the coolest of the cool GWOPPERS had the password*. So yeah, hopefully, HOPEFULLY Sharla was able to hide all the private discussions on the emergency blog in time to re-open it for emergency use before any of the most panicked GWOPPER addicts offed themselves in desperation.

Ay yi-yi. An emergency blog? Cause finding something else to do for a few hours is out of the question? ::eye rolls::

* GWOP's emergency secret blog should not be confused with the Super Secret Blog that Rabid Clay Aiken fan/Kate Gosselin hater xsandlapper runs. See, if you're Sharla, you can never post on enough blogs, especially secret ones.

I am a pathetic Gosselin blogger

2010-06-06T06:25:00.000-07:00

So, um, I was messing around over there in the archives, looking for all those funny movies y'all once created. Remember those? They were FUNNY!

See, I'm fixin' to make another sidebar thing that include a list of those movie links. And whilst I was poking around to find the movies, I realized:

"Hey, this blog is probably coming up on its one year anniversary! I could do the movie link sidebar thing in celebration of gwopwop's one year anniversary! Because that's what real bloggers do: they celebrate stuff like their blog's birthday. OMG OMG OMG ... I want to be a real blogger too!"

Buzzer sound. Guess what?

Iwhyawli totally missed gwopwop's birthday. It was May 3rd. Whoopsie!

Sharla NEVER misses a GWOP milestone!

While, yes, I may be the world's most pathetic Gosselin blogger, it gives me great comfort to know that I will never be like Sharla, no matter how hard I try.

Things Too Personal

2010-06-03T05:44:00.000-07:00

So I headed over to GWOP to share in all the enthusiam for Kate's new show that surely must be building, but I got sidetracked by something that I've been meaning to understand/make fun of for a long, long time.

Every time Sharla posts one of her Open Discussion threads, she posts the same set of instructions --- or, as I like to call them: rules. Because the 21 rules appearing at the very start of the blog clearly aren't enough, we also have rules of conduct for each the Open Discussion threads.

Yes, Sharla, as we know, is a complete rule freak. Which isn't too suprising. If you've bothered to draft the Official Rules and Code of Conduct for something that comes naturally to most species (ie., motherhood), it makes sense that you would devise a dizzying set of rules to govern every other aspect of life.

Dare I say that Sharla might be the only person who is more controlling than Kate? And yet, friends, what is the one rule that Shara so conveniently ignores? That's right, that pesky little Golden Rule.

But I've made fun of Herr Sharla's obsession with rules plenty of times before. No need to repeat myself. Today, I'd like to focus on this bewildering GWOP bewilderment:

----------------------------------
"Remember or try the Facebook Group for things that would be off topic or too personal on the blog."
----------------------------------

Huh?

I guess I need an example of something that is "too personal on the blog" that would not be "too personal on Facebook".

I admit that I'm no facebook wiz, but I do know that most facebook members (except for the GWOP moderators) sign up on facebook using their real names and that member profiles commonly disclose stuff like hometown, current city, school, employer, kid's names, etc. Facebookers will also post pictures of everything you can possibly imagine: their kids, their homes, their vacation plans, their new flat screen TVs, their obvious problems with alcohol, their body parts, their collections of severed body parts -- you name it.

Last but not least, let's not also forget all the idiotic status postings.

TMI, people!

I also know that if you don't take specific action to privatize all that personal content, you're feeding it to friends, friends of friends, advertisers and god knows who else, INCLUDING SHARLA.

So um, facebook ain't exactly private. And for anything TOO PERSONAL, it's actually less private than posting anything anonymously at GWOP. And so perhaps here layeth Sharla's true motivations. Does Sharla want you GWOPPERS to post all the valua ... err, personal stuff on Facebook and not GWOP so that, you know, she has a face, a name, mailing address, and if you wouldn't mind, a social security number to attach to it?

No worries, Sharla's intentions can only be good. Afterall, who can possibly forget how very kind, giving and fiercely protective Sharla was toward PENNMOMMY when her imaginary son fell ill and then died so tragically.

Breaking News! DWTS Cheats

2010-05-24T18:10:00.000-07:00

So I'm trying to vote for Evan and I get this message: "Sorry, we couldn't find that page"
Don't believe me? Here are some pics.

Pic #1: Here's me trying to place my first vote of 32,403 votes for Evan. I click the word "VOTE" in that little pink box.

Pic #2: Denied!

Good thing, ABC doesn't do heart transplants. Because website problems (wink, wink) when you're a Reality TV Show who has just told 23 million to vote must be kinda like when the heart slips from the surgeon's hands and lands on the floor.

Whoopsie!

I would also like to comment that is next to possible to post pictures on blogger.

Wow, so defensive

2010-05-23T06:37:00.000-07:00

Apparently Sharla has had ENOUGH with all the negative GWOP characterizations and has taken to creating a "Things We Are Called that We are Not" thread. GWOPPERS are invited to add to list.

In Item #5, Sharla writes that SHE is definitely not a child advocate and has never claimed to be one. Yeah. whatever. I noticed that it's gone now but for the first umpteen years of the blog's history, she hosted a a link to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. And the stupid What We Want section still says "We want child labor laws to recognize that children in reality shows deserve the same protection that children in scripted shows have."

Yeah, Sharla, we believe you. Just like we believed your "PennMommy is real." And just like we believe you had nothing to do with the Pig blog. I know you don't like hearing this, Sharla, but you and your pals ( Julie, Jodi and Serena (nhrn)) have a wee credibility issue.

I also especially loved Item #6. The GWOPPERS, or at least some of them apparently, are NOT bad mothers. Sharla writes, "Some of the us don't even have children. " So there. Take that, you sheeple!

Would it have been possible for Sharla to create a more stupid thread? Since when are you not what you are just because you say you're not? Has Annie Louise's poignant art history lecture on pointillism taught Sharla nothing? I thought we're all supposed to step back and connect the dots.

The trouble with threads titled "Things we are called that we are not" and then inviting people to build the list is the wonderful opportunity for omission. For example, if no one pipes up and says "Hey, we're not mortally stupid", I can only conclude that GWOPPERS must be mortally stupid.

So far, the list of what they are but are not isn't very long. But once they move past the word "shribbled" and officially decide whether they are or are not shribbled, I'm sure the posts will pick up.

Who will be the brave first GWOPPER to step forward to say "We're NOT judgmental."?

Because of all the things they are or aren't, that would be the only trait that matters.

Go Evan! Go Evan! Go Evan!

2010-05-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

In case you are all wondering, iwhyawli plans to throw all 32,032 of her DWTS votes to Evan-the-Olympian. Yes, I know, I don't feel like looking up the spelling of Evan's last name and certain GWOPPERS can't seem to cope with my spelling errors\laziness.

My reasons for voting for Evan are really quite simple.

1. The Pussy Cat Doll woman is already a professional dancer and has no business participating as a contestant, despite her many teary assertions that 'this doesn't come easy' for her. If dancing, after the umpteen years of dance lessons that were so apparent in last week's up-close-and-personal home movies, still doesn't come easy, perhaps Nicole should contemplate another career. That, or shut up. We all understand her motivation for going on the show and it didn't have anything to do with wanting to learn how to dance and\or winning the much-coveted mirror ball trophy.

2. Max is a moron. Sure, he's cute enough in the face and certainly has a very nice body. But standing next to the well-chiseled, lean mean body mass that is Chad Ochocinco, Max Chmerlooskywitz looks like the fricking pillsbury doughboy. My main man Evan also has a far more sculpted body than Max so I'm not quite sure why Max seems to thinks he's the modern day David. Max is a male bimbo.

3. I don't like the stupid diamond earring that Max wears. Reminds me of Jon.

Good luck, Evan!

Couldn't Happen to a Nicer Guy

2010-05-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well ... looks like one of my favorite passers of judgment and his Wife #2 are heading back to divorce court yet again. Third time's the charm, Matt. Hope you make it to this finish line this time. So many women, so little time, eh?

I guess what they say about karma is true.

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/05/report-matt-lauer-and-wife-split

If you've forgotten why I wish nothing but good things for Matt Lauer, read here.

Click here if you'd like to watch a giant jackass weigh in on someone else's life.

iwhyawli's Point CounterPoint on Pointillism

2010-05-09T05:29:00.000-07:00

Is no fine art form safe from GWOP's hatchet?

First, we all much enjoyed GWOP's total misinterpretations of the Truman Show. Then ChurchMouse pops up to misconstrue Louisa May Alcott's viewpoint in "Little Women". And now, most recently, we have Sharla and 'Annie Louise' (wink wink) relying upon neoimpressionist technique as further evidence that Kate Gosselin is the world's crappiest mom.

I stumbled on this week's GWOP's main page post by 'Annie Louise' (wink wink) when I was over there copying Sharla's Mother's Day picture. Apparently, only people who took an art history class would know what pointillism is. :: a million eye rolls ::

---------------------------------------------

Kate's Behavior as Art by Annie Louise

Once again, this falls into the “why was I using any brain cells even thinking of this?” category. But something occurred to me about how people here are so criticized by the sheeple for the way we point out seemingly small things about Kate. They think we pick on her for things that don’t matter. But it’s actually a lot like pointillism (welcome back to art history class, folks.)

You know it – the style of art (Georges Seurat, etc.) in which the artist uses small dots of paint. Viewed up close, it looks like random little blobs. You step back a bit, and a whole, very cohesive picture appears. (pixels on an LCD TV work the same way to form an image.)So while we may talk about little “dots” a good deal of the time – hair extensions, a scowly photo, a cackly laugh, a sick tup on the laundry room floor, “come and get your popcorn,” a book tour away from the kids – we’re all keenly aware of the big picture those things form. Taken by themselves, I don’t think anyone would think twice about one of the “dots.” But each one fits into the big picture, and it’s a damn ugly and disturbing one.She just keeps supplying us with dot after dot to add to the picture, doesn’t she?

Thank you Annie Louise

Posted by Sharla on 05/06/2010

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Annie Louise (wink, wink):

You ignorant slut. I know you weren't talking to me in your ... um, very provocative essay because ... um, I am not a sheeple. I wouldn't have the foggiest clue what Kate Gosselin or her kids were doing if it weren't for your ilk following her around like lost puppies. But allow me anyway, if you will, to point counterpoint your completely stupid post.

First a correction: Y'all don't 'seemingly' point out small things about Kate. There's no question about it. You DO point out small things about Kate. You all do it every day, all day.

And yes, we gwopwoppers totally get that you do it to "paint" a picture of Kate -- a very unflattering one. We also get that you're 100% physically and psychologically incapable of painting your picture using any sort of positive strokes and bright colors.

I won't speak for other gwopwoppers, but what strikes *ME* as so completely oddball about you and your [holds nose]kind[hold nose] is that you're bothering to paint a picture at all--- even if it were by some miracle a totally positive picture.

I'm not sure I can't state this any more clearly than I've already tried to state a hundred mission times, but normal people do not sit around and scrutinize, analzye and judge every last detail of another person's life. Normal people worry only about their own lives, their own happiness and their own love offerings.

In the spectrum of life, people can be classified by three personality types: fans, normal people and psychos. I don't "get" fandom myself. Sure, there are lots of people, restaurants, books, songs, ideas, etc. that I admire but aside from the occassional rant on this here gwopwop blog -- the only way any celebrity will ever know how I feel about them is if THEY walk up to ME on the street and ask me. Fans, for whatever reason feel its necessary to go the extra mile and show their appreciation. All in all, fandom is apparently fun for the fans, seems completely harmless and is perhaps flattering, rewarding or motivating to the celebrity. Normal people, like me, just quietly buy their stuff, or not, and move on with life. Psychos try to inflict personal harm and injury on the object of their affection.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: YOU GWOPPERS ARE PSYCHOTIC!

Seurat's magnificent paintings represent his scientific experiments with color. He wasn't using dots to communicate the solution for world harmony in secret code. If he knew that highly paid professional sots like 'Anna Louise; (wink, wink) would one day misrepresent the significance of his work and color discoveries as a vehicle for crucifying someone, he probably would have taken a blow torch to A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grand Jatte and never painted again.

If Anna Louise (wink, wink) actually did take an art history course, I'm betting she flunked it.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms

2010-05-09T05:07:00.001-07:00

Here's a happy happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there, excluding GWOP moms, Jodi, Julie, and Gloria Allred.

To all you GWOP moms, Jodi, Julie and Gloria, I hope not a day goes by without someone telling you what a crappy mom you are. I hope that someone just like you will have the good sense and fortitude to lobby hard for the removal of your kids from your homes as soon as humanely possible. Finally, I wish complete and total financial hardship for you and a shortage of low-heeled, sensible shoes. I'll be at the spa and I damn well not see any of you there.

And Yet

2010-05-06T19:04:00.000-07:00

In the "Whatever" thread, a poster named Anonymous at 12:54 really pwns us. For brevity, I've substituted GWOP's six perpetual talking points with the words "blah, blah, blah". If you're not yet a expert in GWOP's sacred creed, the original comment still sits in the Whatever thread, unless of course my scathing rebuttal herein compels Anonymous to delete it out of total embarrassment.

Here's the redacted post followed by my scathing rebuttal:

---------------------------
Anonymous said...
The truth is a bitter pill to swallow. You guys hate the messengers, and yet you support the fact that Kate:

1) blah, blah blah, blah
2) blah, blah blah, blah
3) blah, blah blah, blah
4) blah, blah blah, blah
5) blah, blah blah, blah
6) blah, blah blah, blah

Please leave GWOP alone, they see Kate as she TRULY is, and there is millions of documented evidence to show who Kate truly is. And it's not pretty.

May 6, 2010 12:54 AM
-----------------------------------

Dear Anon at 12:54AM

I really hate to pick your comment apart, but if not me, who?
To be honest I don't really hate to pick your post apart -- I live for it.

Let's start with the first paragraph. You said " You guys hate the messengers, and yet you support the fact that Kate: blah blah blah."

Here's my beef. For normal people with an IQ, using the phrase "and yet" usually serves to describe a contradiction of some sort: a puzzle, if you will, that causes the reader to wonder what the real story might be. Your sentence, however, does nothing of the kind. YOU'VE USED THE PHRASE "AND YET" INCORRECTLY, YOU DILLWAD.

Here. Let me give you some examples where the phrase "and yet" is used properly.

1. The GWOPPERS claim to be a child advocates AND YET the overwhelming majority of posts at GWOP pertain to Kate's appearance.

2. The GWOPPERS all fancy themselves to be perfect moms and are very quick to judge Kate's every parenting move AND YET only one GWOPPER has submitted their application to gwopwop's parenting study, despite repeated invitations.

3. Julie Kamauf Daugherty Brown is a self-professed truthseeker AND YET she deleted all the posts on her blog that describe the real motivations for her and Jodi's on-going dispute with Jon & Kate. BTW, some nice person found those deleted posts and sent them to me. I've re-posted them here for your viewing pleasure.

4. Jodi and Kevin Kreider are sickened by Jon and Kate's alledge exploitation of their children AND YET they themselves continue to profit financially as a result of their own affiliation with the TV show and family. BTW, one day some nice person sent me a link to the Recorder of Deeds Office in Elizabethtown PA where there is evidence of at least two rather large lump sum mortgae payments (90,000+ if I'm remembering it correctly) which were made shortly after Jodi took it upon herself to inform the Internets that Kate is a [whisper] cheater [whisper]. We gots a picture of those documents posted here too somewhere. Search for the phrase "More proof that screwing your sister really pays."

5. Sharla told everyone that didn't have anything to do with the infamous "pig blog" AND YET we eventually come to find out that she's was the an administrator and creator of the blog. You see, one day some nice person sent me a picture of an Main Page post that Sharla\Peri accidentally made on the blog. I actually forget the specific details but they're posted here somewhere. Suffice it to say that outing Sharla as Peri and owner of the Pig Blog was one of the most exciting days in gwopwop history.

Okay, I hope these great examples help you, but you're really dumb so probably not. I will try best to think of some more infamous GWOP contradictions but I gots to go outside right now and move the sprinkler.

Your pal,
iwhy

Whatever

2010-05-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

Pamela Anderson is one of the world's most iconic women?

Give me a break.

Maybe an iconic bimbo.

After considerable thought, I firmly believe that if Bruno had only mentioned Pam's great acting talent only 5 times every 10 minutes instead of 8 times every 3 minutes, it wouldn't have been quite so obvious that blathering on about her great acting talent was a negotiated condition of getting her to come on the show. Great acting talent? C'MON! Am I stupid? She played a lifeguard on the only show in US television history who actors never once uttered any word longer than two syllables.

Tom Bergeron says Pamela Anderson is such an icon that they've been begging her to be on the show since Season 1? Whatever, Tom. If she hedged about joining the show, it's because she thinks she's too cool for something as cornball as Dancing with the Stars. Cause Pam's a hard core rocker, don't you know. Married twice to the male version of Kat von D, who she dumped in favor of another adult male who insists on being called Kid Rock. She is the proud "victim" of not one, but two of those accidental sex tapes (wink, wink). And of all the things in the world to write about, she writes to Barack Obama urging the legalization of cannibas.

Don't get me wrong. I don't really care how Pamela Anderson chooses to live her life or make her money, but she's no great actor and she's not an icon.

However, I do not speak for the GWOPPERS. They love her.

Families that like entrusion

2010-05-03T18:37:00.000-07:00

Yeah, entrusion. : rolls eyes: Like that's a word.

----------------------------
No Worry, Beef Curry said...
Agree, for the most part. Still, the cameras make me so ill. My sis' and I can't stand cameras, and she's a major extrovert. Our other sis' can't get enough of the spotlight. There is no way 8 kids collectively love that kind of entrusion.
5/01/2010 1:20 AM
----------------------------

Far be it from me to discount that normalcy that surely abounds in the "No Worry, Beef Curry" household, but in a matter of seconds, I was able to compile a list of collective families that seemingly can't (or couldn't) get enough entrusion (cough).

VonTropp family
Lennon Sisters
Osmonds
Jackson Five
Jonas Brothers
Gabors
Hansens
Duggars
Arquettes
Smother Brothers
Quaids
Baldwins
Judds
King Sisters
Pointer Sisters
Houghs
Kardashians
Phoenix Family
Sheens
Spears
Hiltons
Roloffs
Mary Kate and Ashley
Sinatras

Let the Record Reflect

2010-05-03T05:25:00.000-07:00

I remembered to google "Did the ratings for Dancing with the Stars drop?" this morning and the first hit led to this little article, which I will re-post her for Sharla's viewing pleasure. Hi, Sharla!

The article is also proof that dopes like Bruno and Max wouldn't know how to make money if their lives depended on it. As dancing purists, however, I'm certain something as basic as supporting yourself is wholly unimportant to them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gosselin Leaves 'Dancing,' Ratings Drop
April 27, 2010

By: Scott Harris
Love her or hate her, nobody can deny that Kate Gosselin draws a crowd wherever she goes. The latest proof of this 21st Century truism: 'Dancing With the Stars,' which according to Entertainment Weekly has seen a significant ratings drop since she was voted off the show last week. Of course, just how much of that drop is due to the departure of Gosselin is hard to guess. Last night's performance episode drew a 4.3 rating and a 12 share in the key 18-49 demographic, which is down 10 percent from last week and 20 percent from the average for prior weeks (5.4/15).

http://insidetv.aol.com/2010/04/27/dancing-with-the-stars-ratings-kate-gosselin/

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

WANTED: Attorney

2010-05-01T05:18:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I have an annoying tendancy to do the right thing by people, obey the law, avoid conflict, and abide my contractual committments even when they're not really contracts at all.

So no worries, iwhyawli doesn't really need an attorney, but if I did, I think I would hire the novice attorney who advertises himself/herself to be a complete pushover in the courtroom with only a surface level knowledge of the law. I know they must be out there somewhere.

In the 5/1 Open Discussion thread, Jenny wrote an entire book and then toward the bottom, we can see that things look bad for Kate's upcoming custody battles.

---------------------------------------------
Jenny said...

Btw, I know he fired his attorney (List) but I just read somewhere that he's hired a well known, aggressive Philadelphia attorney whose specialty is custody law. I forget her name but apparently she knows her stuff and is a real bulldog in the courtroom and doesn't let anything get by her. That's the last I heard...and that he's also "trying to work things out amicably with Kate." If that's the case...not sure why he'd go ahead and hire an attorney...but anyway, that's all I've heard about it so just wanted to mention it. Maybe I'm missing some more news on it.

4/30/2010 9:20 PM
---------------------------------------------

One of iwhyawli's favorite TV shows used to be Boston Legal so I happen to know a little bit about the legal industry, and every industry has its own lexicon. In a real estate listing, for example, the word "charming" means "about to fall down" and in the health field, "nutricious " means "you'll crap for a week". Well, in the legal field, "high-powered" happens to mean "giant obnoxious and self-absorbed jackass."

Economygate

2010-04-28T05:56:00.001-07:00

I can't help but notice that the Dow plunged yesterday.

Kate getting the boot from DWTS followed by another sudden downturn in the economy can't be a coincidence.

Case in Point: When Kate was on the show, I would DRIVE to/from work on Mondays and Tuesdays just to make certain I was ass-in-chair by showtime. But this week, I'm back to taking the train and I missed both episodes. That's a savings of $40 per day in parking, tolls and at least one -half tank of gas. It won't be long before we're reading about mass layoffs again.

Let's also not forget the dramatic reduction in text messaging fees that this week brings.

I blame GWOP.

No Worries, Kate ...

2010-04-20T18:36:00.000-07:00

... sometimes you must suffer a defeat to win a bigger victory. And, I always wanted my own telemarketing company.

Sorry to see you go, m'dear. On the upside, you've just put a big old dent in Jon's custody case. I'm also not sure how much more Bruno could stand. My enjoyment of his weekly suffering was frankly a little sick.

My advice to the on-going success of DWTS might be to get a judge that understands how the show works. The judge's scores count for less than half and the viewers votes count for more than half. The show's popularity drives up the price for advertising so that everyone goes home fat, happy and rich. If Bruno thinks anyone is watching week after week to watch his stupid antics and\or are basing their votes on who is dancing well, he (and Whoopi Goldberg) are more stupid than I thought.

Bruno might be better suited for a show call "Dancing with the Complete Unknowns"

It'll be interesting to see if viewership drops next week.

Tori and Dean Without Pity

2010-04-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

Hi all , I would have posted much earlier but I was buzy voting for Kate Gosselin, and well, voting 32,064 times takes a lot of time.

Listen up. Even though Kate's fox trot was beyond elegance and perfection last night, it's just going to get tougher and tougher to keep her on the show. Bruno, as you saw and heard yet again last night, is one formidable gay man... err, I mean judge. But have no worries. I went out and purchased a telemarketing company this morning. My team in India is robo-dialing votes for Kate as I type.

And when voting closes, they'll robo-dial Sharla's house. Hee! I should of this much earlier.

In other news, lookee at this scoop from mkb77!

------------------------------

mkb77 said...

.
This has nothing to do with faking Christmas, but I didn't know where else to post it. I watched Tori and Dean last night. I know, I know..pitifrigginful, what can I say? I watched it. Mind candy, that's all it is. That and self made drama.

Having said that, I would like to point out the following in hopes that the Gwopatards that lurk here, will see these particular points:

A. Tori and Dean are making money off of their kids.

B. Their baby daughter Stella was filmed pooping in her potty last night.

C. Liam had a major diva issue with himself in this particular episode.

D. Tori and Dean have a lot to deal with in their relationship and seem to fight more this season.

Having said all of that, I myself could give a rat's behind if: they make money by having their life filmed for a reality show, their kids are shown on a potty chair, their kids have a meltdown, or their marriage is under duress. I watch the show cause it is there to watch.

Gwoptards, march forward and carry the torch for the McDermott/Spelling kids. They need you.

LMAO.

-----------------------------------------

On behalf of GWOPPERS and child advocates everywhere, I thank you, mkb77. This is an outrage.

Anyone know if Gloria Allread has been notified?

Faking Christmas

2010-04-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

How do kids do that exactly? Fake Christmas, I mean. Seriously, Kevin, you're pathetic. I don't even think Jewish kids could fake excitment over Christmas.

Assuming it actually happened, asking a bunch of excited little kids to jump and down and act all goofy on Christmas morning is what you consider 'psychologically harmful' ?

How about when you (cough) make them hide behind the couch with the lights out and shout "Surprise!" at their Mommy's birthday party? Is that okay?

How about when you (cough) park them in Time-Out and then make them say they're sorry when you know damn well they're not sorry for shit. Dat okay?

How about when you make them lie about their ages in order to get into Disney World for less (cough)? If stuff like that is pyschologically harmful, I know some kids in Columbia Maryland (cough) who probably need to be institutionalized.

I don't exactly know what the point of today's hearing was, Kev, but it's been a long time since a governmental event has needed to have a point. However, I did think that the floor length, banquet style table cloths were a nice touch. Hope that didn't cost too much extra. Most taxpayers are a little short on cash these days.

Myself, I thought the hearing meant to question the adequacy of Pennsylvania's child labor laws --- a worthwhile discussion any day. Unfortunately, it sounds like YOU thought the point of today's hearing was to charge Jon & Kate with child abuse.

Let me ask you something, you fucking idiot. Are Pennsylvania's child labor laws adequate? Or, um, don't we know because you and Old Glory Hole elected to sensationalize the event with a bunch of fake drama?

Once upon a time, you were the guy who changes the filter in my furnace twice a year. Now you're a child psychologist?

Don't make me watch the whole thing, Kev. Can my kid still have a paper route?

Do I need to fire my 8th grade baby-sitter?

Is the hearing over, Kevvy, or will be you be testifying (cough) again tomorrow? Make sure all the folks are aware of these little factoids:

1. Your wife gave gum to three years old. It's true, Kevin, don't deny it. We have it on film. Do you realize those kids could have choked on that gum? But I guess you can't be psychologically damaged when you've just choked to death, eh?

2. When Jon went to get his ill-fated hair plugs, your wife hauled her sick kids over to the Gosselins house in order to babysit. Here's a warning, toots. You purposefully expose my kids to illness and you'll never hear the end of it. Unless you want to know what psychological damage truly feels like, you'll keep your sick kids at home.

Now that I think of it, I don't believe I have received your application to GWOPWOP's Parenting Study yet. Chop chop, dude. I wouldn't want to miss the next congressional hearing.

Hello to Week 5

2010-04-13T18:51:00.001-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe this great country of ours just told GWOP (and Bruno) to kiss it.

Congratulations to Kate on your promotion to Week 5. Ca-ching!

I'm no James Carville, but it might behoove this latest hearing-holding Congressman (whoever he or she is) to watch this show. He would see that for every GWOP voter there appear to be 20 GWOPWOPPERS.

Baby Steps

2010-04-12T19:21:00.000-07:00

Well you may think this post's title is directed to Kate and has something to do with her really great improvement tonite on DWTS Episode #4, but you'd be wrong. No, I direct these gentle words of encouragement to the lamebrain judges on this dumb ass show.

Great job, judges, you stupid jackasses. You let up on Kate like I hoped you would but opted instead to lay into everyone else. You've taken baby steps in the right direction, I guess, but what is it with you morons? Your comments about Niecey Nash's dance were so especially infuriating that you forced me to say a bad word in front of my kids.

Here's a couple clues, you unfeeling pinheads.

1. When someone's dance is dedicated to their deceased brother, you don't find fault with it. I don't care if she tripped and knocked out her two front teeth during that dance, you don't find fault with it. Honestly. You have to learn something like this on the Internet? From me? Good grief. Is decency and tact something only Americans have?

2. I know you judges would like us to think you don't miss a step during any of these dances. Incredibly, you somehow missed that Niecey Nash is an overweight, black comedienne and her dance partner is a 30 pound, small-boned gay man. AND .... THEY WERE DANCING A RUMBA! For Len, of course, the dance was a [british whine]bit boring[british whine]. Len, you're an idiot. Those two couldn't be more opposite yet they managed to make me and the rest of the universe completely forget all that whilst watching their dance. Their dance was lovely.

I may now understand why my goofy husband watches sports with the sound off.

DWTS Week 4 Prediction

2010-04-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

Here's my official prediction for tonite's Week 4 Episode of Dancing with Stars. SPOILER ALERT! Don't read any further if you don't want know what's going to happen.

Ready?

Kate will dance with Tony. Yes, folks, I'm that good at this.

My psychic powers also tell me they'll dance a tango. Just a feeling I've got.

She'll dance it poorly, just like any other 35-year-old single mom from rural Pennsylvania with 8 little kids, a deadbeat ex-husband and zero dance experience on live television would dance it.

Tom Bergeron and Brooke Adams will act like human beings should act when anyone dares to do something they've never done before.

Meanwhile Carrie Ann Innaba, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli will act .... just ... completely ... disgusted .... on the mistaken belief anyone really cares what those three think, especially since we've all now watched the farce called DANCE WARS. Bruno may faint he's so disgusted.

The GWOPPERS will be overjoyed. Sharla will feverishly try to photshop another interpretation of Bruno's poignant commentary (assuming she can understand him). The GWOPPERS will then hoot, holler and applaud Sharla as if she's Lucille Ball herself. I'll have to post another thread to ask someone to explain it to me.

Iwhyawli will be overjoyed at another opportunity watch the GWOPPERS mock someone
who is doing poorly.

Kate, TLC and ABC (or whatever network DWTS is on) will laugh all the way to the bank.

As it should be.

Anybody Know?

2010-04-10T12:48:00.001-07:00

Not sure how I missed it but does anyone know the hilarious meaning behind GWOP's new masthead picture? It's a poorly photoshopped picture of someone in a shopping cart that is filled with paint cans and rolls of wallpaper. The shopping cart is being pushed by another person. Kate's face is pasted atop the person in the shopping cart. And Tony-the-Dancer's head is pasted atop the shopping cart pusher. A cartoon bubble leading to Kate's mouth says "Look At Me".

Here are my best guesses:

1. Kate will soon be starring in a new home improvement show with Tony-the-Dancer, who used to be a successful carpenter.

2. Instead of practicing for DWTS, Kate is forcing Tony-the-Dancer to re-paper the downstairs powder room.

3. Sharla is teaching herself how to use PhotoShop. Wait, not PhotoShop. GIMP. Sharla can't afford Photoshop.

4. Fostersmom wants everyone to know that she has no qualms whatsoever about using the pictures at FotoSearch without paying for them.

I command Sharla to bring the goslings picture back. Hey! Goslings sorta sounds like Gosselins! I at least "got" that picture.

Bruno, Bruno, Bruno

2010-04-08T15:44:00.001-07:00

Whoa, my main man Bruno Tonioli continues to piss me off and I'm sad to say, he's thisclose to winning his very own BrunoTonioliWithoutPity blog, complements of iwhyawli. Consider this your first warning.

Have you all seen and\or read his interview with George Lopez? It's over there at radaronline today. He's quite the little man in that interview, isn't he? And by little, I mean small-minded.

Readers, go listen to that interview, do you think there will ever come a time when Bruno says something we don't already know? I'm not just talking about his comments about Kate's dancing. He NEVER says anything that isn't already painfully obvious. Pam Anderson has giant boobs? Gee thanks, Bruno, we hadn't noticed. If you insist on re-stating the obvious with such theatrical and cliche metaphors, perhaps you could find a way to do it more constructively. You do claim to be a teacher of dance, don't you?

I blame "great teachers" like Bruno for the reason I'm not an award-winning artist. As a young pup, I wanted to learn how to draw and paint in the worst possible way. But in order to get into art school, I had to have a portfolio. WTF? How do you build a portfolio if you don't know how to draw and paint?

So okay, I thought I might like to learn how to sing.... only to learn that I must *audition* for the high school choir. WTF? So I showed up and they gave me a sheet of music. How are you supposed to sing a song you've never heard when you don't know how to read music?

My point. How come none of these "judges" are offering Kate any constructive advice to help her overcome her obvious nerves. I hear them telling all the other dancers "to connect with each other", "to keep frame", "to point their toes", "to smile", "to pull their butts in", etc., etc., etc., What's their beef with Kate that they can't come up with anything other than [carrie]my, that was odd[carrie] or [bruno]she's crap"[bruno].

Bruno, dear, what's *your* point? Why so upset? Should Kate kill herself because she can't dance? What is it that compels you to go on the George Lopez Show and skewer any of the show's contestants with such disgust, especially when you also admit that she's trying hard.

Should Kate throw in the towel, Bruno? Should her fans stop giving her this opportunity?

Because if we should stop doing stuff that we're no good at, Bruno, perhaps you should stop trying to speak the English language.

Bruno, you speak our language like crap.

I realize you're trying hard, but you're crap.

OMG ! Look Who Rose From the Dead

2010-04-07T16:54:00.000-07:00

ChurchMouse is BAAAAACKK, everybody! And during Easter Week too. How very appropriate.

If you recall, ChurchMouse is a very sensy GWOPPER who blog-i-cided several weeks ago, after writing this big long post that all the negativity at GWOP was too much for her delicate sensibilities. She wanted her fellow gwoppers to know that she was going to rise above it all, but fervently hoped that everyone else would carry on with their negativity. When to her dismay, no one begged her to stay, she sent one final post to fostersmom with permission to post it on the Main Page. Surely you recall GWOP's infamous "Little Women" post where ChurchMouse hoped Kate would raise her girls as subserviant females whose primary goal should be marriage to a good man.

So what earth-shattering event compels ChurchMouse back to blogging? That bitch Kate used plastic eggs during the Easter Egg hunt.

-----------------------------
ChurchMouse said...
Regarding the Easter Eggs.

Hi, I haven't posted in a while, but the DWTS fiasco sucked me right back in. And I don't even GET cable.

About the eggs--She used plastic eggs and filled them with candies. Then the kids put them in their plastic Easter Buckets.

Pity. Part of the fun of Easter was helping to dye and decorate the eggs. The smell of vinegar always takes me back to the entire family around the table dying eggs. My brother used to make little egg stands with feet out of cardboard. We'd draw little faces on the eggs in crayon, and then add little paper ears and cotton to make little bunnies out of the eggs.

And of course, the entire family had hard-boiled eggs for lunch for the next week in our paper bag lunches. And I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

4/07/2010 5:24 AM
--------------------------------

I've no idea where CM gets the idea that the Gosselin kids didn't get to dye any Easter Eggs whilst surrounded by fragant wafts of vinegar, but GWOP's posts have never made sense before so why start now.

Labels for this post: Self Control

I Have To Laugh

2010-04-06T20:13:00.000-07:00

Man oh Man, for someone who reportedly abhors Kate's controlling nature, Sharla sure spends a lot of time bossing those GWOPPERS around. She's got rules on frigging rules over there. Hey you stupid GWOPPERS, don't you be posting comments in the wrong thread on the wrong topic and at the wrong time. IT PISSES SHARLA OFF.

I suspect many GWOPPERS find it harder to post at GWOP than filling out their 1040EZ.

OUTSTANDING!

2010-04-06T18:00:00.000-07:00

Kate's fans reward all her hard work and she moves on to Week 4.
Iwhyawli couldn't be happier.

Meanwhile, Len is shocked and dismayed that we Americans didn't save Buzz Aldrin. Really Len? The primary focus of the show is 101 different ways to exaggerate a woman's chest. Half the viewers don't even know Earth has a moon. The other half are parked over there on GWOP hatching plots to have eight little kids taken away from their mother.

Last week, we watch Shannon Doherty get the boot after hearing such loving sentiments about her Dad. Tonite, it's Buzz Aldrin. From where I sit, getting booted off the show as soon as possible just might mean you're doing something right in your life.

It was a real treat to see you, Mr. Aldrin. You're totally awesome.

Oh Goody

2010-04-06T16:35:00.000-07:00

Sounds like Jon plans to step back into the batter's box for another whack at custody and not paying any child support. Apparently that's an easier option than say getting a job.

Question for Bruno Tonioli

2010-04-05T18:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Bruno,

Are you gay? No wait. That's not my question. Of course, you're gay. NTTAWWT but for crap sake you find an overt way in virtually every episode to make it painfully clear that you're gay. So here's my question. How come I don't know the sexual preference of anybody else on the show except yours? Is Len gay? How about that singer who wears the jewelry on her forehead? Perhaps you're worried that a GWOPPER might fall in love with you. But um, dudette, they're already married to gay guys. In fact, if you don't dial up the testosterone a bit, they're gonna be sending you their unnawears. Ask Jon if you don't believe me.

Dear Kate,

I learned today that if I connect remotely to my work computer and then to all my client's computer systems, I can vote for you multiple times. Let's see, that's at least 120 different computer systems times 10 votes each plus all my 30,000+ cell phone votes. Say Hello to Week 4, toots! Congratulations. No need to thank me but if you really did want to thank me, I'd like you dance even more poorly. I like how your dancing irks the ever-living shit out of Carrie Ann Innaba, and of course, I LOVE how batty it makes the GWOPPERS. Kate, if you make it to Week 4, we just may see some sort of stampede over there.

Dear Max and Erin,

Simmer down. You were so darn cute together last week. This week, obnoxious.

Meet a new GWOPPER

2010-04-02T05:38:00.000-07:00

If you were a long-time reader and first-time poster of anything, would this be your first post?

----------------------------------

Dana said...
Loong time reader, first time poster....Just wanted to say, I totally TOTALLY just threw up in my mouth when Tom said that they were safe, just sayin.
3/30/2010 5:57 PM

-----------------------------------

My. What a substantive contribution.

I've said it once and I'll say it again. Those people aren't right in the head.

Shannon Doherty

2010-03-31T05:39:00.000-07:00

On the train in this morning, I was able to watch the DWTS re-broadcasts of Ep 1 and Ep 2 with Shannon Doherty. I was right, she was on during the earlier parts of both shows and I just missed her. I must no longer worry that I've been suffering some sort of black-outs. Shannon's agent should have worked harder to get her on later in the show so that the latecomers like me can watch her. I can't say I'm familiar with Shannon Doherty, her important work on 90210 or even the show 90210. However, I do know OF Shannon Doherty but much like Kim Kardashian and Brittany Murphy (may she rest in peace), I have zero idea why they are (or were) famous. I do know the zip code of the once popular hit show ZOOM. It's 02134.

But that's not why I'm writing today. I just wanted to write that I found it very touching and very sweet to hear and see Shannon's loving comments about her Dad and to see her Dad so happy and pleased . I'm quite sorry that her Dad fell ill and that Shannon was booted of the show. No one ever asks me these things but I think it would be much more interesting to save any booting for later in the show when we've had a much better chance to get to know these people and to see how hard everyone is working. Afterall, most of these stars -- Buzz Aldrin being the exception -- aren't really that famous.

Did Kate Get the Boot?

2010-03-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

grrrrrr.... I'm having to work late tonight and cannot watch DWTS. Did Kate get the boot?
Who got the boot? I GOTTA KNOW DAMMIT!

Some colleagues and I were chit-chatting about DWTS today. I must say it was interesting to hear peeps who aren't tuned into the whole GWOP-hates-Kate thing chitchat about the show. Reading the GWOPPER comments, you'd think Kate had some sort of grand mal seizure last night. Normal people, however, don't have any sort of vehement reaction to Kate's dancing or for that matter any star's dancing. They commented about everything and everyone ---- Pamela's boobs, are Max and Erin dating?, are Cheryl and OchoCinco dating?, is Bruno dating Elton John?, Edyta's total hotness, Kate's nervousness, Buzz's age, Julianne's whereabouts, etc, etc. --- but definitely the conversation was NOT locked on Kate. Go figure. It just may be that Kate is not an embarassment to the nation and thefore the reason why Iran refuses to give up nuclear weaponry.

Katie Irene, I voted for you, with all 35,843 of my cell phones that I specifically purchased for the show. Hope you get another go at it next week.

And another thing.

Anytime I hear something like "I teach the teachers", it takes everything I have to keep from giving one of those beating off hand gestures that Michael Jackson makes in his Thiller video. We've all met students, employees, relatives and friends with Kate's controlling personality. So if by now you -- the self-professed teacher of teachers -- don't know how to deal with those peeps, perhaps it's time to go see "the teacher that teaches the teachers who teach the teacher". And that's all I'm gonna say about that, Tony Donoloni, or whatever your name is.

On the other hand, if that whole incident was staged just to get the GWOPPERS going, nevermind.

DWTS Episode #2

2010-03-29T19:09:00.001-07:00

So um, yeah, the mental image of Bruno dancing in the moonlight with Elton John is something I could have done without.

...

...

Bruno is gay? Who knew?

...

...

I sure wish Kate could enjoy this whole experience more. She puts so much darn pressure on herself to learn the stuff when all I really want to see is a Mom of Eight having lots of fun with it. C'mon now, who amongst us doesn't wish someone would swing us around like an airplane whilst wearing a red sparkly outfit with fringe? Or, if we were GWOPPERS, which we aren't, who amongst us wouldn't wish somone COULD swing us around like an airplane in our sparkly red outfits?

Come on, people. Even that consummate bl0-hard Max Cherosnofiszowsky finally seems to get that it's an entertainment show and not the Ballroom World Olympics. When I see Derek Hough and the Pussy Cat Doll pumping their fists because they got a high score even through they're both professional dancers competing against an 80 year old man, I just roll my eyes.

Kate, do you want me to vote for you? I'm not sure.

PROPS!

2010-03-22T18:56:00.001-07:00

Kate, before I comment on your Dancing with the Stars debut, I've gotta ask---what the hell is living in Pamela Anderson's hair? Holy crap ... what a frigging rat's nest. I also think she was high on something, but perhaps her perpetual blonde bimbo/middle-aged porn chick schtick just makes it seem that way. And the thorn tattoo armband thing? Just charming.

Okay, back to you.

Kate, chin up, YOU DID JUST FINE!

What I like best about this show -- what I think everyone likes most about this show ---- is watching folks from all different walks of life claw their way out of their discomfort zone. I've been watching for 10 seasons now and I still don't know what a "fleckle" is and it's become very clear that no one ever plans to demonstrate one. I actually don't know why the judge's even bother to comment on any particular moves or technique. I figure those comments are meant for all the other ballroom judges who watch the show. All 4 of them.

The judges need to lighten up, especially Bruno. Yeesh.

Chelsea-the-dancer said the show is about improvement. I disagree. I think the show is about hard work, bravery, humility, perserverance and personal triumph. Who really cares if any of those stars improve? It's not like they fancy themselves in new careers as professional dancers.

Truth be told, I went and put a load of laundry in during the pussy cat doll person's dance. If I wanted to watch the pussy cat doll dance, I would buy tickets to their professionally choreographed shows in Las Vegas. Which I've never done, btw, despite the fact that I'm in Las Vegas at least 5 times every year. I don't buy for a second that ballroom dancing is a stretch for her, whatever her name is.

I missed the first half hour, but I enjoyed watching. I enjoyed watching you, Kate. I enjoyed Niecey. I enjoyed Evan. Enjoyed Buzz. And while I was all prepared to loathe The Bachelor guy, I found that I enjoyed him too. Hope I didn't leave anyone out.. You're all very good sports. Thanks for sharing your vunerabilities.

Good Luck Tomorrow, Kate!

2010-03-21T18:20:00.000-07:00

Good Luck tomorrow, Kate! Hope you really enjoy yourself and have tons and tons of fun. No pressure but should you happen to dance great tommorrow, it will mean that we gwopwoppers get to watch the GWOPPERS spontaneously self-combust (again). Then again, if you dance awful, the GWOPPERS will still self-combust so heck, we gwopwoppers really can't lose on this deal no matter what. All you got to do, Kate, is show up. Or, hmm, come to think about it, you probably don't even have to show up. It's not like they'll be watching (cough). See Kate, we gwopwoppers are well aware that you could discover the cure for cancer, end world hunger and find Osama bin Ladin for us but you'll always be a dirty whore over there at GWOP.

I hope you'll be able to take your boys (ok, sure, the girls too) to meet Buzz Aldrin. What a totally fantastic opportunity that would be. The second guy to walk on the moon! Holy mackeral! Okay yeah, lots of peeps have since walked on the moon and it's always gonna be cool to meet any astronaut but to meet one of those Apollo 11 guys ? Awesome. Too bad Aunt Jodie had to whisper to the world that you're [whisper]a cheater[whisper] cause otherwise I bet you'd probably try to get her kids in to meet Buzz Aldrin too.

So sad, too bad for Aunt Jodie. I weep for her.

Sending the Wrong Message with Body Art

2010-03-18T20:22:00.001-07:00

Today's photo montage at thesuperficial.com offers us the perfect reason why Kate Gosselin and Sharla should get rid of their tattoos.

source: http://www.thesuperficial.com/

If you saw this week's issue of People Magazine, you probably spied Kate's Winnie-the-Pooh tat on her ankle. At first glance, I thought Kate forgot to shave her legs but then I put on my reading glasses. Sharla, of course, has tattooed knuckles just like Jesse James' mistress. pictured above. Sharla's knuckles spell out L-O-V-E.

Nothing personal, y'all, but iwhyawli just doesn't care for body art. I don't have body art because I would never want to be mistaken for a GWOPPER.

Dang You TLC!

2010-03-04T18:46:00.000-08:00

I'm reading where Jon Gosselin reportedly turned down an offer to appear nude in Playgirl, and well, I only have TLC and that darn injunction to thank ... I mean, blame.

Unlike the GWOPPERS, we gals never get to see a naked fat guy, do we? Is that fair? No, it's absolutely not fair. It's not fair to fat guys and it's not fair to women with buff husbands and boyfriends. I don't know how much a copy Playgirl Magazine costs these days, but if by chance someone holds a gun to my head and makes me buy one then dammit there better well be a buck naked, middle-aged, balding fat guy in there.

Ta-ta for now. I'm off to google naked fat guys.

Was there another earthquake or did GWOP explode?

2010-03-01T18:53:00.000-08:00

I had to sit through another episode of that stupid Bachelor show but it was well worth it.

Kate Gosselin is Contestant #10 on Dancing with the Stars!

Now please tell me that she's partnered with Max.

Congratulations to Kate. I'll look forward to watching.

OH COME ON NOW!

2010-02-11T18:14:00.000-08:00

source: http://www.thesuperficial.com/

This picture has got to be an early April Fool's joke. I'll choose to believe that really is Hailey's body because anyone else with a body like that wouldn't wear such a cheezy outfit. I especially love the sooper sexy arm thing.

Another Reason to Hate Jon Gosselin

2010-02-09T17:27:00.000-08:00

So now that Monday Nite football is over (thank god) and there's no J&Kplus8 or DWTS to amuse the iwhyawli household, yesterday I somehow found myself watching ..... (oh this is so embarassing) ... The Bachelor.

WTF. And people are bitching about the Miss America pageant?

If The Bachelor isn't the dumbest, most insipid, most vapid show in the history of all television, I'd like to know what show is.

Yeah, I get it. The whole show is entirely fake and all the contestants are wannabe actors/actresses who are merely pretending to find their (next) husband/wife over the course of 6 weeks while their small children from their first unsuccessful marriages stay with grandma, but um, someone still invented the idea for the show, someone agreed to air it, they somehow found sponsors for it, they found at least 5 people who were willing to be on the stupid show, and worse, it's* my understanding that the show is now in its* tenth season or something like that, which means people out there are deliberately watching it.

This country is doomed. DOOMED!

*Attenion Sharla: No additional charge for illustrating the proper use of "it's" verus "its". You're welcome.

Man oh Man, Sharla is really slipping.

2010-02-09T17:12:00.000-08:00

I'm no stranger to typos and grammatical problems myself, but I can usually get the one-line, seven-word comments right. Time to lay off the sauce, Sharla.

Rut-oh, Aunt Jodi !

2010-01-17T07:39:00.000-08:00

I am most certain (cough) you can trust your beloved husband whilst he accompanies Jon from scummy bar to scummy bar in all these thinly-disguised attempts to collect money from the papparazi, or can you?

:: evil cackle ::

Your boobs aren't very big, sweetie.

Gee, if it weren't for Sharla ...

2010-01-16T07:30:00.001-08:00

... we'd never see any pics of the Gosselin kids anymore. Thank you, Sharla. Thank you for continuing the "exploitation" of those kids that you fought so so long and hard to stop. With the kids forced off the TV by their father (a.ka., your dream man), please do continue to post as many pictures of the kids that you can possibly get your hands on. That childhood that you are certain has been taken from them? Thanks for continuing to post it on your blog.

Say, have you considered posting ads on your blog, Sharla? Why not turn this hobby of yours into a money-maker?

Possible New Show for Kate

2010-01-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

Sharla and Laura Linger frequently like to correct my spelling and grammar because they think it's a dig that bothers me. But actually, I find their efforts to be quite helpful. They save me lots of time.

I'm long overdue to repay the favor.

Open Discussion ...

2010-01-07T18:57:00.000-08:00

Is it time to put another Open Discussion thread near the top ? I hear Kate has a new hairdo. I haven't seen it yet. Is it worse that this one?

Or this bird's nest?

OBITUARY: ChurchMouse Offs Herself

2010-01-07T16:39:00.000-08:00

I have long suspected that the GWOPPERS read too many romance novels and a recent post by some simp named "ChurchMouse" leads me to believe that I'm right (yet again). Not that there's anything wrong with romance novels, I guess, but for GWOPPERS, these books seem to serve as their life compass. If you're not a demure maiden who spends her days in the forest feeding berries to cute little cartoon animals whilst whistling a happy tune, Fabio isn't likely to look twice in your direction. And um, who wants that?

Lots of drama at GWOP today.

I am sorry to report a blog-i-cide.

A poster who calls herself "ChurchMouse" decided she is so pious and pure that she can no longer post at GWOP. All the negativity (including her own) that is directed at the Gosselins and people like Baby Mama creates far too much inner turmoil.

"I'm off to do more noble things in my life," she writes. "But, I authorize the rest of youse guys to carry on here. Not everyone can rise to higher ground like *I* can. I pinch my nose and hereby declare myself superior to you. From this day forth, I will now only rely on third-party dopes like fostersmom to post all my very poignant literary musings. So here you go, fellow maidens, stick this latest excerpt from Little Women in your pipe. But don't be expecting me to return here and read whatever kudos and complements I will inspire. Because yeah, I'm above all this. I ain't coming back here. No way. No how. No siree. Okay, alright, maybe I'll come back. But only if you beg."

And beg they did.

Kate? In case you don't read at GWOP, you should know that the dearly departed ChurchMouse prayeths that it isn't too late for you (there's no mention of Jon's responsibility in this matter) to raise your daughters properly. You see,

"to be loved and chosen by a good man is the best and sweetest thing which can happen to a woman."

--- Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

Welcome to 1910, y'all.

Two Clueless Idiots

2010-01-03T17:49:00.000-08:00

This week at GWOP, someone who calls aptly refers to Sharla and herself as "Two Clueless Idiots" (TCI) publicly invites anyone who has met Kate in person to report in with a POSITIVE story of the encounter. Despite the fact that TCI is soliciting people to submit these positive encounters to a moderated blog that is notorious for not posting anything remotely contradictory to their ... um ... "mission", this poster is confident that NO ONE has ever had a positive encounter with Kate. Accordingly, the complete lack of submissions will then serve as ultimate proof to the sheeple, her husband and her psychiatrist that her own dislike for Kate (who she herself has never met) can't possibly be rooted in jealousy.

In the highly unlikely event some completely anonymous person does indeed submit a positive story, TCI assures us that she will be more than happy to surrender all of her bad feelings and dislike for Kate.

I might be tempted to accept this important challenge except that I'm the type of person who enjoys watching people like Sisyphus ... err I mean, TCI remain mired in the muck of bad feelings and dislike for someone they've never met. It's funny!

Comfort for Jon Gosselin -- America's Latest Rape Victim

2009-12-28T05:25:00.000-08:00

I didn't think Mark Heller (or, for that matter, Jon Gosselin) could possibly portray himself to be more neanderthal than what we've already seen and heard, but I was wrong.

If I may quote Mark Heller in reference to this past weekend's alleged burglary: "Jon feels like he was raped."

...

...

Jon, allow me to offer you some comfort and key reasons as to why you shouldn't feel "raped":

1. You were not sexually assaulted.

...

....

You'll most likely find yourself in prison some day (soon, hopefully).
Be careful what you wish for, sweetie.

Open Discussion: 12/27 to TBD

2009-12-27T19:04:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays!

Recording November's Poll Results for Posterity

2009-12-26T20:36:00.000-08:00

What a shame that Hailey's considerable talents as a girl-girl boxing referee in seedy airport hotels didn't come to light before gwopwop's November's poll. So sad, too bad. I am otherwise forced to record herein for posterity the overwhelming sentiment that Hailey's best offering to prospective employers is her willingness to sleep with fat guys. Ha.

---------------------------------------------
As a new semi-single woman, which of Hailey Glassman's skills offer the most value to prospective employers in the event she "decides to get a job."

Home Wrecking 20 (18%)

Media Whoring 34 (31%)

Fake Crying 27 (24%)

Hurling lame
homophobic insults
at tabloid bloggers 21 (19%)

Willingness
to sleep with
fat guys 74 (67%)

Sitting on ass
all day doing
nothing 36 (33%)
---------------------------------------------

Bizarro GWOP Analogies

2009-12-20T20:05:00.001-08:00

Yeah, nobody can turn a phrase like the GWOPPERS*. I'm gonna use this thread for all the oddball analogies I find at GWOP that just don't seem to pack the punch they hoped for.

Here's a prime example from Shoshanna:

-----------------------------------------------------
Kate, dancing?

Like watching the Tin Man in a blond wig.
-----------------------------------------------------

Keep in mind we're now on Week 4 almost Week 5 past the last aired episode and the GWOPPERS are still gwopping.

*Note to GWOPPERS: This is another example of sarcasm.

Going With What Ya Know

2009-12-19T08:52:00.000-08:00

Here's Hailey in her comfort zone, y'all. The personification of grace and elegance.

Image source: radaronline.com

FOUND: HELL ON EARTH

2009-12-17T10:11:00.000-08:00

------------------------------------------------

From radaronline:

"Glassman is due to take part as a referee in the celebrity boxing event on Friday, December 18, at the Philadelphia Airport Ramada where the infamous John Wayne Bobitt will take on local fighter Tony Fusco in the main event."

-----------------------------------------------

Sunday Funnies

2009-12-13T09:52:00.000-08:00

This comment from an anonymous poster in the Quintessential GWOP post was just too funny to be hiding in the Quintessential GWOP thread. I chuckled and I chuckled.

Reasons You MIGHT WANT TO Be a GWOPPER poster
(moderator induced guilt not included)

Your plasma has post-it notes after watching Jon & Kate plus 8
Your husband finds blogger notes hightlighted in yellow
You have CPS on speed dial
You were voted least likely to suceed at the PTA
The last time you read to your kids was the National Inquirer cover in the check out lane
Your kids know not to disturb mommy when she is sitting at the computer
You want to tell Kate to kiss your ass but the moderators won't post it
You have spent more on your cable bill than on your kids education
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Sharla do?”
Snarkin' on Kate is your primary occupation
Hating on hats, heels, and hair means you have nothing of importance to say
'I read in a tabloid' means its worth repeating
Disappointed the show didn't have a narrative like little house on the praire
Kate's 'downfall' is not going as you planned
Jon is the sensitive one for having broke down to a selfish victim
Jon is just doing whatever it takes to derail the show and ruin Kate's life/save the children
Jon let you down, but it's time to let go. If Laura Linger can stop loving him you can to.
concerned about oversized families who make money in questionable ways, despite the Kennedys
sending "words of support and encouragement" to a P.O. Box in St. Louis
Kate can't be good because you don't like her, so that means Jon is still good no matter what he does
GWOP's resident therapist agrees that Kate dresses like a hooker
GWOPers always "put" so many "quotation marks" in all "the" wrong places?
I want to cradle the Gosselin kids in my arms like we did our puppy last night as the sun , but I can't.
I'm a fucking savior, ya'll. Please shower me with compliments about my tremendous self-sacrifice
You want to 1 up Kate skills of answering her own questions
MAGGIE said...I personally believe this is going to be the final season for the show.....our intelligence is being insulted
Aunt Bozo Hair and Uncle White Trash apparently paid off their mortgage recently
Dear God, If you can make a GWOP class action lawsuit against Kate/TLC happen, I promise to never ask you for anything ever again.
find a hate blog and announce your reasons and your turmoil

Quintessential GWOP

2009-12-10T19:17:00.000-08:00

So of course I was eager to drop by GWOP to read what the nutcases had to say about Jon's crushing defeat in court today, but guess what? There's no mention of Jon's crushing defeat in court at GWOP. This topic must be too painful for Sharla. Perhaps it's too soon. The wound may be too raw. Sharla could very well be parked on her shrink's couch trying to work through all the anger and disappointment of today. It's just so unfair, isn't it Sharla? How much longer before one of your sockpuppets posts the Judge's e-mail address? Tick tock, babe.

Although disappointed (but not shocked) that there's no mention of this historic day in Jon Gosselin history at GWOP, I wasn't disappointed (or shocked) to stumble upon Sharla's post regarding School Bus Gate. In order to catch their school bus, apparently the kids must get up at some hour that is earlier than the rules of child advocacy allow. The post and its comments are quintessential GWOP.

I try to think of the right word for people like Sharla and her readers. "Creepy" seems to fit best. The level of scrutiny that she subjects other parents to is .... just plain creepy. Clearly something very, very bad must have happened in Sharla's own childhood and all other parents (with the possible exception of her own parents) will pay for it. Perhaps more likely, Sharla herself is a shitty parent and digging into other parents makes herself feel better. I've checked my Inbox, Sharla. Your application to gwopwop's Parenting Study still isn't in it. I don't understand the delay.

Y'all keep in mind that the show is off the air and has been for almost 3 weeks now. That's all the GWOPPERS ever wanted if we're to believe their "What We Want" statement (cough). Well, there's been no filming and no recent pictures. For all we know, the kids are now in high school and the boys are sporting full beards. So all that 'public servant' stuff that Sharla said about keeping the blog open as long as other people still wanted to talk about the Gosselins? Horse crap. What she meant was ... Sharla will keep the blog open as long as she wants to talk about the Gosselins and their so-called shitty parenting.

If concocted charges like School Bus Gate are any example, that blog ain't going anywhere anytime soon.

Oh joy.

TLC 1 Jon 0

2009-12-10T16:17:00.000-08:00

Gee, I wonder what does Jon has to say about the Judge's ruling today. Oh wait.... He can't say anything about it. He lost. HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Jon's Big Day in Court

2009-12-10T11:19:00.000-08:00

Don't know about y'all but I cannot WAIT to hear today's courtroom events.
Should be humorous in a painfully pathetic sort of way. Oh how I wish this trial was taped/filmed. :: cries:: Doesn't it seem like we are WAY overdue for the very obvious next generation Reality TV Show --- ie., show depicting the various courtroom antics of all these Reality TV "stars". That's some Reality TV, I'd like to see.

Pray Tell

2009-12-08T16:05:00.000-08:00

What in heck is Hailey wearing on her head? To me it looks like that bag of stuff I had to pull out of the turkey's ass on Thanksgiving morning. Now I know what it's used for.

Reason #104,331 Why I Suspect that I'm Not from the Planet

2009-11-29T06:13:00.000-08:00

Hello! The last of iwhyawli's Thanksgiving house guests are now returning to their own homes and iwhyawli can FINALLY come out of hiding. I made certain to clear our computer's browser history and cookie cache and am pleased to report that my secret identity remains secret (I think). I hope you all enjoyed a fantastic holiday.

So, I'm reading where Jon elected to go snowboarding whilst claiming he'd spend the day with grandma. Was there any reason he couldn't just respond "I'm going snowboarding with friends" when asked to tell his holiday plans? Or, how about "none of your business"? Why drag grandma into anything? Truth be told, unless it's a story reporting how Jon choked on a turkey bone, I don't really care what he did for Thanksgiving. I also don't care why Tiger Woods drove his car into a fire hydrant/tree. Some news-reporting woman on CNN yesterday stated that "we are entitled to an explanation." Oddly, I don't feel entitled to an explanation. In fact, I hope Tiger Woods never offers anyone an explanation. It's no one's business, but I'm glad to see Gloria Allred's on the scene to defend yet another undeserving damsel in distress.

Poor Jodi and Kevin just can't catch a break, can they? Gloria has just dumped them for a bigger fish. It must be somewhat hard to get anyone to take your child advocate initiative thing seriously when your lawyer is chasing after every gold-digging homewrecker in the continental USA. How in the world did Deanna-the-teacher, Katie v 2.0 , Stephanie Snuffalupagus and Hailey Glassman all manage to slip through Gloria's net?

Roll Call

2009-11-25T06:25:00.000-08:00

Let's see ... it's been a full two days since the last episode so I took a quick check to see if GWOP and Truth Breeds Complete and Total Transparency are still open for business.

Yep. They are. No surprises there.

Sharla even plans to keep GWOP open for as long as people still want to talk about the Gosselins. Never let it be said that Sharla's not a public servant. A true world humanitarian that one. By talk, of course, she meant 'exploit' because when you continue to beat a dead horse it becomes its own form of exploitation. Yeah, if anyone exploited the Gosselin kids for their own enjoyment, it was Sharla, Julie and Jodi. But heck, when you're such a staunch child advocate as they are (cough), I suppose the boundaries of child exploitation get a little blurry. It's sorta like when the pro-lifers blow up the abortion clinics and kill everyone inside them.

I won't mention that the filming of new episodes actually stopped ages ago but then GWOP and Truth Breeds a Bunch of Jealous Little Brats in Maryland were never really about child advocacy in the first place.

As I suspected, our life happily continues here even though the show is now over. Unfortunately, Dancing with the Stars is now over too so it appears we're stuck with Monday Nite Football or whatever gory crime scene show is on the other channels. I'm even sick of "Designed to Sell." The fate of cable TV in this household is dire. Stacey, Clinton and Candace Olson are the only folks currently saving it. Okay, props to the Food Network too.

If Kate plus 8 comes back on the air, I'd like to see more "fun stuff to do at or near home with kids" episodes (like the backyard camping and Emeril cooking episode) and less luxury vacations. We don't have a dairy farm in our backyard but I did find one a few hours away that gives tours. The trip to the firestation was a good idea too. An embarassingly obvious one too.

Sorry Sharla. In preparation for 'Kate Plus 8, I've preemptively taken the blog name "Kate without Pity" out of circulation but I would be willing to sell it to you for $650,000. Cash only. I'm sure you understand my concerns about your credit.

The Last Episode (for now)

2009-11-24T06:25:00.000-08:00

Regarding the last episode of Jon & Kate plus 8, mkb77 conveys my thoughts so perfectly:

-------------------------------------
Let's discuss the last episode, shall we?

Let's discuss how Jon says he never had a chance to be a 20 something without kids and a wife.

Or shall we discuss how he knows what he needs to do to be a father, and a friend to Kate AND (most importantly) how to help his relationship with Hailey.

Really, Jon? He is so self involved, so selfish and such an idiot moron that I was literally saying aloud, " You DICK."

And when he made the twins go into the house because they were spatting (and one had the audacity to say that she had more fun with mommy then daddy) I voted him as the worst dad of the year. Ugh.

------------------------

I could NOT agree more. I realize Jon was at the mercy of TLC's editing but um, it's not like TLC was clipping letters and words out of a magazine to form Jon's sentences. NO ONE EXCEPT A MORON (AND/OR ADDICT) BLAMES INNOCENT LITTLE KIDS FOR HIS ADULT ACTIONS.

It's now clear 100% clear to me that Jon was left hanging on the teet for way too long. He's void of all accountability. Surely the 'child advocates' are completely outraged at the complete and total guilt trip Jon just hung on 8 kids all under the age of 10, right? RIGHT????

Jon is a special brand of asshole the likes I've not seen since Robert Downey, Jr. RDJ also once blamed his behavior on the stresses of fatherhood and marital separation. If you recall, RDJ's "behavior" was drug addiction. Coincidence? Cough. Of course, there are big differences between RDJ and Jon. Some feel RDJ can act (eyeroll). And now that's he's sobered up, he can at least support his kid financially. Jon, on the other, has no marketable skills which is too horribly convenient since he deems himself "too famous" to work. He's not only screwed himself out of his TLC contract, he's made sure his kids won't be earning any money either.

How in the world does he plan to support those 8 kids? He doesn't (for now). He's far too buzy living out the remainder of his entitled 20's. (I had a job in my 20's, btw). Perhaps by the time Jon reaches 42 (if he lives that long), he''ll find a job that can carry him (and his kids) throughout the 30's that he missed while living out his 20's. I predict the show (sans Jon) will evenutally come back (with Jon's approval) because not having to support them himself is easier for Jon.

For now, the world will be a happier place if we can just get Jon out of the rebel t-shirts and dirty jeans. Maybe even into some pants that fit.

Dana Hoffman and Unrequited Love

2009-11-22T19:10:00.000-08:00

So I'm reading all this stuff that folks have been sending in about Dana Hoffman and then I also wandered back in time to re-read the article she wrote some Philadelphia magazine. You know the article -- it's the one which renewed Serena's will to live and woke her from the posting dead at GWOP.

It's just so very, very, very odd that some "journalist" (I'm using that word loosely, Dana, so don't get a big head) would get her panties in such a bunch about the Gosselins. I mean seriously. Who in their right mind gets all honked off about buying a 15-passenger van when you've only a 10-person family? Do they even make 10-passenger vans? Our mini-van seats 8 tops and not comfortably. If I have a 10-person family and a 10-person van, where do we put all our luggage when we drive to the Carolinas for our free beach holiday?

So strange this obsession about the 15-passenger van and Dana's long list of other Gosselin grievances, but then it occurred to me. A lightbulb went on.

Dana Hoffman is acting EXACTLY like all of Jon's other scorned lovers!

Hmmm.

Could it be that Dana Hoffman is the first in a long line of Jon Gosselin's rejects? Is Dana the reason why Jon said he was "nervous about dating a Jewish girl" ? Maybe Jon's not a bigot afterall and said that because he meant nervous about dating a Jewish girl *again*! Gasp!

There's only one thing worse than being the world's creepiest loser, and that's getting dumped by the world's creepiest loser. Oh, the bitter agony. I think I'm on to something here, y'all.

Open Discussion -- Starting 11/21

2009-11-21T06:52:00.000-08:00

Are they divorced ?

Get Jon Gosselin STAT

2009-11-14T17:33:00.001-08:00

As you can see by the illustration below, GWOP is in urgent need of Jon's IT Specialist skills. If I'm not mistaken, the "specialist" now stands for "web developer" (wink, wink).

Jon, I realize you're now too famous to work but after all these women have done for you and your family, surely can you help them out. For free, of course.

Deep Analysis of Jon Gosselin's ParentDish Interview: Question #22

2009-11-13T18:21:00.000-08:00

In Answer #22, we see Jon bash Kate followed by "I'm not bashing her." Oh my gawd, that's funny stuff folks. Was he drunk during this interview? I'm not going to even try to understand the stuff about Regis, the View and women's rights. Yeah, cause when I think of Regis Philbin or even Kelly Rippa, oddly enough women's rights or voting doesn't come to mind. Speaking of voting, Jon, I'd really sort of wish that you and Hailey wouldn't vote. The idea that either one of you is permitted to vote on anything other than pizza toppings is really quite disturbing. I dare say you might be the reason why this country is so messed up, Jon. Please stop voting.

-------------------------------------------------
PD: What do you mean?

JG: She goes on Regis and The View and has no idea of women's rights. She doesn't even vote, which is disgusting. How could she go on a talk show if she doesn't know what's going on in the world? She's fed lines from TLC. I'm not bashing her -- it's wake up and get on board, take this out of the court and let's settle it.
-------------------------------------------------

Deep Analysis of Jon Gosselin's ParentDish Interview: Question #21

2009-11-11T15:22:00.000-08:00

Moving along in the ParentDish interview, Jon delivers his best impression of John "We're more Popular than God" Lennon. Hard to believe he's so horribly misreading his "popularity." One man's popularity is another man's freak show I guess. This lil' answer alone just seems to scream willful intent to breach the TLC contract but then I'm not on the jury (or am I?). I sure hope the folks at Williams & Connolly don't see this. I bet Kate is kissing herself that she didn't "wake up" otherwise she'd probably be getting sued too.

---------------------------------------
PD: Smart move.

JG: Every talk show wants us. I am the most photographed person the planet. Kate is the fifth most popular person in the world this year, and I'm the second most popular. Michael Jackson is the first. I'm like, 'Wake up, Kate.'

----------------------------------------

Attention: Jon and Hailey are on a break

2009-11-09T18:00:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't heard Jon say this for the 3 trillionth time in the last week, he and Hailey are currently on a break.

A break from what is not exactly clear.

If they're not talking, tweeting or texting TO each other, they're parked in front of the papparazzi talking, tweeting and texting ABOUT each other. Neither has any apparent plans to "date" other people, get a job, tend to their families, enroll in school, get a hobby, quit smoking, or stop eating. Basically, it appears that they're taking a break from spending their time together doing absolutely nothing. They'll now continue to do absolutely nothing with their lives in separate states, unless of course Entertainment Tonite summons them to appear together on TV so that they can talk about their "break."

Jon says they're "taking some time to get their heads together." I don't mean to hurt their feelings or anything but that's not a break either. Something of that magnitude will take those two an eternity.

Later this month, of course, they'll take a break from their break by spending Thanksgiving together because during the break, Jon has no plans to make any new friends and\or spend Thanksgiving with his own Mom and siblings. As Hailey made perfectly clear, Jon is such a loser that his only Thanksgiving options are to end their break else sit alone in his Manhattan apartment doing nothing. Where's Mark Heller?

Do you suppose there's any chance that Jon and Hailey might give iwhyawli a break?
I don't think so. They don't know what a break is.

Deep Analysis of Jon's ParentDish Manifesto: Question #20

2009-11-08T11:30:00.000-08:00

Well friends, I wish I could say we're almost done with the analysis of Jon's interview at ParentDish, but well the guy just doesn't know when to shut up. I think there's at least 8 more questions to plow through. Ugh.

Question 20 begins a series of questions in which Jon rambles on about the papparazzi. And what a bunch of rambling it is! Rambling that's probably music to everyone's ears at Willams & Connolly, especially that stuff about "toast" and "making money for your family." This Thanksgiving I will be certain to include a shout-out for the papparazzi during grace. A world without tabloid magazines (which for Jon is the only kind of magazine there is apparently) would just be too hellish.

And I've said this before but it merits additional mention because I think the Glassman parents are getting off far too lightly: the whole thing about "Hailey and I just hung out in her parents' house for awhile" is beyond creepy to read coming from a 32-year-old male.

-------------------------------------------
PD: How are the paparazzi dealing with you these days?

JG: Hailey and I just hung out in her parents' house for awhile because of the paparazzi. But I know that if you didn't have paparazzi, there would be no magazines, no advertising, no marketing, no nothing.

If you run away from them, you're totally toast. So let them take your picture and that's it. After they get the picture then they go away. We're just like, who cares, do what you gotta do and make money for your family. I know a lot of them. I know where their parents live.
-------------------------------------------

You Served Us Well, Miss October

2009-11-07T06:32:00.000-08:00

It's time to say "farewell and don't let the door hit ya on the way out " to October's GWOPPER-of-the-Month. You and all your idiot friends who wrote to protest your nomination served this blog well. Why so sensy, gals? Yeesh. If you hated my pick for October's GOTM, you're *really* gonna hate November's. I'm almost askeered to post it. Mebbe y'all should wait until December before coming back to read here.

Buh-Bye

GWOPPER-of-the-Month
October 2009
---------------------------------------

When she's not stalking
Kate Gosselin or Clay Aiken,
this GWOPPER elects to spend her retirement
on secret blogs and in GWOP chatrooms.
Scary, isn't it?

BFFs include Preesi and Sharla.

Open Discussion: 11-06 to tbd

2009-11-06T15:18:00.001-08:00

Time for more open discussion! That's assuming you can stop laughing after you see this picture ...

source: www.usmagazine.com

(also thanks to anon@11:31am)

Hailey Glassman Reveals Another Layer?

2009-11-04T03:49:00.000-08:00

"... the gay version of Michael Lohan"

--- Hailey Glassman

Proving that one can stick her foot in her mouth even while tweeting, Hailey Glassman recently takes a painfully feeble swipe at Michael Lohan and Perez Hilton. Yes, I realize that Michael Lohan is a no-talent, media whore, but um, so is Hailey Glassman. So it's always pretty hilarious to see one no-talent, media whore (Hailey) take a dig at another no-talent, media whore (Lohan). The intended targets (Lohan and Perez) escape unscathed.

Surely by now there is some sort of Tweeting University in which no-talent, media whores can enroll (on-line, natch) in order to learn proper tweeting techniques. Hailey, get thee to tweeting school tout de tweet*.

I'm no rocket scientist but when trying to improve one's public image, it's generally not a swell idea to hurl public insults that also include references to race, creed, gender or sexual preference. Despite your ulitimate coolness, Hailey, it's just too darn easy to be mistaken for the mindless bigot that you are.

Perhaps you should re-think this idea for letting us get to know the "real" Hailey. You're uglier than I thought.

* Note to Gwoppers: This is a play on words. I could have written 'tout de suite' but it wouldn't have been nearly as funny. Plus, Hailey doesn't know French.

Kate's Story

2009-11-02T19:04:00.000-08:00

OK, just watched Kate's Story and learned nothing too new that hadn't already been revealed or discussed. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Therein I believe we see the fundamental and important difference between "Kate's Story" and "Jon's Story" ---- consistency. You can hate Kate's hair all you want, you can dislike her parenting decisions, but you cannot deny that she's been telling a consistent story. If she's been well coached, good for her. I'm a coach (of sorts), and I know that you can not coach someone who doesn't have vision, goals or standards. Jon, on the other hand, well, yeah. Good luck with that, Shmuley. I'm sure you'll unravel all that is or isn't going on in Jon's head soon enough. But preferably by Christmas so that Hailey gets her Christmas stocking.

A long time ago, someone sent an anonymous comment here regarding the Jodi's "whisper" interview, telling me that Jon purposefully fed that lie to Jodi and Kevin out of spite, knowing full well they'd take it to the tabloids. If Blogger had a half-way decent comment feature, I'd try to go looking for that comment again to see if I posted it. For some reason, I think I chose not to post it because I thought the accusation was so outrageous. At that time in the blog's history, I was trying not to post anything unflattering about either parent unless I heard it from their very own mouths. Hearing Kate tonite identify the person (Jon) and the story that suited/ unleashed the paparazzi, I instantly recalled this comment. I now can't help but wonder if it was an accusation or another clue.

Kids and their Magical Powers

2009-11-02T03:30:00.000-08:00

Well, readers, from the sounds of things, Rabbi Shmuley is making great progress with Jon*.

Let's see. Instead of showing up two hours late or not at all, Jon only kept people waiting for a half hour. Fortunately, most of them already stayed home since he allegedly said (in the 11th hour) that he wasn't going to show up and then he did. Not that I care what happens to people who pay $25 to see a guy humiliate himself but that's not the point. The point is: Jon was late. Again. Saying you'll show up at a designated time and then not showing up or showing up late is a textbook example of passive aggression. People are not habitually late by accident. They are habitually late because they are self-centered jackasses.

We also have another heartfelt* apology from Jon to Kate which this time includes his declaration of love and devotion to his mistress, Hailey Glassman, in the very same sentence. Jon is nothing if not an efficient wordsmith. And yet, neither one of them can understand why Hailey is perceived as a homewrecker. This intriques me and my only guess is that they are confusing the word "homewrecker" with "slut". If Hailey were just a slut and not a homewrecker, she'd limit her relationship with Jon to sexy time without all the Kate smacktalk that only serves to place the kids smackdab in the middle of the confusion, hard feelings and angst.

Let's assume, knock wood, Hailey and Jon do reconcile and marry after the divorce**. Even if Hailey is on the verge of discovering the cures for cancer and world hunger, she'll forever be perceived BY THE KIDS as the "step monster" who spoke smack about their mother during the unhappiest time of their lives. Every "family event" from here on out will most likely be awkward and contentious for all three adults and so the kids too. Folks, that's called "homewrecking". Contrary to The Insider's professional life coach, Star Jones, homewrecking has little to do with extramarital sex before a couple legally separates.

Finally, we have Jon taking Rabbi Shmuley's good advice to "stop dating because the kids are going through a tough time." Jon, of course, interprets this to mean that he can resume dating Hailey again in 30 days as soon as the divorce is final (and so she should just wait because 30 days isn't that long). Hailey, of course, doesn't dump Jon because its healthy for the kids: she claims to dump Jon because that's the healthy thing to do for herself. Two more selfless people the world has never known.

Thank goodness for kids and their magical powers. It's well known that they're born with immunity to most diseases and viruses but lesser known is their complete subservience to the legal calendar. On whatever date the divorce is final, the difficult time they're currently enduring will be magically over and Jon can get back to humping Hailey and rubbing Kate's face in it. The legally divorced date cannot come soon enough for Jonnie. Hailey may not have to forgo her first Christmas stocking after all and it'll be a a Merry, Merry Christmas for everyone!

Thanks Rabbi Shmuley! Good work*.

* Note to GWOPPERS: This is sarcasm.

** Iwhyawli supports this outcome since these two slobs shouldn't be permitted to screw up any more lives. And let's face, they deserve each other.

Oh that wikipedia makes me chuckle

2009-11-01T09:12:00.000-08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gloria_Allred

--------------------------------------
EARLY LIFE

Allred was born in Philadelphia, on July 3, 1941 with cloven hooves and horns on her head, as well as the markings of "666" on the crown of her skull. After high school, she attended the University of Pennsylvania. There she met her first husband and married. The couple had their first child, Lisa, in 1961. Shortly afterwards, Allred and her husband divorced.
--------------------------------------

Open Discussion: 10/31 to tbd

2009-10-31T06:23:00.000-07:00

Good Morning and Happy Halloween. Time to start another Open Discussion thread.

Sigh, I couldn't help but wonder what costumes the Gosselin kids will wear for trick-or-treating this year.

And what scary, new thing will Jon do today?

I hear that Sharla plans to dress up as a giant 7' tall female lumberjack wearing a flannel shirt. painter's pants and carpenter boots. To keep people from asking "how come you're not wearing a costume?", she plans to shave her beard.

Deep Analysis of Jon's ParentDish Manifesto: Question #19

2009-10-29T18:29:00.000-07:00

It's Jon's word against Kate's as to whether the kids still want to film. It'll be easy enough for the custody Judge to determine which parent is putting false words in their children's mouths. Tsk. Tsk.

The thing I enjoyed most about this answer is Jon's slam against his own homeland, which apparently is a completely backwards, third-world nation run only by four-cylinder buses. Blech, guess I'll cross that country off my travel list.

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PD: How do the kids feel about it?

JG: The kids are unanimous. They don't want to film. We filmed 152 episodes. What more can you possibly still film? You want us to go to the moon? You want us to take the kids and go to Korea? Are you crazy? They don't want to be on a four-cylinder bus in Korea. They want to be home in the pool. [Editor's note: TLC says they taped a total of 112 episodes.]
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Hailey Glassman Interview

2009-10-29T15:47:00.000-07:00

Several folks have asked for a thread dedicated to Hailey's upcoming 'tell-all' interview on The Insider.

Okay.

Best I can tell from the previews, Hailey is auditioning for some sort of role on a daytime TV soap opera. Her eye make-up looks just like Laura Spencer's make-up when she worked at the disco with Luke. It's also the special kind of make-up that doesn't run all over your face when you turn on the waterworks. What a coincidence!

If I have any advice for Hailey's acting coach, it would be to teach Hailey how to enunciate more clearly while fake crying and to completely lose the New Yawka axecent.

Love means never having to say you're sorry, Hailey.

Doncha know that ?

What time does this thing come on? Do I have time to run out for some tissues?

Deep Analysis of Jon's ParentDish Manifesto: Question #18

2009-10-29T03:26:00.000-07:00

Hopefully by now, someone with some basic legal expertise has explained to Jon that he's not being sued for talking his kids off the air. He is being sued for willfully breaching the terms of his TLC contract, which he everso wisely seems to admit in his answer to Question #18.

I also didn't think Jon used enough cliches in this answer. "Stepping up to the plate" and "God is on my side" is always good but there's nothing like "taking one for the Gipper", "come hell or high water", "Tomorrow is another day", or "Attica! Attica! Attica!" to really hammer home the point (or lack thereof).

And lemme just tell ya: when you're up against Williams & Connelly, you'll need God on your side. I've long wondered whether God has a special soft spot for pot-smoking, married daddies with multiple girlfriends (plural). Twill be a fun trial. I'm gonna pray it's televised.

Question #18:

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PD: Some people would say you should've thought of that a long time ago.

JG: I always wanted to take the kids off the air but we would've been breaching the contract. I couldn't say that on the air because we would've been sued. They tried to fire me before I fired them. I'm stepping up to the plate. Whatever they want to do to me. Sue me. Send me to jail. I'm taking my kids off the air. What judge will say, 'Okay, your kids must be on film'? I know how it works. I'm not afraid of TLC now. God is on my side. TLC would say, 'You can't say this,' and now I'm just unleashing it.
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GWOP Theatre: ACT IV

2009-10-28T05:04:00.000-07:00

"Jesse Jackson Couldn't Make It"
by iwhyawli

For crap's sake, Jodi.
Isn't the damn show over?

We are now thankful
for the Balloon Boy family.
[giggle]

Hi !

Are the Gosselin kids damaged?

Don't answer that!

The kids didn't skip a beat.

So the show wasn't harmful?

Don't answer that one either!

Is Kate a
[whisper]cheater[whisper]?

Stop that.